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Alice

T aylor’s bag was packed by the door. He would be leaving in twenty minutes. This morning, he had ventured out and made sure the road was plowed and got his car unstuck.

He was ready to head back to Glendale. She would be heading back for Glendale after the New Year. They would see each other, but she couldn’t help but sense this was over.

“Hey, are you okay?” he asked.

She just nodded.

“Talk to me.”

“Thank you,” she said softly.

Puzzled, he pulled back and looked at her. “Thank you? What on earth are you thanking me for?”

“For making our time in this cabin so perfect. I know I need a fresh start, but this was the perfect way to end a year, and now I get to start my new life without being a virgin,” she said with a small forced smile.

He didn’t seem to like her attempt to lighten the situation. She wished she wasn’t so bogged down with these emotions. He ran a hand through her hair and smiled at her.

“These past couple days have just been so perfect. I’m just sad they are ending,” she said in a sigh.

“Me, too. I’m so thankful for that winter storm and my mom’s new husband decided Disney at Christmas was a good idea,” he said as he stroked her cheek.

She gave a defeated laugh. “Right, I can’t help but think of all the little things that lined up perfectly for us to have these couple of days together.”

“While I’m not a believer in the fates per se, there definitely seem to be some forces at work. That’s for sure,” he said before brushing her hair behind her ear.

“I’ll never forget these couple of days.”

The dramatic nature of acting like he was a soldier leaving for war wasn’t lost on her, but that’s almost how she felt. As soon as he walked out that door, things would never be the same. Nothing would be the same, from the magic that seems to exist for only them to who she was as a person. Neither of those things would be the same. These past couple of days have changed so much. More than he could even know.

“I won’t either. But we’ll see each other. Right?” he asked.

“Oh yeah, of course.”

His eyes searched hers, and she could almost sense he wanted to continue things the way she did, but maybe that wasn’t a good idea. Of course she wanted to, wanted to live their lives like they had these past couple of days, but this wasn’t real. She still needed to prove to herself she was not a fuck-up.

She had almost forgotten that feeling because, when she was with Taylor, she didn’t feel like a fuck-up. Maybe she wasn’t a fuck-up, but she still needed to get her life together, and she couldn’t do that with another person... Could she?

Plus, a very real part of her believed, once he was gone, he would come to his senses. Then Alice would be the same fuck-up she’d always been, one who had come to know three days of utter happiness.

She was starting to spiral with all the confusing feelings.

“Talk to me. What’s going on in that pretty head?” he said before dropping the sweetest kiss on her forehead.

She shrugged, trying to hold in all the emotions wrecking her. She learned a long time ago her emotions were too much for people.

“I’ll text you when I land.”

She nodded.

“Hey, this doesn’t have to be over. We both live in the same city.”

“If it wasn’t over...” she said softly, trying to not let herself get her hopes up. “What would it look like?”

A crinkle covered his brow as her heart sank. “I don’t know, but I’m willing to find out if you are.”

“What does that mean?”

She didn’t want to seem like she was being clingy, having been deemed that too many times before.

His brow creased as he said, “I mean...” He sighed. “I don’t want to promise something I can’t deliver, but I’m also not ready for this to be over. I don’t know what it looks like, but I’d like to see you when we get back.”

She closed her eyes, sighed, and tried to let those words take hold. Opening her eyes, she found the clock... They had five more minutes.

Not wanting to spend those five minutes second-guessing or worried about what might or might happen, she wrapped her arms around him to soak him in. Memorizing the feel of his arms around her, of his back muscles, as her cheek rested on his hard chest.

If she never got this chance again, she would memorize him in case this was it. When they would leave this cabin, things would get complicated. How could they not? Because even if this was it and getting over him was the hardest thing she ever had to do, she wouldn’t have done anything different. She would still choose to go all in on these couple of days with him.

She was pulled out of the moment when he whispered, “I have to go.”

She breathed him in and squeeze him one last time, and he did the same. Then she let go of him and followed him to the door. Their eyes connected in a quiet respect for what had happened here.

He cupped her jaw with one hand, looking down at her. His eyes were filled with adoration. It would make her cry if they drew out this goodbye any longer, and she was hoping he would be gone before the breakdown hit.

His hand slid from her jaw until it was holding the back of her head and bringing her to him. This kiss was like a promise yet still weighed down by the goodbye.

“I’ll text you,” he said, breaking the kiss. He gave her one last kiss before reaching for the door.

She took a shaky breath as he turned the handle. The cold air that hit her in the face was enough to snap her out of the emotion wave she was just about to be swept away in.

“Bye, Alice,” he said with one last kiss. Before she could say anything, he squeezed her hand and turned and left, shutting the door behind him.

His car rumbled as her back collapsed against the back of the door. But before she could sink into a good cry, a sudden knock rapped behind her.

As she stood, she pulled the door open. Taylor was standing there with a sheepish expression.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

“I can’t text you when I get home if I don’t have your number,” he said, handing her his cell phone.

She took it and put her number in and handed it back to him. He texted her.

“There. Now I’m really leaving, but you’ll be hearing from me soon,” he said with one last kiss.

“Looking forward to it.”

This time, she watched him walk to the car from the porch as she pulled her hoodie around herself. He opened the door and waved. She gave a small wave before turning around and watching him pull away. She didn’t have the strength to actually watch him drive away from this cabin and her.

That night, she made brownies, ate them out of the pan with a big glass of milk, watched It’s a Wonderful Life , and cried. This is how she had envisioned her whole Christmas break going, but instead, it had been utterly life changing. She could do this. She could get her life back on track.

Her phone buzzed on the coffee table.

Taylor: I’m home

Alice: Glad you made it home safe

That was it. But it didn’t matter. Even if that’s all it ever was, he had been great. It’s not his fault she fell in love entirely too easily. After drowning her sorrows in brownies, she was crawling into bed.

She went to plug in her phone, but the cord seemed to have gone under the bed. As she reached underneath, her hand connected with something. She pulled it out and could help but laugh. There, in her hand, was the rainbow unicorn horn dildo. Yeah... these past few days have been utterly life changing.