33

Alice

A lice was walking into a little Italian bistro the day after the team left for their West Coast road trip. She was sad Taylor was leaving again, but she just reminded herself this was part of it, and this would be a good time to focus on her art.

But with dread, she was looking for her mother and sister.

“Alice, over here,” her mom called.

She made her way through the crowded restaurant to her mother and sister. She wasn’t really looking forward to this. When Taylor had asked her if she was like him, it had been a moment of awakening for her. Maybe there was something to it. It definitely explained how she felt, but a nagging voice told her he was wrong, and she just needed to work harder. And that voice sounded a lot like her mother’s.

“Hi, sweetheart. I’m so glad we were finally able to make this work. I don’t feel like I’ve seen you at all lately,” said her mom as she stood to envelop Alice in a hug.

Yeah , thought Alice, that was on purpose .

“I’ve just been busy with work,” Alice said cheerfully.

She slid into the booth across from her mother and sister. Both women looked polished. Her mother sat across from her, whose blonde bob was perfectly styled, wearing a navy and white striped sweater. Her sister’s dark-brown hair pulled back in a flawless ponytail wearing a light blue button-down shirt. While Alice wore a vintage My Little Pony T-shirt and a purple cardigan. The difference between them was noticeable, and for once, Alice felt okay about it.

“Oh yeah? Are things working out with Sasha?” asked her mother with an encouraging smile.

“What are you doing for her?” asked her sister.

Alice had told herself Isabelle meant well, but she always made her feel like such a child.

“Yeah, I really like working with her,” she said. While that wasn’t a lie, it also wasn’t the full truth. “I’m mostly helping with posting and scheduling post, stuff like that.”

“My offer still stands,” Isabelle said.

“Well, I’m glad it’s working out. I thought that might be a good fit for you,” her mom said with a self-congratulatory air. “I’ve heard so much about how much work she’s done to get attendance up this year. I think she even got engaged to Conner McPhee. Maybe you could nab yourself a handsome hockey player while you’re there.”

“What do you think dad would do if I started dating a player?” Alice blurted.

The look on her mom’s face had her instantly regretting her words.

“I mean, I guess it would depend on the player, but I was just kidding. You probably won’t even have too much contact with the players,” she said, brushing it off.

Part of Alice wanted to say, Oh yeah? Well, it just so happens I am dating a player. Not just any player but one of the top defensemen in the league , but she would wait until Taylor got home to have that conversation with her dad first.

“Plus, you don’t need to focus on that right now. You need to focus on your new job and getting everything on track there. See if this one works out,” said her sister.

“It might be nice if she found someone to take care of her,” her mother said to Isabelle.

“I think she should focus on taking care of herself. Being self-sufficient is so much more important.”

“I agree, but I just think she might be happier if she wasn’t alone,” said her mother.

The two women sat across from the table, discussing Alice and how she should live her life like she wasn’t even here.

Alice just smiled and took a sip of her water.

No wonder she had no self-confidence. Although, for once, she was finally able to see it and be annoyed by it and not beat herself up. That was progress, at least.

Alice fidgeted nervously in her seat and ran her hand through her hair.

“Did you dye your hair again?” her mother groaned.

How was it possible she was almost thirty and her mom still treated her like she was sixteen?

“Yes, I did,” Alice answered curtly.

And I got a tattoo .

“What does Sasha say about it?”

“Nothing. It’s fine, Mom.”

Her mom just hummed in judgment.

“Oh, I did run into Steve the other day. He was asking about you.”

Another thing she didn’t want to talk about with her mom. But boys and her job were all they ever really wanted to talk about.

Her mother was an accomplished woman. She was a high-school teacher for most of Alice’s life until she retired early, when her brother had kids and became a “full-time grandma,” as she tells anyone who will listen. But the way she pushed Alice to either find someone to take care of her or learn how to take care of herself always made her feel like shit.

“That’s nice,” Alice said, hoping for a subject change.

“Do you still talk to him?” asked Isabelle.

“Not really.”

“Why not?”

Because I got tired of giving him blow jobs and taking him to hockey games . “I think we’ve just grown apart.”

“Well, what have you been up to lately? Is there anyone new?” her mom asked.

Yes, there is, and I’m so in love with him, and he treats me so well. So well it has me questioning other people in my life is what she could have said.

“I’ve been pretty busy with work. I’ve also started working on my art again,” she said, feeling the excitement bubble up inside of her.

“I’ve been doing some research,” Alice continued. “And I think I might try to start doing some commissioned sketches. I’ve been talking to someone who’s an author, and she says that a lot of writers are looking for people to do character art?—”

“You started playing around with that again?” Isabelle asked.

Usually, this attitude just caused shame and shut her down... but instead of shame, she felt a different emotion. Anger.

“I’m not playing around. I’m good at it,” Alice said with all the confidence she could muster.

“Oh, honey, you are good at it. Your drawings are great. They always have been. I just think, sometimes, it’s best to keep your hobby just for you and focus on your job.”

Hearing how wrong those words made her feel also made her aware how much she had believed them until recently.

“Why don’t you think I can do it?” Alice asked plainly.

“Honey, it’s not that. I think you just need to be realistic.”

“You do know there are people who manage to make a living doing art, right? And maybe instead of spending so much time and energy telling me how hard it is going to be and helping me find all these jobs I’m bad at, you could, for once, see that I am good at something. And maybe we could work on figuring out how to make it work instead of trying to make me fit into molds I’ll never fit in to.”

Her mother’s mouth dropped open and looked at her like she had just been slapped across the face. “How long have you felt like this?”

“I don’t know, a long time, I think... I’m just trying to figure out some stuff,” Alice said.

Her mom’s face fell a bit, a pathetic look that made Alice’s skin crawl. “I just worry about you, sweetheart.”

“I’m going to be fine. I just need to figure some stuff out on my own.”

“Okay, sweetheart, you figure it out, and I’ll keep my mouth shut. I’ve heard the chopped salad here is good. Should we get two?”

Alice just raised her eyebrows.

“Or you get whatever you want, and I’ll get the chopped salad.”

Alice nodded and ordered the lasagna, the most non-salad thing she could think of... And it also may have reminded her of Taylor and their Christmas Eve in the cabin.

Later that night, she was working on setting up her Instagram page while watching the hockey game.

It was nice to see Taylor play, even while he was far away. Sasha had her working from home. She would get sent pictures and videos to post to the team’s pages.

This next one, she was really happy to post. It was a video of Taylor getting a goal. Part of her was tempted to put a heart eyes sticker on the post, but she didn’t.

About an hour after the game was over, her phone was ringing, only this time, she realized it was a FaceTime call. She decided to answer it on her laptop. And there he was, in his own hotel room.

“Hey there, Rainbow,” he said, smiling at her.

“Nice goal tonight.”

“Thanks, it was a lucky bounce.”

“I think very little comes down to luck when you’re on the ice,” she said with a smile.

“How was your day?”

“It was good. I went to lunch with my mom and sister... and I’m pretty sure I told them I wanted to focus on my art.”

The smile that covered his face warmed her. “Did you really? What did she say?”

“Well... it’s a bit of a work in progress.”

“Well, I’m proud of you.”

Those words shouldn’t make her heart soar quite as much as they did, but she found she really needed to hear them. “Thank you.”

“So, tomorrow is Valentine’s Day . . .”

“Yeah, we can do something when you get back,” she said quickly.

“Oh, we’ll do something when I get back, but I have a couple tricks up my sleeve,” he said.

“What did you do?” she asked, feeling all warm and glowy inside.

“You’ll see. I just wanted to make sure you’ll be home in the morning.”

“I don’t have any plans. I’ll probably be home all day. When you guys are on the road, more of the social team meets remotely.”

“Good, well expect some surprises and a FaceTime for me after we beat L.A.”

“You better beat them. They deserve it just for keeping us apart on Valentine’s Day,” she said with a playful smile.

“The audacity,” Taylor said with a shake of his head.

“That’s what I’m saying.”

“Don’t worry, though. I’ll make it up to you.”

He already did. Just by existing, he made her life better. She never would have had the courage to talk to her mother like she had today before him. She wasn’t going to let that take her pride, but she could acknowledge that part of the reason she had that newfound belief in herself was because of Taylor.

She’d been thinking a lot about their conversation. She wasn’t a lazy person with no drive, but because it was so easy for others to believe about her, she believed it herself. But she was starting to see that wasn’t the case.

The next morning, she woke up to her normal good morning text, but there was something else that got her out of bed. A knock on her door sounded again.

She stumbled out of bed, pulled on a hoodie and sweatpants, then made her way down to the door.

There was a delivery driver at her door holding a box of donuts, a steamy hot latte, and an entire bouquet of daisies. Some white and lovely, others in vibrant colors.

“Thank you,” she said, taking everything from the delivery guy. She pushed some things around on the coffee table, making room for everything, then pulled out her phone and snapped a picture.

Alice - What a wonderful way to wake up

She waited for his response, but there were no dots. When he was on the road, his availability was unpredictable.

There was a small envelope sticking out of the daisies, so she pulled it out and slipped the small card from the envelope.

I wish I was there to see your beautiful face today. You make my world a colorful place.

XO – Taylor

That note alone would have been enough to make her smile, but it was written in what she knew was his neat handwriting. The fact that he’d taken the time to actually write the card before leaving made her smile. How on earth did she get so lucky?

Then she was suddenly panic stricken. This was the first of many surprises, and she hadn’t planned anything yet. Why was this always like her? Why didn’t she put any thought into this? She had said it was important to her, yet she still did nothing to prepare...

“Stop,” she said. “He didn’t do this because he expected anything from me.”

After another deep breath, she had an idea.

She went into her mudroom off her garage, which she never used as a mudroom. The wall of south-facing windows offered amazing light, so that is where she’d set up a little painting studio.

Pulling up her phone, she printed a copy of the picture of her and Taylor in her bathroom mirror, one she gazed at when he was away. It was from the night they had reconciled and had covered each other in kind words. From the colorful writing and art covering both of them to the look on their faces as they looked at each other, it was perfect.

She pinned the photo on the corkboard next to her easel, opened the closet, and chose the canvas, making sure she had all the colors she needed. It would be good to do this without a trip to the art store.

Just like that, she was all set up with all the paints she needed. The reference photo was right in front of her. On the table next to her was the vase with her beautiful flowers, her latte, and a donut resting on a paper towel. Her hair was pulled up, and she had her painting overalls on. She was ready.

As she worked the preliminary sketch, the snow softly fell outside her window. While she wished Taylor was here to make this a special day, this was good. She hadn’t felt this in the zone for a long time. She sat on her stool and began painting. Everything else in the world fell away as she worked.

After a while, she was pulled from her work by the ring of her phone. She put down her paintbrush and wiped her hand on her pants before picking up the FaceTime call.

“Sasha, hi,” she said.

“Hey, Alice, I just wanted to check in with you. You weren’t on the morning call.”

“Oh, shoot. I’m so sorry! I just got busy and lost track of time. I?—”

“It’s fine. I’m not too worried about it,” Sasha said. “I just wanted to make sure the posts for today and the Valentine’s Day posts were scheduled and good to go and that you’ll be able to post tonight.”

“Yep, they go live soon. I’ll be ready for tonight. I’ll set a reminder as soon as we’re done here.”

“What are you up to?” she asked. “You look busy.”

Alice could see some paint smudges on her face, and her hair was tied up. She clearly looked like she’d been doing something.

“I’m painting.”

“Like a room in your house?”

“No, I’m painting a portrait of Taylor and me. I’m going to give it to him when he gets home.”

Those words were out of her mouth before she knew what she said.

“I was wondering if there was something going on between you two,” Sasha said as a grin grew wide across her face.

The horror on her face must have been obvious.

“Don’t worry,” Sasha said. “I won’t tell anyone. Are you two together?”

Alice just nodded, unable to find any words.

“He mentioned you’d been sketching some pictures of the players and Mr. Wizard,” Sasha said.

“Did he?” Alice asked.

Sasha nodded.

“Yeah, I’ve done a couple. I’ve been doing them during the downtime in the games.”

“I would love to take a look at them. Did you do one of Conner?”

“Of course I did,” Alice said with a smile. “If you really want to look at them, I’ll send them over to you today.”

“Perfect! Just to double-check, you’re good for tonight, right?”

“Yep! I’ll be ready. I’m sorry again for missing the morning meeting.”

“We’re good.”

Alice got off the phone and dropped her head back with a sigh. This is why she sucked. She always forgot everything.

“No!” she told herself again.

She was going to start being kinder to herself. Maybe that is what her New Year, New Me would be. A version of herself that learned to love herself as she was and not constantly trying to fit into a box she would never fit into.

She set the alarm on her phone she needed and got back to work.

After another couple of hours, another knock at the door interrupted her. This time, it was an older woman she didn’t recognize. Alice opened the door.

“Hi, can I help you?” she asked the woman holding the basket.

“I’m Maggie, Taylor’s housekeeper. He asked me to bring you this.” She handed her a basket of goodies.

Just then, her phone dinged.

Taylor: hope you’re having a good day.

Alice: Thank you so much for the basket

Taylor: you’re welcome, you have one more surprise coming.

Alice: you’re too good to me. I’ve been working on something for you all day. I can’t wait for you to get home to give it to you.

Taylor: I can’t wait either baby

She sat the basket on her coffee table and pulled out old stickers from Monsters of the Realm. There was a Magic Hockey mug with a hot chocolate bomb. There were also all kinds of art supplies... But as she tugged out a brown paper package with a little cellophane window, her heart squeezed. There was no way, but there above the little window was the words Ye Olde Candy Shop . It was the caramel pretzel balls she could only get in the small town their cabin was in.

Alice: How did you do this?

She texted him a picture of the pretzel balls.

Taylor: I have my ways winky face emoji

Alice: Thank you so much

Taylor: Anything for my rainbow girl, but you have to save me some

Her breath caught in her throat. She was not used to being treated this way and never thought she would be the girl people did stuff like this for. Before she knew what was happening, a tear streamed down her face. She pushed it away, opened the pretzels, and got back to work.

The snow had been lightly falling all day, and by then, the natural light was gone. She turned on the overhead light, and while it was nowhere near as good as the natural light from the windows, it would be enough for her to get more done. She would get it where she wanted it, then tomorrow, she would get up and put on the finishing touches.

Her alarm went off on her phone. It was 6:30, which meant it was 3:30 on the West Coast. That gave her enough time to shower and get ready for game-day’s post and suit cam footage and all that stuff.

When she was done in the shower, another knock rattled the door while she was still running a comb through her wet hair. She grabbed her phone and almost skipped down the stairs to see what her last surprise was.

There was another delivery driver. This time, he handed her some to-go containers and a small wrapped package.

“Alice Wagner?” asked the man.

“That’s me,” she said with a smile.

She brought it all in and put it on her coffee table, where she had her laptop set up ready to watch the game and start posting pregame posts.

Her phone rang with a FaceTime. Before she knew it, she was looking at the face of her handsome hockey player in his game-day suit in sunny California.

“Look at you! It’s been snowing here all day.”

“Not here. The weather’s beautiful.”

“I would pretend to be mad, but I can’t even pretend today.”

“You do look very happy,” he said with a wide, self-satisfying grin.

“I am! I’ve had all your presents, and I spent the day making your present.”

“Oh, really? Now I’m intrigued...” He wagged his eyebrows.

“I am, too. What’s this?” she asked, holding up the present.

“Open it.”

She pulled the paper away, showing a small jewelry box. Her hands shook. She’d never gotten a present from a guy she’d dated before... let alone a day of thoughtful gifts... let alone what appeared to be jewelry.

She opened the blue velvet box. There, nestled in the middle, was an opal pendant necklace.

“Taylor,” she whispered as her finger traced the smooth, iridescent stone. “This is beautiful.”

When her eyes found him again, his warm, contented smile did something to her. It gave her a deep sense of peace. Just maybe he liked her as much as she did him... she had never felt like that before.

Tears streamed down her face.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I’m good. I’m so good,” she said, swiping tears from her cheeks. “You’ve just been so thoughtful today. I’m not used to it.”

He cocked his head, seemingly taking her in.

“Is this an opal?”

“Yeah, it’s your birthstone, and the iridescent nature of the stone itself makes me think of you.”

Fuck. She was so fucking in love with this man.

“Thank you so much... I wish I had planned ahead for something for you.”

“Alice, I did these because I wanted to make you happy, not because I wanted them for myself.”

She bit her lip and wiped away another errant tear.

“I miss you,” she said.

The weight of those words had never been truer.

“I miss you, too.”

“Okay, I’m going to eat this lovely dinner. You go get ready for your game. I’ll be watching.”

They gazed at each other with unsaid words, neither ready to say it, but Alice sure felt it.