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Chapter Twenty-two

My heart feels as though it’s been ground up into nothing but pulp. Jimmy cheated on me. I’m not even sure if that’s what I should be calling it. But he betrayed me and I’m so damn heartbroken. I don’t know if I’m mad or just sad. I want to hate him and curse him out of existence, and yet I miss him. It’s been a week since he told me that Sabrina is pregnant with his baby. I’ve tried keeping myself busy looking for a summer job and helping my mom out with my little sister.

Anything to keep myself from unblocking his number and telling him I don’t care about the baby or Sabrina. I only want to be with him. I can’t do that, though. I respect myself more than that.

If I wanted to be petty, I’d tell my mom, Prodigy, and Link everything. As hurt as I am, I don’t want to ruin his shot at the club. They’d kill him if they knew that all this time he was stringing me along and filling my head with lies. I want to believe that part of what we shared was real. That he did love me or whatever he considers loving someone. If he even knows the meaning of the word.

Some days I think he just got in over his head and others I am back to hating him.

No matter what I do or where I go, I’m reminded of memories of him. Nowhere is safe. Not the park where I take my little sister. Not my favorite ice cream shop. Ordering a pizza. Everything is tainted by thoughts of him.

I hate leaving my room most days, but know if I sulk, my mom will ask more questions than she already has been. She thinks I’m sad about Sam being so distant lately. I let her think it’s true. It’s safer than telling her the truth.

Even snuggling with my Fireball makes me think of him because he came up with her stupid name.

Another week passes me by in a blur.

Most of the club is back from their ride to California.

I overheard my mom say that Smoke and Ember got married. Jimmy told me they broke up, but maybe that was part of his lie also.

My phone buzzes with a call from my Aunt Pam. I almost send her to voicemail, but remember that she was supposed to call me if she found out anything about Jimmy. Maybe I’m a glutton for punishment. Hearing anything about him is only going to further break my heart, and yet I have to know. Whatever it is.

“Hello.”

“Sorry, I’m just getting around to calling, but things have been crazy.”

“That’s okay. I hope you had a great trip.”

“It was interesting and let’s just say a little birdie told me that Sabrina’s not even pregnant. She’s lying to Jimmy. Do with that what you will.”

“You’re sure?”

“Oh yeah. Girl most likely stole Ember’s pregnancy test and passed it off as her own.”

“Thanks, Pam.”

“No problem. I also have it on good authority that everyone’s at the clubhouse if you were to go looking for Jimmy.”

I end the call with Pam, and I’m conflicted. If Sabrina is lying, Jimmy deserves to know the truth, but it also would serve him right for all the mess and heartbreak he’s caused. I don’t know what to do.

Will he think I’m just trying to screw with them? Though, if it were me, I’d want to know, wouldn’t I?

It shouldn’t matter what I look like, but I take extra care doing my hair and makeup. I want Jimmy to eat his heart out when I deliver the news. Yes, it’s petty. No, I don’t care. When I pull up to the gate, there’s a guy I don’t recognize. He must be new.

I’m not above using my Uncle Link’s status as a club officer to get what I want and that’s exactly what I do. I spot him coming out of the clubhouse looking ten shades of pissed. I don’t know if Pam mentioned anything to him or if he knows anything, but if I wasn’t so determined to do this in person, I’d cower and run away at the sight of his brutal face.

“What are you doing here, Kiesha?”

“I have something to discuss with Jimmy.”

“And what the fuck would that be?”

“It’s personal. It’s between him and me.”

“Any business you’ve got with anyone here is my business and Prodigy’s. You better start talking.”

“It’s about his girlfriend. I just really need to speak to him.”

“Fine,” he grits at me as I spot Jimmy exiting the clubhouse with Smoke.

“There he is. I’ll just go talk to him.”

“You’ll stay right where you are. Prospect. Get your ass over here.”

The new guy, his jacket bearing the ‘Prospect’ title that marks him as a potential member of the club, quickly jogs over.

Link points to me. “Keep an eye on her. Make sure she doesn’t wander off.”

The Prospect nods, a determined look on his face as Link strides away towards Jimmy and Smoke. I cross my arms over my chest and glare at the guy whose name I find out is Tyler. He doesn’t say anything, just maintains his steady watch over me.

Standing here under his scrutiny makes me feel like a criminal awaiting punishment, but I’m not the one in the wrong.

I tap my foot impatiently, biting my lower lip as I watch Link pull Jimmy aside. They share a few heated words before Jimmy throws a glance in my direction. His expression is unreadable, but he doesn’t look happy to see me.

Finally, Link strides back to us, Jimmy following closely behind. Jimmy’s hands are shoved into his front pockets, his gaze focused on me with an intensity that steals my breath. Despite how much I want to hate him, seeing him makes me miss him. Makes me crave him in ways I shouldn’t. I have to remember that he’s the one who broke my heart and not the other way around. He ruined what we had.

“You have something to say to me,” he says, his voice strained.

I glare at my uncle. “Can you give us a minute?”

“You’ve got two minutes.” He motions for Tyler to give us some privacy.

Once they are out of earshot, I start. “I need you to listen. There’s something you should know about Sabrina. Supposedly, she’s not really pregnant. She used Ember’s test to trick you.”

“I know. Smoke told me.”

“Oh. Okay. As long as you know.”

“Does Link know?”

“About us?”

“Yeah. If he’s going to kill me, I’d at least like a head’s up.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“Thank you.”

“Right. Well, that’s all I wanted to say.” On the outside, I try to keep a brave face, but on the inside, I’m dying. All I want is to fall into his arms and go back to the way we were, but I can’t forgive, and I can’t forget.

“Aren’t you going to ask?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“What I plan to do about Sabrina?”

“That’s none of my business.”

He stares at me for a long moment before pushing a hand through his hair. “Can we talk somewhere? Preferably not in front of the gate or your uncle?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” My voice cracks and I nearly burst into tears. I want to say yes, but I can’t give in. I can’t get sucked back in.

“I just want to talk. You can drive. We’ll go somewhere public. I miss you.”

“I miss you too, but I can’t. I need time.”

“How much?”

“I don’t know.”

“You’re two minutes are up,” Link grumbles, interrupting our conversation.

“I said all I need to. Thank you.”

Link grunts and Jimmy stares at his shoes.

The second I walk away, I hear him grilling Jimmy, demanding to know why I needed to talk to him. I climb back in my car and lay my head back. I close my eyes and exhale. It was easier than I thought it would be––walking away from him a second time.

I drive around town aimlessly. I’m not ready to go home and have nowhere to go. I text my sister, but she’s at work and I’m not in the headspace to deal with the mall.

My mom and Prodigy took Kieleigh to watch a movie with another couple and their kids who are around the same age as her. I could have tagged along but would have felt out of place.

Eventually, I make my way home.

Fireball is sprawled across my bed, her furry body taking up far more space than it should. Her tail thumps against the comforter as she lifts her head to look at me, tawny eyes happy to see me.

“Hey girl,” I whisper, scratching her behind the ears. She purrs softly, nudging her head into my palm. “At least I’ve got you, huh?” I flop down next to her on the bed, scooping her into the crook of my arm to cuddle. She tolerates it for about one minute before she’s squirming and hiking her butt in the air to get away.

I pull out my phone and debate on unblocking Jimmy. Is he confronting Sabrina right now? Will he forgive her? Are they even together still? All questions I wanted to ask but couldn’t bring myself to vocalize when given the chance.

I need a clean break.

A new start.

I scroll down my contacts and hit call on Sam’s name. “Hey. Do you still need a roommate?”