Page 83 of String Boys

“There’s room for a crib and a changing table?”

“Yes,” Kelly said decisively, his eyes never leaving Seth’s. Seth knew. They both knew what this meant. It meant that Kelly wasn’t just staying home for junior college. It meant he was staying home until Lily and Lulu got old enough to help in the same way Kelly could. It meant he was home until Agnes left for college, and that he’d be helping his mother with the rent for years to come.

It meant that their amorphous time in the future, that had seemed so close, had just become a world away. It had dropped off the horizon. The curve of the earth obstructed its existence entirely.

And it also meant that Seth was going to have to make himself scarce. Chloe was being taken from her parents. One word—onebreath—about Seth being involved with Castor Durant’s death, and she’d be taken from Kelly’s family as well.

Seth’s eyes burned, and he clutched Chloe a little closer, even as she threatened to rip them both apart.

Kelly’s lips moved, a message meant just for Seth.I’m sorry.

Seth returned with a small watery smile.I still love you.

Kelly nodded and wiped his eyes with the inside of his shirt. Seth almost missed it then, but Kelly shook his head and pulled Seth’s attention back to his face.Forever. I promise.

And then everybody was listening to the doctor who’d seen too much and the social worker who felt like she could do too little. Chloe fell completely asleep, and Seth set her inside her car carrier and buckled her up.

He pulled Kelly aside for a moment as the doctor was explaining the hospital’s policy on admitting patients into their rehabilitation center and how Matty would be eligible for fifty-six days on his insurance from work, but after that, he would be asked to pay for it or be transferred to a state-run facility.

Seth wasn’t sure how Linda and Kelly could keep all the details straight.

“I’ll take a Lyft back to the apartment,” he said quietly. “Do you want me to take her with me, or should you and your mom keep her from here on out?”

Kelly slumped forward. “You have to go?” he asked plaintively.

“What if Matty sees me again?” Seth explained, hating that he had to. “Chloe needs you guys, Kelly. They’ll take her away if he starts screaming about… things.”

“And you could be locked in a cage,” Kelly muttered. “Don’t forget that!”

“I’d do it,” Seth said frankly. “I’d give up everything and serve my time if it meant we could be together—”

Kelly shook his head. “It would just mean we couldneverbe together,” he said. “Go. I’ll take her.”

Seth gave a little whimper. “We just met,” he said wistfully, looking at her sleeping face. “Maybe we can meet again.”

“Don’t give up on me—”

“Never,” Seth said. “I’ll be here for you as long as you need to be here for them. I swear, Kelly. I’m not… not always here in the present—”

“That’s not true,mijo.For me, you are always here.”

Seth kissed his forehead and handed him the baby carrier. “You know where I’ll be.”

Linda had broken away from the officials by then. “You’ll have to leave her here—”

“He knows, Mom,” Kelly said patiently, and Seth took this moment to look her in the eye.

“I’m so sorry, Mrs. Cruz. I’m so….” He couldn’t. “Very sorry,” he croaked, and then she hugged him, just for a second, and he’d never forget that, because her world was crumbling around her ears, the foundations of her heart ground to powder by the last twelve hours, and she still had a moment for him.

“We’re grateful for your help,” she said softly. “But you’re right. You should go.”

Seth nodded and turned to leave, pausing for one more look at the baby. “You have a good home,” he said. “It’s good that you’re keeping her. She needs you like I did.”

And then he was gone.

The buses weren’t running anymore. He had to call a car. The Lyft driver didn’t seem to expect a lot of chitchat, which was fine, because Seth’s throat was too swollen and his ears hurt too bad to even think of talking.

WHEN HEgot to the apartments, he went straight upstairs to knock softly. The picture of the Cruz family—taken right after baby Agnes was born—that sat on the far wall hit him like a slap in the face as his dad opened the door.