Page 21 of The Atonement (Arrangement #3)

“I got distracted,” I admitted. “And I don’t blame you for what you did.

Killing her. I get it. It was the right thing to do.

But I would’ve never hurt you. Never. Don’t you see that?

” I stepped toward her, keeping my voice steady and firm.

In control. I wanted her to see that I had everything under control again.

“You did hurt me, Peter. Maybe not physically, but you just keep hurting me. That’s why we’re in this mess to begin with. And, anyway, that’s not why I’m here.” She unfolded and refolded her arms, glancing at the concrete floor under our feet.

“Well, why are you here, then?” I braced myself for what was to come, no idea what she might say.

“Because we have to figure out where we go from here. We need to call a truce.”

“And I’m ready for that. I’ve told you… I want you to come home.

Bring the kids. Let’s fix this.” I stepped toward her and she backed away again, but this time, she backed away with a look in her eyes that scared me.

She wasn’t retreating, she was restraining herself.

A twinge of pain ran through my stomach, reminding me of the consequences of getting too close to her.

“I have no interest in fixing us, Peter. What was left of our marriage turned to ash in that house. I want nothing to do with you. Don’t you get that? ”

I tilted my head to the side slightly. “At the risk of getting tased again, I don’t think that’s true.”

Her grimace faltered. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t think you want to hurt me, Ainsley. I don’t. I don’t think you ever meant to.”

“What the hell are you talking about? I tried to k—” She stopped, looking around. “Are you recording me? Is this some sort of setup?”

“Of course it isn’t a setup.” I scoffed, waving a hand around the garage.

She raised the stun gun to the space just in front of my neck. “Prove it.”

I swallowed. “How would you like me to prove it?”

“Say you’re a murderer.”

“I’m a murderer,” I repeated, keeping my eyes trained on the metal prongs in front of me.

“Say your name and what you’ve done.”

“I’m Peter Greenburg. I’ve…I’ve killed loads of people. Women, mostly. Men too, lately.” My eyes flicked up from the weapon to meet hers. “I’m a bad, bad man. Happy?”

She hesitated, but eventually lowered the pink weapon. Was its color meant to be so misleading? If you just saw it out of the corner of your eye, it could’ve been a makeup box or a bottle of perfume from her dresser.

With the weapon tucked safely back in her arms, she narrowed her gaze at me. “Make no mistake about it, Peter, I wanted to do much more than hurt you. If it wasn’t for your little escape hatch, we wouldn’t be having this conversation at all. ”

I clicked my tongue, my cheek drawing inward with smug disbelief. I couldn’t help myself. I was beginning to feel sure I’d been right. “See, I don’t think that’s the case.”

“What are you talking about?” she sneered.

“Ainsley, you’re the most competent woman I know.

You’re always, always one step ahead of me.

You fix things. You don’t make mistakes.

I’ve tried to think, but…I can’t think of a single time where I recall you making a mistake.

Not ever. You’re…calculating. Meticulous.

You think everything through ten ways to Sunday—”

“Six ways.”

“What?”

“It’s six ways to Sun…” she said halfheartedly. “Doesn’t matter. What’s your point?”

“My point is… Why would you mess up this one thing?” I held up a finger. “Probably the most important thing you’ve ever had to do? Why would you let even a tiny little possibility of me escaping slip under your radar?”

“I couldn’t have known about the other door.”

“But you still knew there might be a way. Why would you leave it to chance?” I studied her, watching for a confirmation in her eyes.

Her chest rose and fell with heavy breaths.

“You wouldn’t,” I filled in. “You wouldn’t.

Not if you actually wanted it done. If you wanted me to be dead, I’d be dead, Ainsley.

There’s no doubt in my mind. You killed Joanna. You killed Jim.”

“It was different—”

“Because they meant nothing to you, and…because you love me .”

Her eyes widened as if I’d slapped her. The tension in the room was thick, my words hanging in the air between us.

“You’re delusional…” She stroked her arm as a means of self-comfort.

“If you wanted me dead, you wouldn’t have knocked me out and set the house on fire and hoped for the best. You’re too thorough for that.

You’d have sliced my throat and watched me bleed out.

You’d have checked for a pulse. You’d have buried me in the backyard and washed the blood off of every surface.

” I shook my head. “See, I’ve gone over it every way there is, and it just doesn’t make sense. Unless—”

“You’re insane, Peter. What you’re saying is ridiculou—”

“Unless you didn’t do it because you didn’t actually want to kill me in the first place.

You wanted to scare me. Punish me. Fair enough.

But, honey, you don’t leave anything to chance.

You didn’t kill me because…because you couldn’t.

Plain and simple. Because you didn’t want me to die.

Because…” I drew out the words, stepping closer to her. “Because…you…love…me.”

I jolted again, my body on fire with electricity—true electricity—as she shoved the stun gun back into what felt like the exact same place on my stomach. The attack was quicker this time. Just a pulse.

“Don’t flatter yourself, Peter. I didn’t kill you because I needed to give the kids answers. If I buried you in the woods, I’d have to tell them you ran off somewhere. I needed a body. I needed a finale. I needed it to all be over.”

“It isn’t over, Ains. Don’t you see that? We get to start fresh now. We get to fix this. And I don’t care how many times you shock me”—I checked to be sure she wasn’t planning to test that vow—“I’m not going anywhere. And I’m not changing my mind. Love me or kill me, those are your only options.”

She was silent for a moment, then her jaw began to quiver. At first, I thought maybe she was going to start crying, but instead, I saw pure rage in her eyes. “You don’t get to do that.”

“I just did.”

“No, Peter,” she said, her voice a low growl. “No. I’m leaving you . I’m taking the kids. It is over. Do you hear me? It’s over! We’re done.”

“We’re not. You’ll never be rid of me, don’t you see that? We’re made for each other, Ains. We’re a perfect match. You can’t leave me, not really. People who’ve been through everything we’ve been through together don’t just get to walk away.”

She bared her teeth, taking a step back from me.

“I am leaving you. The kids are already gone, and I’m next.

You’ll never see us again. Don’t contact us.

Don’t try to find us. Just move on with your life.

Have the house—sell it, keep it, whatever.

Have your secrets. Have your little hobbies. But we’re done. I’m done.”

“Wh-what are you talking about? Gone? Gone where? Where are the kids? Where are you going? ”

“Are you even listening to me? I’m not telling you that—”

“But you can’t just take them. I’m their father. They need me—”

“They need a murderer?” She charged toward me without warning, and I bumped into the car again in an attempt to back up. She wagged her finger at me, her nail practically scraping my nose. “A monster?”

“Pot meet kettle,” I muttered. I hadn’t meant to say it, but I couldn’t help the slip.

“They don’t need you,” she repeated, her voice feral and ragged.

She puffed out a breath, smoothing her shirt.

“That’s what I came here to say.” Her eyes flitted back and forth between mine, as if she was searching for something—a question, an answer, a sign—and then she turned on her heel, prepared to leave me.

I grabbed her arm without thinking, acting on pure animal instinct.

She was going to take everything from me.

She was going to leave me alone. She jerked back, ripping her arm from my grasp as if it were a fight for her life. “ Don’t touch me ,” she shouted.

“Ainsley, please—”

“Don’t ever touch me again,” she said once more, her lips pressing into a thin line. She took another step back, holding the stun gun in the air as she reached the doorway. If I let her walk out, I’d never see her again.

I knew it in my gut.

If she escaped, that would be it. I’d have let her walk away from me without a fight. What would she do if the situation were reversed? What would she expect me to do?

“Why did you even come here?” I demanded. “If that was all you were going to tell me, why bother?”

“Because I needed you to hear it.” She pointed at her ear. “Not consider it part of the chase. Not ignore me. I needed you to hear me say the words and see the absolute sincerity on my face. I needed to make sure you heard me loud and clear so there is no confusion.”

I nodded slowly.

“Why are you smirking?”

Had I been?

“You wanted to see me.”

She groaned, both hands near her temples. “You aren’t listening to me.”

“Oh, I’m listening just fine, but I know you better than you think I do, Ainsley.

You wanted to see me. It’s the only reason that makes sense for you coming here.

I know that like I know you’d never actually take the kids away.

Just like I know you’re coming home. You’d never break up our family.

You need us to be together. You need things to be normal. ”

“That’s where you’re wrong.” She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “I’m not the same woman I was back then. I’m not the same woman you married. I’ve come to realize there are worse things than divorce. Worse things than breaking up a family. Much worse.”

“I’ve been a good father to them.”

“Debatable.”

“How? Name one thing I’ve done to ever hurt— ”

“How many times did you wash someone’s blood from your hands in the same sink where your children brush their teeth at night?” She was growing frantic. “How many times have you missed things because you were so focused on someone chained up in your murder room?”

“I never use chains.”

“How many times,” she growled, “have you let your children down because you were too busy to notice that they needed you?”

“I could ask you the same thing.”

She started to walk away, but stopped, spinning back to face me. “That’s the difference between you and me, Peter. I’m willing to change. I am changing. You…you will never change.” She looked me up and down, sizing me up with her upper lip curled in disgust.

“You’re not even giving me a chance.”

“I’ve given you thousands of chances. Years of chances. Eventually, it stops being your fault and starts being mine. I’ve enabled you and looked the other way for the sake of our family for far too long. But enough is enough. I deserve better. Your children deserve better.”

“How do you think our children will feel when they find out you tried to kill me? When they find out you’re the reason I’m not around?”

“They’re never going to find out.”

“I wouldn’t be too sure about that.”

“If you so much as attempt to contact them, Peter, I’ll—”

“You’ll what? What are you going to do?”

“I’ll kill you again. And this time, I won’t fail.” She stopped, looking pleased with herself, and huffed out a breath. Then, she turned on her heel and hurried back outside and toward her car.

I rushed forward. I couldn’t let her leave.

Wouldn’t.

I grabbed hold of her. “Wait!”

She shoved me backward, pushing the stun gun into my chest. Her thumb missed the button, buying me a second’s time. Without thinking, I smacked it from her hands, towering over her. I’d never once thought about hurting my wife, but something had flipped in me.

She couldn’t leave.

I grabbed her arm again, jerking her toward me. She reared back, slapping my face with so much force my vision filled with black spots. I released her arm.

“I’m sorry… I…”

What was I thinking? I couldn’t hurt her. I loved her. I needed her to believe that.

“Don’t touch me!” she cried, backing away. She ran backward, keeping an eye on me as she moved, only spinning around when she reached her car.

“Please, can we just talk? This wasn’t how I wanted today to go. Please, Ains—” I was just behind her, panting as I tried to keep up. She gripped the car door, and I narrowly missed it as she slammed it shut. She moved to lock the doors, but she wasn’t fast enough.

I tore her door open. “Don’t do this, Ainsley. Please. Please think about the kids. Please. I promise. I’ll do whatever you want, I’ll— ”

It was no use. She put the car in reverse, backing the car up with a sudden jerk.

The door handle was ripped from my grasp as she peeled away with the door swinging open.

I jumped out of the way as she put the car in drive and sped away, gravel flying behind her.

I watched her go, filled with hopeless frustration and powerlessness to stop her.

Was this really the end?

I couldn’t believe it.

I couldn’t let it be.

But what choice did I have?