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CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

SWAN

D rake acted like normal the next day. Like he didn’t have me soaking my underwear and needing to masturbate. Nothing happened Thursday, either, other than him being his normal flirty self. Plus, he didn’t repeat the lip touching or thumb sucking when he’d walked me to my room.

I had hoped. But he might’ve mistaken my jittery nerves for hesitation. That I didn’t want him to try something. Even when I did. I wanted him to show me his cards and let me know he was interested. If he was.

Worry that I’d misinterpreted the look he’d given me made me act like a nervous raccoon on speed, chattering on and on about the library and how Rommy had talked me into going to the nightclub. I’d said that I wanted to go because I’d never been to one. I also told him that Petra overheard my plans, and I was worried she’d show up without an invite.

Drake reassured me that he’d get rid of her if she did. That was before he tapped my nose gently and waited for me to go into my room.

On Friday, Drake drove me to the library again with the usual conversation about our planned days or his mild flirty remarks, but nothing new or more. It reinstated my doubts over what I thought had been desire in his gaze.

Tonight may be different, I told myself as I looked in the mirror. I felt pretty, even though I wasn’t wearing anything special. I only had on jeans, heels, and a backless red halter top, which I hadn’t worn in years. My back was mainly covered by my long wavy hair, which needed a redye, and I put on just a little make-up of powder, eyeliner, and mascara.

Still, I felt like there was something different about myself. Something that had me buzzing with happiness when I looked at my reflection.

I cocked my head. Maybe it was because the guilt wasn’t suffocating me so much anymore. Or it could be that I’d finally accepted that it wasn’t wrong of me to like someone. Shrugging, I decided it didn’t matter what it was. I planned to enjoy myself.

I walked out of the room just as Drake exited his.

“Good timing,” I called.

He grinned over at me and then stilled, eyes flaring a little. “Birdy, you look delicious.”

Heat hit my cheeks as I pressed a hand to my swirling belly. “Um, thanks?” Why did that sound like a question. “You, ah, look good too.” He always looked good in his jeans, Henley, club cut, and boots.

He chuckled and came towards me as I clasped my shaky hands behind my back. “You sure you’re good to go?”

Do you want to stay here and entertain me naked instead? I blushed from my own thought and nodded instead.

His gaze ran all over my face, and he smirked. “Little birdy, I’d give anythin’ to read your mind right about now.”

I let out a weird honking laugh and covered my mouth, shaking my head.

His grin was wicked. “I fuckin’ think I would.”

“Master Drake and Mistress Swan, Taro-sama sent for me to retrieve you both. They are waiting out front in the car.”

“Thanks, Katon,” Drake said. Katon bowed and disappeared as Drake reached around me and took one of my hands to lead me away. At the stairs, Drake tucked my hand into his other one while the closest went around my waist to help me down in my heels.

I was already swooning over his words, so really anything extra he did that made me melt was a bonus.

However, there was a risk of me forgetting to breathe and passing out.

Drake assisted me at the car, and I slid in, moving over to the side seat of the limousine since Ruin and Wolf were already on the back pew. Drake climbed in and sat next to me, talking to Ruin about something.

His thigh was pressed against mine, and I couldn’t look away from it. His warmth seeped into me. It wasn’t wrong to want him, right? I wished my own brain had an answer for me. Then again, I’d been told often enough that it wasn’t bad for me to keep living and feeling and wanting.

Lockland would always hold my heart. A part of it, at least, but I was allowed to give the rest away to someone else.

A sudden image swept through my mind of Lockland standing in front of me with blood running from his mouth, coating his chest, as he told me he loved me.

Tears threatened. I fisted my hands and looked away from our touching legs. Why did I picture that now? Was it my own subconscious telling me I was a horrible person?

I don’t want to be horrible.

I’m not.

I don’t think I am.

I still love Lockland. But I do Drake, too, and I don’t want to bury that feeling anymore. I want to feel it.

I glanced over and saw Wolf watching me. He cocked a brow. I shook my head, hoping he wouldn’t ask me if I was okay and draw Ruin’s or Drake’s attention to me.

He nodded once and took his phone out to scroll over something.

The club wasn’t far from where Wolf lived, and when I got out of the car, I noticed we were parked down an alleyway.

“It’s the back entrance,” Wolf told me.

When the car switched off, I looked to the front as Ryo and Link climbed out. They met us by the door.

Wolf waited for Ryo to end his call and tell him, “It’s clear. The other guards are holding people back until we’re in position.”

I winced, hoping all this wasn’t because of me not wanting to be seen by any of those superfans.

Drake’s hand slid to my lower back.

A thumb, four fingers, and a palm touched my skin, causing me to shiver.

“This setup is for Wolf,” Drake said as we followed the others inside. “For his protection too.”

“Oh, okay,” I said, taking in the upbeat music as we walked down a long hallway and up some stairs.

His hand hooked around my waist as he pulled me to a stop so we didn’t run into Ruin in front of us. A door opened, and the music grew louder. Ryo and Link went first, then Wolf and Ruin, before Drake ushered me out onto the second level of the club that held a balcony, which I suspected looked over the dance floor below.

I started to head over there to look downstairs when I got stopped by a short dark-haired beauty.

“Swan! Hey, hello. I’m so glad you came.” She pulled back and bounced on her feet in front of me. “We’re going to have so much fun. Do you want a drink or to dance or to sit?”

“Yeah, hi, Rommy,” Drake said with clear amusement in his tone.

Rommy rolled her eyes. “I saw you today.” She spun and took off her top in a flash, holding it against her breasts. “See. Look. Drake did that. Isn’t it cool?”

The tattoo of the quote and some flying books sat on her left shoulder. It looked stunning. “It’s amazing,” I told her.

“I know!” She re-dressed and faced me again. “How’s things at the library? Will you be working there more, or are you going home? You know, it’d be fantastic if you moved here. But I guess Jody took the job you could have had. Did you meet my friend there? Tammy.”

Drake rested a hand on Rommy’s shoulder. “How about we grab a drink and take a seat first?”

She nodded, took my hand, and pulled me forwards—away from Drake’s hand that had still been on my lower back, warming me all over.

“Rommy, don’t yank her around,” Drake called. I glanced back to see he was following with a scowl.

Rommy laughed. “Oops, sorry.” She slowed before we reached the bar where Josie, Pick, and Billy stood. I noticed Vicious and Nary were sitting in a booth that Ruin and Wolf had headed to. Ryo and Link stood talking near the balcony.

Once we greeted one another, Drake got close and asked, “What do you wanna drink?”

“Whiskey and cola,” I told him.

Rommy ordered her own drink from a different bartender than Drake’s female one who was eyeing him like she was thirsty.

It put a bad taste in my mouth.

Josie asked me how the library was going, and while I told them about it and answered Rommy’s question, I kept glancing over at the bartender who was taking her sweet time making our drinks.

Rommy bumped her hip into mine. “I’m glad you met Tammy. She told me she’d been out sick. I was worried you wouldn’t get to meet her. I like most of the ladies at the library except Petra.” She scrunched up her nose. “She’s a total witch.”

I smiled at her. “I know what you mean. She’s giving Jody hell because she wanted the manager’s position.”

“Ladies!”

We all looked over to Nary, who had yelled. She waved us over with one hand while using the other to shove at her husband to get him out of the booth. Ruin was laughing at his sister.

“Girl talk,” Rommy shouted and raced over to Nary’s table.

But I wanted to stay with Drake.

He turned with my drink in hand and held it out to me. “Sorry.”

“You can’t help attracting attention wherever you go,” I teased.

He smirked before he took a sip of his beer. “Is that you tellin’ me you think I’m good-lookin’, Birdy?”

Oh shit.

I practically had, hadn’t I? I opened my mouth, made a noise, and closed it again.

Drake chuckled. “Good to know. But you don’t need to worry. I ain’t into her either.” He nodded back to the bartender.

Her either?

Wait, what?

Oh, he’d said that for Petra too. Who would he be interested in?

Me. It was me. I hoped and prayed it was me. But did I?

Yes, dammit . I wanted Drake to be into me like I was him.

“Swan, are you coming over?” Josie asked.

I slowly tore my gaze away from Drake’s and looked to her. She thumbed over to the table.

“Yes.” Looking back to Drake, I asked, “How much do I owe you for the drink?”

Billy snorted, Pick chuckled, and Drake smirked. “Nothin’.”

“But—”

“Go do your girl talk, Birdy.”

“Come on,” Josie said, taking my hand. As we walked over to the table that Vicious and Ruin had left to stand with Ryo and Link, Josie leaned in and whispered, “What was up with that?”

Sighing, I shrugged. “I don’t know.”

Josie laughed. “From an outside point of view, there was a hell of a lot of sexual tension.”

I gaped at her. “You think so?” It wasn’t only in my imagination. This was real.

Drake Marcus was attracted to me.

Holy shit. Drake Marcus is into me.

Josie pulled me to a stop in the middle of the floor. “You didn’t think so? But you want there to be?”

I shook my head. Then I nodded while I blushed and winced.

“Oh, honey, signals can be a bit confusing. I know he’s always been flirty. But I also know my nephew and can read him like a book. That was a clear sign he’s into you.”

I always forgot Josie had been adopted by Zara and Mattie’s parents. She’d been around since I was two and Drake had been born.

She studied me for a moment and asked, “Are you into him like that?”

I glanced back to Drake and pulled my eyes away quickly when I saw him watching us over the rim of his glass as he took a drink. Suddenly feeling hot, I took a gulp of mine.

Josie smiled wide. “You are.”

I dropped my gaze to my hands wrapped around the cool glass. The urgent need for reassurance from someone had me asking, “Do you think it’s too soon and terrible of me to?—”

I shut up and looked up at her when Josie rested her hand to my upper arm. “I know how hard it’s been for you, Swan. But in life, all you can do is love who you can for however long you have with them, because you never know what can happen. Mum taught me that when she lost Dad and fell in love with Gamer.”

I gave her a watery smile and sniffed. “Yeah.”

She curled her arm around my waist, and we walked over to the table together.

Wolf moved around the other side so we could slide into the booth. Josie smirked at him. “Can I ask why you’re here for the girl talk?”

“A lot of the time when the men get together, they speak of their motorcycles. It bores me. I have more fun gossiping with your lot.”

“Yay, we’re better than the boys. And I know exactly what you mean. That happens at work too,” Rommy said. “Now, what are we going to talk about?”

“I think I’m in love with Drake now that I’ve stopped fighting myself over thinking I was a terrible person for wanting someone after losing Lockland,” I blurted quickly and then downed the rest of my drink.

“Holy shit,” Rommy yelled, getting to her knees on the seat and slapping the table.

Nary grabbed a hold of her. “Shush,” she said quickly.

Rommy ducked down, grinning. “I knew this night was needed.”

I snorted and met Wolf’s gaze. “Bet you wish you were elsewhere now.”

He smiled. “I do not. How else would I tell you that when I see him look at you, you’re all that exists.”

My belly fluttered.

“Really?” I breathed.

“Yes, and right now, he is watching us like the protector those men can be over their partners.”

I glanced over my shoulder to see him leaning against the bar, facing our way, with his arms crossed over his chest and his brows furrowed while Pick and Billy talked to him.

“Ha, he’s worried we’re corrupting you somehow,” Rommy said.

I turned back around. “What do I do?”

“Kiss him,” Rommy said.

Just the thought had me blushing and holding the still-cool empty glass to my hot cheek.

“I agree.” Wolf nodded.

Nary shrugged. “It can’t hurt. I doubt he’d make a move.”

Josie shook her head. “He won’t. Not unless you give him a clear sign that you want him to make a move.”

Oh God . Was I seriously going to do this?

It could wreck our friendship.

But did I want to go on through life without knowing if a relationship with Drake would work in all the right ways?