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CHAPTER SIXTEEN

SWAN

I t was a week after I’d been to the tattoo studio when I walked through my front door and Mum announced, “We’re having dinner with the Marcus crew tonight.”

I placed my bag on the stand near the entrance and removed my shoes. “All of them?” There were a lot of them. Would we even fit everyone in the kitchen?

Mum laughed. “I think so. We set up enough places for everyone. We opened the patio doors and connected the inside table with the one outside. There’s also the other outdoor seating area some can sit at while we eat.”

“Okay. I’m just going to get changed. I’ll be back down soon. Let me know what you need a hand with.”

“Will do,” she called, heading towards the kitchen while I went upstairs.

The last time I’d seen Maya was when I called in to have a coffee with her at the tattoo shop. That had been my own little “stuff you” to my fear over going somewhere that wasn’t home or work.

It sounded ridiculous now, since it was still a place owned by a club member.

But it had made me feel stronger.

It also had nothing to do with Drake working there that day.

I hadn’t wanted to see him, really.

Then I was surprised by the ache under my ribs and the bitter taste in my mouth when I’d overheard that woman’s words. Lately, I’d been thinking about him a lot. It was wrong. I shouldn’t be.

Sighing, I braided my hair and slipped on leggings and an oversized tee to be more comfortable.

As I walked downstairs, I noticed there was a flutter to my stomach.

I’m just hungry.

The doorbell rang, which caused me to jump. Since I was close, I swallowed my nerves and went to open it.

“Hey, Swan,” Talon said. He kissed the top of my head on the way through.

“Hi, sweetheart.” Zara hugged me.

Where were the rest of them?

Zara smiled. “Maya and Texas can’t make it. Neither can Mum and Gamer. Drake’s running late, and Ruby should be here any moment. Julian, Mattie, and Aeila are close too.”

“No problem. I’ll stay by the door.”

Zara snorted. “You know they’ll let themselves in.” She hooked her arm through mine. “Come on. Let’s go find your mum.”

Which was how I got led into the kitchen by Mum’s best friend.

“Hey, hooker.” Mum smiled.

Zara let go of my arm and walked around the counter to hug Mum. “Wench. Ruby’s bringing the salads.”

“Okay. Swan, grab out some cutlery and put it on the table.”

“You got it.” I caught Dad and Talon talking out the back as Dad grilled some meat on the barbeque. Just as I placed the knives and forks down, I heard the door open.

“We’re here,” Ruby called.

“Kitchen,” Mum yelled back.

Ruby and her boyfriend entered with a smile and carrying two big bowls. One was filled with potato salad, and the other looked like a Greek one.

“Hi,” I said, taking Dillon’s bowl off his hands.

“Hi, everyone,” Dillon said.

“Huh, he’s still going strong,” Mum mock whispered to Zara, who shook her head.

“Aunt Dee, don’t start,” Ruby said with a glare.

Mum laughed. “Only teasing. It’s good to see you, Dillon.”

“You too, Mrs Daniels.”

Once Ruby placed her salad on the counter, she dragged Dillon outside.

“Is Talon still calling him Dilbert?”

Zara groaned. “He uses anything other than his name. But Dillon’s used to it now. He finds it funny.”

“Hello, my pumpkins” was yelled from the living room.

Julian had arrived. He entered with his husband, Mattie, who was Zara’s brother, and their daughter, Aeila.

We all greeted one another, and I pulled Aeila aside. “How were those books?”

“Good. But I’m all done with them, so I’ll have to come and change them. But it’ll have to be on the weekend or after school since I’m now back.”

I smiled and nodded. “I’m there all the time.”

“Is Nick gaming?” she asked.

“No doubt. He hides when there’s things to do.”

She giggled.

“Can you go get him and tell him to come socialise?” Dear God, I sounded like my mother.

“I’m on it.” She took off.

“Aeila’s going to drag Nicky out,” I told the others.

“Perfect.” Mum grinned.

Mattie snorted. “She’ll probably start gaming with him.”

“She games?” Zara asked.

“It’s only new,” Julian said.

There was a rumble of a bike coming down the street.

Drake.

I pressed a hand to my stomach when it started fluttering.

Guilt slammed into me. I stared down at the ground and clenched my teeth.

It felt wrong to react to Drake. Not just because he was a friend, but I also told myself that I shouldn’t react to another man so soon.

It’s been a year.

A year wasn’t enough.

Lockland had been my world.

But you lost contact.

We still cared for each other.

You could have tried harder.

But I didn’t know if he wanted me to contact him.

Bile rose. I pressed a hand to my mouth, turned, and walked out of the room.

“Swan?” Mum called.

“B-Back soon,” I managed to get out.

I just needed a minute. I needed my head to stop scrambling. To just stop .

Why was I trying to make excuses for myself?

I was on the stairs when the door behind me opened.

“Hey, Birdy.”

My heart thrashed.

I stilled.

Drake.

It was him.

I was attracted to Drake, but I wasn’t allowed to be.

I love Lockland .

I lost the man who was made for me. I shouldn’t be thinking about someone else.

Why was I reacting to Drake this way? Where had this attraction come from?

Why now? What did I do with it?

I couldn’t do anything. I wouldn’t. He was Drake.

Friend.

Family.

Club.

“Birdy?”

Hearing him approach, I quickly said, “I-I’ll be back down in a second. I got something in my eye.” And then I bolted up the stairs.

It was wrong.

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

You stupid bitch. The man you love just died, and you think you can want someone else. What happens if you get him killed? He doesn’t even want you. You selfish, stupid little cow.

Biting my bottom lip, I slammed into my room and shut the door, leaning against it.

Get it together.

Stop.

Just stop.

Please.

It was simple. All I had to do was ignore this… attraction to Drake. I had no right to even want him. The realisation just took me by surprise.

God, why did it have to be now of all times when he was in the house. I was so messed up. How could I be full of guilt and sadness but also feel… warmth and happiness about Drake?

Groaning, I rubbed at my face and wiped the few tears that had fallen away before I straightened and took a deep shuddering breath.

I’d talk to my psychologist. She’d know what to do. She’d know if I was a horrible person for being attracted to another man so soon after losing so much.

After another inhale, I opened my door and jolted. Drake stood on the other side.

“Birdy?” Concern shone in his gaze.

Damn him for looking good and making my pulse race. His hair was dark, messy, and wavy. He’d somehow grown in a blink of an eye in not only height but build.

How had I never noticed how fit he was?

His dark blue tee hugged his forearms like a second skin. My face flamed.

Stop looking at him.

I shot my gaze over his shoulder. “All good now,” I told him.

“Sure?”

I nodded and then waved a hand to the side. “Dinner is probably ready.”

My throat closed over when he reached up and traced a finger along my jaw. “Then let’s go.”

I made a noise and blushed again. I brushed by him and flew downstairs in hope of a much-needed distraction. It was wrong. I shouldn’t look at him like that and want… and want…. I wanted to kiss him.

Dear God.

I am a terrible person.