Page 35 of The Chemistry Test

Cam

I look at our e-tickets on my phone. I thought it was a really good idea when I booked it but looking at how much of the poster we’ve got left to do, I’m not sure it is. I figure I can ask her anyway and let her decide.

‘You know how we agreed that we actually were doing presents, after the vote?’ I say.

She pushes my arm. ‘Only if that’s the royal “we”, but go on.’

‘I bought us tickets to go up Mount Snowdon on the train, if you fancy it?’

She gapes at me, mouth falling open. ‘Charlie Jackson, that was not part of the plan,’ she says, struggling to keep a straight face.

‘Charlie Jackson?’

‘If you can call me Penelope Lane when you’re being serious, I can change your name too.’ She shrugs. ‘When are you expecting us to do the project? We still have four sections left.’

It’s my turn to shrug. I feel like now isn’t the time to bring up Parkinson’s law. ‘We don’t have to go, I just thought I’d give you the option.’

Her eyes stray towards the window. ‘I actually have a week’s extension that I forgot about,’ she says, not looking at me.

‘Wait, what?’ I can’t believe this. ‘So, you didn’t even need to come?’ It makes me laugh so hard. She puts her head in her lap, arms crossed in front of her.

‘I only realised last night! I haven’t needed it for any of my other assignments,’ she says defensively, but I’m really laughing now, so she untucks herself and throws a cushion at me from the sofa behind her. I catch it and throw it back.

‘We’re leaving in an hour. Rest up before we go,’ I say, shooing her away as I start bookmarking the textbook pages we’ve found so far with scraps of paper. ‘I’ll pack this away and put your wheelchair in the car.’

I sit back on my bed and roll my shoulders. It must be more of an instinctual thing than a genuine need, as her chair really isn’t that heavy.

She’s only been in her room for twenty minutes so far, but I wonder if I should go and wait with her. It doesn’t feel right that she’s in her room all alone on her birthday, but I don’t want to risk wearing her out. Even talking seems to do that to her.

I look up at the door. How has this even happened? This was meant to be the year I didn’t meet any new people. Especially not people who are more fragile than everyone else.

I hear her laugh at something she’s watching, and I know that’s not really fair.

Fragile is such a stupid word to describe her as.

Quite honestly, the girl is anything but fragile.

And even though she technically is in some ways, I don’t feel as scared by it as I thought I would.

I sit and tell Gran about what I did with the cupcakes, how I didn’t actually tamper with any of them, and I can see her chuckling into her cup of tea as she scolds me.

I pull up Closer’s website on my phone to update her on how I’m doing.

She’s going to be so gassed I’m still going along with the whole ‘mentally talking to Gran’ thing.

Girl is a genius – unlike Penny, who doesn’t even need to freaking be here with me.

I laugh again. If only past Cam could see this.

Repeating the year wasn’t the end of the world like I thought it would be.

If anything, I have more support now, not less. And even though I had to miss counselling to pull off this trip, I felt like I was ready for it. I kick off my shoes and lie back on the bed, ready to update my favourite virtual therapist. Today could not be going any better.

Hi again, Closer,

How are you doing? I hope you’re doing well.

I just wanted to message to say that I’m doing okay.

I’ve been on my meds and in counselling for a couple months now and that, combined with all your advice, has really helped.

Some days I wouldn’t even say I feel depressed anymore.

Today I don’t. And yesterday, I didn’t either.

Anyway, I just wanted to say I think I’m doing better and you’re partly to thank for that.

So, thank you. I think the next step is to start putting myself out in the world again.

I haven’t done a whole lot of fun stuff since I’ve been back at uni, at least not in terms of going out out.

But I think I’m going to try. There’s a fancy-dress night next week at the only bar on campus with a designated place for overwhelmed people to take a break or whatever.

Hardly anyone knows it’s there and the fact it’s at that bar and not any of the others, could be the sign I’ve been waiting for, especially with it being a costume party.

A way to put myself out there, without putting myself out there.

I haven’t gone to any socials yet this year, so even this is a big step. Anyway, good to talk to you again.

Yours sincerely,

Spider-Cam