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Chapter thirty-two

The tiniest space has the biggest echo

Lorilei

One of the small perks of being a senior on campus, I get my own room.

I don’t want it.

This is the last place I’d rather be. Mason deposited twice the money that I was asking for, directly into my account. I could get an apartment, but it isn’t Black Gulch Ranch. I’d have been happy for him to keep it all if I could have stayed.

My stuff is still down in the car, yet all I can do is curl up on the bare mattress and cry.

Everything is ruined.

Sophia hates me.

There’s no way that Mason would still choose me since she does. What kind of person would ask a man to pick them over their daughter?

Not me.

This hurts so damn much. Maybe it was better to not have someone. It would have meant I wouldn’t have to feel this pain.

Deep. Stabbing. Agony.

Tears tickle down my cheeks until snot fills my nose. Swallowing it makes my stomach turn until I find myself running into the bathroom to vomit.

At least the toilet is clean.

Sitting cross legged on the linoleum floor, I lean my head against the wall and close my eyes.

Is this where I pictured myself? Sobbing over a man like my mother?

I always stood back, watching her self-implode over and over and wondered what the hell was wrong with her that she kept doing it to herself.

The high I experienced with Mason’s touch was addictive. My fingers run up my arms leaving a trail of goosebumps in the chilly room.

I’m going to miss him. Pulling my knees up to my chest, I drop my forehead against the hard bone with a thunk.

This sucks. Much more than I ever fathomed.

Sophia was the only thing that’s made college life bearable last year.

Now, I’m alone.

My heart was so full this summer. I had her, Mason, and even Sawyer, that made me feel wanted and appreciated.

It’s gone. That part of my life is over.

I screwed it all up.

This pain is penance for the lies I told.

My phone buzzes from the other room, but I don’t have the energy to answer it.

What would I say? That I’d stay with him, but know it will drive Sophia away from him?

It isn’t fair to either of them.

The only thing I can do is try to pick up the pieces of my shattered soul and try to move forward.

Maybe in a few days, I’ll be able to talk to him without breaking down.

In the meantime, I just want to crawl in a hole.

At least my classes start tomorrow. That will give me something to focus on.