Page 57 of The Backup Groom

That’s not me!

I’m the sci-fi guy, not some hopeless romantic!

I’m Superman. I’m Captain Kirk. I’m cool, calm, and collected, not the leading man in a Nicholas Sparks movie. What was next? Would another Ryan Scott go on some jealous rampage and set the restaurant on fire after he saw me with Amber? Would I save the day by valiantly carrying her in my arms to safety through the menacing flames? Would we kiss passionately in the parking lot while the restaurant blew up behind us, tortillas and tamales flying everywhere as the credits rolled?

Geez, Louise, what was going on with my mind today?

I sounded like Dean.

Note to self: Never drink tequila again.

Note to self #2: Spend less time with Dean.

Amber gave me a compassionate smile, which was a bad sign. “Scotty . . .” She searched for the words. “I think you’re a wonderful man, I really do.”

I forced a smile, bracing myself for thebutI knew was coming.

“But . . . the timing isn’t right. As I said before, my life is complicated.”

I blinked twice. “But what about all these other guys you’re going out with?”

“Yeah, about that . . .” Amber sighed. “My uncle Garfunkel passed away recently.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” I said, wondering what that had to do with her dating life.

Amber smiled. “He lived a long, full, happy life and died peacefully in his sleep, so I’m grateful for that.”

“Of course. That’s definitely the way to go,” I said.

“The thing is, he kind of left me a lot of money in his will, but there were very specific strings attached. I have to get married within six weeks.”

She scooped up some guacamole, and stuck it in her mouth. It appeared to be no big deal at all that she’d set out to marry someone for money. At least that explained the sudden barrage of coffee dates at my business.

“Why would he want you to get married so badly?” I couldn’t help asking. “Especially since you were already married once before?”

Amber had a curious look on her face, obviously wondering how I could have known that she’d been married.

“It was hard to ignore the humongous rock on the finger of one of my favorite customers,” I added. “I also noticed the first day you came in not wearing it.”

Amber wrinkled her nose. “I never liked that ring.”

“What a coincidence, neither did I.” I gave her a little smile.

She returned my look. “Uncle G had always believed that I married the wrong man, which I can’t really disagree with. He’s basically paying me to marry the right one, to correct the errors of my ways. It’s weird, I know, but he was an eccentric man and he lived by his own rules.”

I tilted my head to the side, confused. “And what does this have to do with your cousin?”

“Funny you should ask,” she said. “Mercedes—my cousin—gets the money if I don’t get married by the deadline.”

“Wait a minute . . . whoever gets married first gets the inheritance?”

Amber shook her head. “No, no . . . She doesn’t have to get married. She basically just has to sit around on her lazy butt and wait for me to fail, hence her having me followed and then showing up at the wrong moment to butt in. And if I do fail, she gets five million dollars.”

“Five million?” I yelled, causing people to look our way.

No wonder she was on a mission to find a man. Could I really blame her?

Five million dollars was life-changing money.