Page 120 of String Boys

He looked himself in the mirror.

Buddies?

Oh God. He needed to explain the buddies thing.

“Seth—I swear, we’re gonna be late!”

Later.

DINNER WASreally good—a steakhouse in San Francisco, overlooking the bay. Guthrie ordered for both of them, even a glass of wine each, which Seth had never done before.

“Seriously?” Guthrie stared at him. “You’ve never even had wine?”

“I, uh, just turned twenty-two in February,” Seth mumbled. “I’ve been at Bridgford or the conservatory for the past five years. You’ve seen what I do on the weekends.”

Guthrie took a sip of wine. “Yeah, but Seth! Not even beer?”

Seth shrugged, uncomfortable. “My dad was—is an, uh, recovering alcoholic,” he muttered. “I didn’t like what it did to him.”

Guthrie’s eyes went wide. “I did not know that. When did he stop drinking?”

Another shrug. “I was in fourth grade. Right after I started playing. He, uh… you know. Got rough with me. Kelly’s dad heard and came downstairs and, well, I stayed at Kelly’s place for a month, and my dad went to rehab. It was… uh… you know.”

“Scary,” Guthrie said, setting his wineglass down. “Getting close to three years we’ve known each other—I never knew this. Is there anything else I should know?”

Seth couldn’t even smile or laugh about this. “Lots of things,” he said. “But… you know.”

“Not gonna tell me.”

“You wouldn’t like me if you knew,” Seth consoled.

Guthrie waved off the waitress, who was asking him if he wanted more wine. “I’m not sure about that. Kelly seems to know all your secrets.”

Seth gave a wistful smile. “He’s been there longer.”

“Yeah.” Guthrie gnawed his lower lip. “I… any chance you’d let another guy try to figure you out, Seth?”

Oh. Oh no.Seth looked away and took a quick swallow of wine. “I, uh, Kelly—”

“You can still be part of his family if you two aren’t going out. I mean, you guys, you’d still be friends, right?”

Seth frowned. “But what I have… in my chest. When I look at him.” Nobody had ever made him articulate this before. “It’s like he’s a perfect chord. You know, when you hear a perfect chord, you get goose bumps? And your heart gets tight in your chest? And the sun starts leaving halos around people, and you can almost close your eyes and see the whole world spread out beneath your feet?”

“No,” Guthrie said, his voice subdued. “I love music, but not like that.”

“That’s how I love music,” Seth explained, in case Guthrie had missed it, right? “That’s what looking at Kelly makes me feel.”

Guthrie let out a laugh that sounded more like a sob, and he almost pulled his hand through his queued hair, dislodging the rather handsome ponytail at the back of his crown. “Oh, it fucking figures,” he said, his voice raw. “The way you love Kelly is just one more thing about you that I’ll never understand.”

Seth knew his eyes were burning. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I… I knew you loved me a long time ago. I just… you were just such a good friend. I loved playing with you so much. I should have just—”

Guthrie shook his head. “Don’t say it.” He rubbed his own eyes with his palm. “Playing with you the last few years—it’s been… it’s been thebest.Going back to school, picking up something else besides my day job waiting tables? Playing music with someone as good as you? I… I wouldn’t trade our friendship for another heart three times as broken.” His voice cracked on the wordbroken, and he didn’t say anything else for a couple of moments.

Seth’s head buzzed, and he wasn’t sure if it was the wine or the emotion.

He dedicated himself to his steak, just in case it was the wine, and after a few awful bites, he tried to wipe his blurry eyes on his shoulder.

“Stop,” Guthrie said, humor lacing his voice. Seth looked up in time to see him pull a handkerchief from his pocket, like someone who’d practiced wearing a suit. “Here.” He reached across the table and mopped up Seth’s face, pausing at his nose so he could blow if he needed to. When he was done, he folded the handkerchief carefully and put it back in his pocket. “There. You can plow through that steak some more if you want to. Or we can go back to before you broke my heart and we can enjoy ourselves some more.”