Page 10

Chapter ten

So close, so far away

Lorilei

He makes me feel awkward.

But real.

Alive, but unsure.

Like I want to do better for him, and try harder.

I don’t understand how.

There’s this drive to seek him out, yet I’m terrified I’ll mess up when he’s near.

What the heck is wrong with me?

Diving into cleaning seems to be the only way I can keep my thoughts focused.

I keep popping in to check on Sophia, but there’s something preventing me from mentioning her dad.

Probably because I know that my face will tell the truth no matter what I try to say.

It’d be weird. “Oh, by the way, I think your dad is hot.”

Hell, no.

I need a big project to distract me until I can get my head straight.

With a bucket and sponge, I knock on Sawyer’s door.

When he answers, his hat sits back over his wild dark hair. One tail of his shirt sticks out of his jeans, giving him a lopsided look.

“Hiya, Lori. Did you need some help with something?” He gives me a toothy, but shy grin.

I might regret this.

“I’m trying to get all of the bathrooms caught up. Yours and your dad’s are last.” My cheeks turn hot even mentioning Mason.

There’s probably a big neon sign flashing over my shoulder telling the world what I’m thinking.

His blue eyes widen and he swallows hard. “Oh, yea. Are you sure?”

“How bad can it be?” I’ve seen the bathrooms in a frat house at the one and only party I went to.

It did make me never want to go back. Well, that and how gropey the guys were. They were being so awful that I left early.

Probably the best decision I could have made. I heard later that a couple of the girls had their drinks spiked.

That was my freshman year, and it set the tone for the rest of college.

Avoid everyone, do my work, and get away when it’s done.

Hmm. Maybe that’s the safest route here, too.

Sawyer leads me through his disheveled room. It isn’t really gross, like I expected, just unorganized.

Piles of clean clothes sit on two chairs. His hamper is heaping as well. He does have a garbage can that isn’t quite full, yet.

But, when he flicks on the bathroom light, I can see it hasn’t seen a scrub brush in a very long time.

He shifts on his feet, one sock showing a hole in the toe below his jeans.

“I didn’t know you’d be doing mine. I’d have cleaned it a little.” His mouth twists as he chews on the inside of his cheek.

I don’t want to tell him that I’m doing this to work up the willpower to clean Mason’s next.

The thought of being in Mason’s bedroom brings a fresh wave of heat to my face.

“It’s fine. I don’t mind. It’s what I’m here for.” I give him a chipper smile and push the bathroom door closed so I can work without him watching.

Having an audience while I’m scrubbing a toilet isn’t appealing.

When I finish, he’s sitting on the edge of his bed frantically hitting buttons on his game controller.

He looks kind of like Sophia when she concentrates, with the way the tip of his tongue moves in the corner of his mouth.

“Oh, hey.” Shifting his headphones off of his ears, he gives me the toothy grin. “Thanks for doing that. Did, um, you wanna play?” Sawyer holds out a second joystick hopefully.

“Sorry, they aren’t really my thing.” I feel a little bad. The flash of disappointment he struggles to hide tells me he put a lot of weight into the offer.

“Gotcha.” He scratches the thin wisps on his chin before he looks away and tosses the spare controller on the table in front of him.

“I appreciate the offer. I have to get dinner started.” My bucket bounces off of his dresser as I leave.

I think I hurt his feelings. How do I have that conversation?

Maybe another day. For now, I need to round up food for tonight.

A package of pork chops and another big salad makes for an easy meal.

“These are amazing.” Sophia chews on a bit stuck to the bone like Caesar with his beef knuckle.

“I found the recipe on one of those really long blog sites.” I wave a cherry tomato on the end of my fork. “Why does it take twelve pages to say ‘put in pan and season’?”

She giggles and drops the bare rib on her plate. “I saw a post once saying that a serial killer could be admitting to all of their crimes in one of those, but no one would ever know because they never get read.”

I tilt my head and laugh so hard my belly hurts.

It’s cut short when the door opens and Mason sticks his head in.

His stubbled cheek pulls in a lopsided smile. “You girls sound like you’re having fun, so I won’t interrupt.”

A wave of heat races across my body when his honey-colored eyes land on me. “Dinner is perfect, thank you.”

Did he just wink at me?

No.

Maybe?

He disappears before I have a chance to double take.

How can I be queasy in a good way?

“Sorting must have gone well.” Sophia takes a long drink from her water bottle.

I’m still staring at the handle, half-hoping he comes back in.

“Why do you say that?” I chew half-heartedly.

Did he really think the food is okay? Do I need to try harder?

Two courses isn’t much. Meat and salad gets boring.

I might have to try making biscuits.

“He never smiles after a day at the chutes. It’s hard work.” She leans back against her pillows and uses her hands to shift her injured leg. “We’ve been short-handed. And, with the losses, I know he’s stressed.”

The strain of the movement looks like it’s wiped the color right out of her.

I set my plate down and help her get rearranged. “He could be happy that you’re doing better, you know?”

“Or you’re making life here easier.” She pats my hand before her eyelids fall heavily closed.

Am I really?

Picking up our dishes, I turn off the lights to her room and close the door.

The kitchen is empty as I fill the dishwasher. Mason and Sawyer look like they each got their meals and left to eat in their own spaces.

Only a wall separates me from Mason.

There’s a part of me that is contemplating knocking and asking if I’m doing my job to his expectations.

Another piece is dying to know if there’s anything I can do better.

But, why is there a nagging voice trying to claw its way out, wanting to beg him to touch me?