Page 50 of The Chemistry Test

Cam

It’s happened again. I’ve spent the past two weeks trying not to think about her, and just when I think I’m imagining seeing her with the guy again, they’re actually there. Together. On a million TED talk posters. Smiling brightly on every lamppost. Every shop window. And even every bloody bin.

Honestly, what even is my life? The two people I don’t want to see right now are plastered across the whole campus.

As I walk, I start reading the posters, taking in as much as I can on each one and then picking up where I left off on the next.

I make a mental note of the guy’s name, written in brick-red letters under his photo. I seriously can’t believe this.

When I get to the seminar room, I sit at the back and do what any reasonable person would do.

I stalk the shit out of him. Respectfully, of course, looking for any public social media accounts.

The double-barrelled surname really helps me out, there’s only one Elias Thompson-Knight on Facebook.

Although his account’s private and the only thing I can see is that Penny’s our only mutual friend. Makes sense.

I try Instagram next and, as before, Elias is one of a kind there too.

It’s almost too easy. I thank the double-barrelled naming gods as I click on his profile and get to work.

There’s only one photo of him with Penny, and it’s of the two of them on a mobility scooter, with the caption, Penny returning the favour ;)

Can’t lie, I’m not a fan of the winky face. But most of the pictures from the following weeks are of him with another girl, and they certainly don’t look platonic. Although I’m starting to think I might not be the best judge of that.

As I make my way back to the top of his page, I realise he actually follows me on here, indicated by the blue Follow Back button. Steady on, Instagram. I might not hate the guy, but I’m not about to follow him. Especially since I’ve already been able to see what I wanted to see.

I go to Penny’s Instagram next, via the handy hyperlink on her name, already hearing Gran in my head – asking why on earth I didn’t think to look on here sooner. In my defence, Gran, I think, I honestly don’t know what to tell you.

I have to scroll for a while just to get through the last few days. God, she posts a lot. But I don’t see any photos of him. Not even one.

I’m surprised to see a couple of me, though.

Us on the plane in the pilot’s hat and a boomerang of me swivelling in her wheelchair when I first learned how to hold a wheelie.

The one that catches my attention the most, though, is the one of me and a tiny Callie-bear, back when she was only a few weeks old.

I remember it well – right after I’d taken a photo of Penny, when I mentioned not having any of me holding Callie myself.

I thought she would’ve deleted it straight after she sent it to me.

And I can’t help wondering why she didn’t. That’s got to mean something, surely?

Like Elias, she also has a post about the mobility scooter, although her photo looks like she’s about to drop an absolute banger of an album and there’s no Elias in sight.

Instead, Amy’s standing behind her and Ro is squatting in front with one leg outstretched.

They all look cute as fuck, but Ro especially looks like a model in this light.

He should’ve gone into something like that rather than graphic design or whatever he’s actually doing.

I click his name tag and before I can stop myself, I’ve sent him a message alongside the pic.

Should’ve gone into modelling or something, Ro. Anyone who knows you, knows that!

And here is where my numerous life mantras collide.

Because I’ve always believed in acting on any good thought you have, and Ro’s slaying way too hard in that stupid photo for me not to mention it.

But I also believe in loyalty, above all else, and I don’t want him to think he can’t joke around with me anymore, out of loyalty to Penny.

I never saw him for more than ten minutes at a time, but he was always joking about something, so I know he’d see the funny side of it ordinarily. Just maybe ... not anymore.

I hold the message down, debating whether to delete it, when the three typing dots appear. Crap. I yeet myself out of the chat as quickly as I can, rapidly clicking the Back button until I get to Penny’s post again. The caption catches my attention this time.

It’s about how she got a puncture the week the photo was taken.

Oh.

I pull up my Google calendar immediately, feeling both hopeful and foolish in small but equal measures. And as I expected, it matches up with the day I saw her exactly.

I finish reading the post, only half paying attention to how she urges people to just go for it if there’s something that can help them, health-related or otherwise.

And to never let how you look be more important than what you do.

You can’t fault her for her one-liners and how, in a way, they could apply to everyone.

Even people like me, who are in a completely different situation to her.

And it strikes me that, whatever happened with Elias and her website, I’m proud of her for going for this motivational speaking thing.

And if I’m honest with myself, it started as soon as I spotted the first TED talk poster, not just in the last few minutes when the whole Elias situation cleared itself up.

She’s going to kill it up there, just like I said she would.

I hastily swipe back to the home screen as Michael, the lecturer, walks in.

‘You’re a keen bean today, Mr Taylor.’ He smiles as he logs into the computer.

‘That’s what I like to see,’ he says, and I thank God there’s no one else here to hear him say it.

I wonder if he says stuff like that to Penny.

And if he does, I bet she loves it, the little weirdo.

Now I’m thinking about it, I wish I’d asked her if she likes being sung to on her birthday too.

That would be the most Penny-thing I’ve ever heard.

And for the first time in a while, I realise I’m smiling, just at the thought of it.

I search for the TEDx page on Facebook and write the day and time of the conference on the back of my hand. This Friday at two o’clock. Time to swallow my pride and make this right.

I’m coming for you, Penny Lane .