Page 57 of String Boys

Lulu tried to give me a hug from behind today, and I screamed bloody murder, and she cried. Then I had to hug her and sit with her for an hour and I felt like shit.

Okay. So that sucks too.

But I got your key chain and your card and the stuffed flamingo. Why a flamingo? I don’t care. I loved it. And I want to say partly… don’t keep buying me things, but I love them so much. I guess I’m still a little kid. Presents, man. They do it for me.

Anyway, you can send me emails again, and don’t forget to text and shit. I’m on your dad’s data plan. He says it’s unlimited, and you know something?

Your dad bought me a phone so I could talk to his son, my boyfriend.

I’m still wrapping my head around that.

I need to tell my folks. I mean, they know. They figured shit out. They keep telling Matty to shut up, and Matty deleted all your emails and got suspended from the computer. Mom made him stay after school in the computer lab to work on his finals.

I can’t even gloat, man.

I don’t know what the hell happened to my brother, but that’s not even him anymore.

By the way, tell Amara to text me at the new number too. I didn’t realize how much I’d miss her until she was gone. I mean, I won’t even notice Jimmy Durreson is gone for summer vacation, but I think you, me, and Amara need to watch scary movies on the computer and text together, you know?

Somebody told me they did that.

I’m hoping it helps me get over being scared.

I keep remembering all you did to keep me safe, mijo. And when I try to feel better, feel safer, I just get scared for you.

So text me asap.

Email me when you can.

Your dad says you’re traveling around a lot right now on the big bus, and he’s worried because your clothes were old and your shoes were old, and he didn’t have a chance to set up a bank account for you, so he’s doing all of that.

And I keep thinking it’s a good thing you have him to worry about all of that, because you probably haven’t noticed your toes hanging out of your shoes and your shirt rotting off your neck and the shorts that your waist is too small for and your legs are too long for.

I notice those things.

They make up my dreamy boy, right there.

But your dad’s right.

You still need to dress better.

Nobody needs to know you’re my dreamy boy but me.

I love you. That didn’t change. I mean, the whole world flopped on its head and died like that fish my dad caught camping, but the loving you didn’t change even a little.

Isn’t that weird?

Yeah, that’s weird.

But it’s true.

So know that all those moments we had that were quiet and perfect, even though you’re in a whole other place, those things are still in my heart.

I’ll try not to freak out so much when Lulu startles me. I’m afraid I’m gonna turn around and backhand Agnes if she does the same jumping thing, and that would feel awful.

Take care of my dreamy boy.

Kelly