Page 55 of The Chemistry Test

Cam

I glance at the car park ticket on my phone.

Ninety minutes left. I’m hoping that’s enough time for me to say everything I need to say to Mike and Amber.

To finally make the decision that’s going to determine the rest of my life.

No pressure, then, Gran would say if she were here.

But I also know she’d tell me not to worry – whatever decision I make will be the right one.

Don’t fret, Cam. What’s yours will find you, she used to say. I really hope she’s right.

I’m waiting for them to arrive at the Winter Garden restaurant at a fancy hotel in Marylebone.

As instructed, I’m sitting on one of the lower balconies, away from all the other tables, taking in the grand Victorian architecture of the surrounding buildings.

The tall palm trees and skylight-roofed atrium make it easy to forget I’m in London. And that it’s January.

I lean back in my chair and look up at the stars, pretending I’m on holiday.

It’s the epitome of luxury here, so I should feel relaxed, but waiting for the producers in places like this always brings back a familiar pit in my stomach.

Usually, it’s because I’m worried they’re going to say Arturo dies or leaves the show somehow, so I always come prepared.

Ready for them to pull the rug from under my feet, ending this unbelievable whirlwind as quickly as it started.

This afternoon, however, the pit is back, but it’s taken a slightly different form this time.

Because today, unlike before, I’m potentially going to be pulling the rug from under myself.

And that, combined with my own uncertainty about whether I’m going to do it, somehow feels even worse.

But they need an answer by the end of the day, so that’s exactly what they’re going to get.

I got back at around eight o’clock last night after driving home from the meeting.

It was my first time at our student house since breaking up for Christmas and I actually felt a lot better than I expected.

I didn’t think I’d be happy with the whole acting decision either way, so to be feeling somewhat okay about it is a bonus.

I have no idea if I should be feeling that way, but I do.

Today though, I’ve been up since five-ish – too restless to sleep and too wise to keep trying.

It feels weird being back at the house without Callie as well, my little mate who used to snuggle up to me like a hot water bottle.

But I know it’s not good for them to move around so much now they’re older.

And especially now Callie doesn’t need to be supervised 24/7.

So her and Tabby are both staying at Mum’s for the foreseeable future.

Callie’s been weaned off the prophylactic antibiotics for over a month and hasn’t had any episodes since, so she’s definitely ready to go.

The trouble is, there doesn’t seem to be anyone who’s ready for her.

Or Tabby, for that matter. The pair of them have been getting on better than I ever expected, blissfully unaware that they’re not home yet, but my hopes of adopting them out together are waning more and more every day.

So far, there hasn’t even been any interest in them individually, let alone together.

I already checked my emails to see if either of them had any applications come in overnight, so now it’s time for this morning’s most crucial task for ensuring the day goes as un-painstakingly as it possibly can: temporarily uninstalling all my social media apps.

Definitely for today, but possibly for tomorrow as well, depending on how I feel.

Then, trying not to think about what I’m saying, I send an apologetic message to Josie, before turning off my notifications for WhatsApp too.

Because for ninety-nine per cent of the world, today is just a normal day.

And here, at my lovely university house, with my two lovely housemates, I’m part of that percentage. At least, without my phone, I am.

When I get to the living room, Ryan and George are waiting for me, one on either sofa, ready for us to build the flatpack end tables now all the kitten stuff is gone.

It’s too late now, but if I’d thought this through properly, I definitely would’ve opted for more foster kittens rather than more furniture.

And as Ryan passes me a screwdriver and slides one of the Ikea boxes over to me, I’m reminded that today is just another day. Being here and setting the university house up today is no big deal. Because today is just another Saturday. And this is a perfectly fine way to spend the day.