Page 30

Chapter thirty

Stop the world and let me off

Lorilei

My car is nearly packed. I hate every minute of this. Dragging my feet and wishing hasn’t made the days slow their constant movement.

There hasn’t been a moment I’ve dreaded more than this.

Leaving.

I told Mason last night I just needed some time to process, I knew I’d lay in bed crying against him if I went to his room.

It must have been midnight when he crawled in next to me.

I’m glad he did.

Numbness dulls the tingle of sadness that works its way through me as I snuggle tighter into his body.

If I don’t open my eyes to the morning sun, it won’t exist.

The reality of what it brings hurts too much to want to face.

As if reading my thoughts, his muscular arm tightens around my waist and pulls me closer while his lips find the nape of my neck.

He hasn’t begged me to stay, but he did offer it as an option.

One that is looking better and better because I’m terrified of the alternative.

What if I never see him again? Is it worth this illusion that I’m trying to keep up?

My heart beats faster and I find myself fighting down tears again.

“It’s okay,” he whispers against my ear. “When you get to my age, you learn to be patient. You’ll be back.”

How did he know that the panic racing through me is that very doubt?

His reassurance levels my breathing, but not by much.

I’ve seen too many times with my mother, her absolute obsession with a man that disappears the moment he is out of sight. Before her bed is cold, she’s off and running to chase the next.

It’s agony to think that Mason might do the same to me.

There’s a light knock on the door that makes us both sit up with a frantic jerk.

“Lori?” Sophia’s voice softly drifts in.

Mason’s eyes are wide, but he rushes to slide over the far side of the bed.

And…I’m naked.

“Just a sec!” I yell, scrambling for my tank top.

Where the heck are my shorts?

I’m just pulling them over my hips and reaching for the knob when I see Mason’s head drop behind the mattress after a quick wink.

My pulse races with a furtive glance around the room.

I don’t see his clothes or boots, hopefully they’re where he can reach them.

We’ve managed to not get caught for weeks, I hope this isn’t how.

“Hey, good morning!” I greet her breathlessly.

Please don’t look behind me.

“I’m sorry, I just wanted to hang as much as I could before you leave.” Her blue eyes are shiny with tears as she leans on her cane.

She’s up early. How am I going to get Mason out of here without him getting caught?

Reaching out, I make sure to raise my arm and exaggerate my own smell. “Whew. Let me jump in the shower real quick? I can make us some breakfast. I still have to wash all of my bedding, so you aren’t rid of me quite yet.” I give her a broad smile, then cover my mouth, waving my fingers in front of it. “Morning breath.” Wrinkling my nose, I take a half step back into the room.

“Oh, yea. Okay. I was going to try walking out to see Misty since she’s in the front paddock anyways.” She stands a little taller and nods.

“Did you want me to go with you?” I still feel like it’s my job to watch over her.

She waves her hand idly. “No, no. I got it. It’s good for me. Besides, I need to do this.”

“Kinda like a graduation?” I know it’s more the principle than the act.

“Exactly.” Her teeth flash in a grin before she turns away.

The thump of her cane fades as I close the door.

My forehead touches the cool wood. That was close.

Sprawling across the bed, I poke my head over the far side to surprise Mason, but he’s not there.

“Psst!” I whisper.

Did he somehow get out the window?

A hot palm lands on the back of my knee, and I can feel his mouth close over the cheek of my ass in a gentle nip.

I nearly squeal, but bury my face against the comforter as he crawls up my body to cover me.

He’s hard, and it nestles between my thighs when he settles his hips against me.

“Well, at least you won’t have to sneak around much longer.” His words are low to my ear. “But, she’s going to have to compete with me in trying to spend today with you.”

“Would you—“ I’m not sure if I should ask. Chewing on my lower lip, I let him flip me over so he can look me in the eyes. “—would you ever consider coming to Missoula?” My class schedule is so hectic, I’ve tried to find gaps where I could sneak down, but my internship is taking up all of my free time.

His thumbs frame my jaw as he tilts my face.

“Baby, I’d open every gate and turn every cow loose if it meant I could spend time up there with you.” With a soft kiss, he wipes one of my escaped tears from my cheek.

My forehead must be furrowing, because the creases next to his eyes deepen as he stares at it.

“That isn’t what I want. They’re your livelihood.”

He shrugs and his mouth thins. “Ranch is paid for. I ain’t stupid with my money. Everything out there is to keep my guys and their families fed. And, well, to keep my brother happy it’s making profits. My kids are taken care of. And, so are you.” The corner of his mouth turns up. “So, yea, I can make it to Missoula.”

I’m not sure why the relief floods so heavily through me. The worry still sits like a weight on my chest, but for the moment I can pretend we’ll last past this.

It’s like we’ve both been careful to talk about the future. What does it hold?

Would I believe him?

These damn tears keep trying to escape. So, with a sniffle, I roll out from under him, knowing I won’t have long to get him safely out of my room.

Peering into the empty hall, I motion him to leave.

Watching him dance towards the far wing, his boxer-briefs hugging his tight ass, a flutter of desire is tempting me to call him back.

His door closes, hidden from Sophia’s eyes.

So close.

Should I tell her? The secret has been a tantalizing thrill, always so close to being caught.

But, that tiny nagging voice of doubt has held me back.

Maybe it’s just better she doesn’t know. I’m going to be gone for months. There’s this hesitation in me that this might be the last time I see him anyways.

Why ruin my friendship, too?

It doesn’t take long to shower and pack the last of my toiletries. All of my clothes are in my car already.

Peeling my sheets off the bed, I nearly run into Mason in the hall.

“Fancy meeting you here,” he drawls with a smirk turning up one side of his freshly shaved mouth.

The sleeves on his shirt are folded up over his veiny forearms, and the collar is splayed open just enough to show off the hint of dark curls on his chest.

I’m going to miss his sexy ass.

“I bet you say that to all the girls.” I flip my braided hair back and turn as a stab of pain goes through me.

I don’t want him to flirt with other women.

A pang of jealousy has me biting my lip.

Fucking tears. They make me so angry that they keep trying to fight through.

Why can’t he be mine?

Because I’m leaving him. And, I’m too dang scared to ask for more.

“No.” He follows me into the laundry room and pushes the door closed behind him. “I don’t.”

Like he can feel my emotions, he wraps his arms around my waist while I dump the bedding into the washing machine.

“You should go,” I choke out. “It’ll be easier if we just say ‘goodbye’ now.”

Closing the lid to the washer, my hands brace on the edge.

I can’t look at him, it hurts too much.

Before I know it, I’m spinning in his grasp and he’s lifting me up onto the filling machine.

He nudges his way between my knees, and cups my face. “I don’t want to.”

The vision of him blurs and I tilt my head to blink at the paneled ceiling.

“It’s how it needs to be.” My voice cracks.

This hurts so damn much.

His jaw clenches as he tilts my chin down. “Lori, I-I,” he stutters before gritting his teeth and leaning in to touch my lips with his.

“What the fuck?” Sophia screeches from the open doorway.

My stomach drops like a rock as Mason stumbles backwards.

We both freeze.

“Are you serious right now?” Sophia’s eyes are blue saucers as her shoulders bounce off the far wall of the hallway.

“Soph—“ Mason holds up his hand, but her head shakes rapidly from side to side.

“You’re disgusting! How could you do this?” Her brows furrow and she turns, moving as quickly as she can away from us.

“Wait! Sophia, please!” I jump down from the washer and try to follow her, but she darts into her room and slams the door in my face.

“Leave me the hell alone!” Her high pitched cry echoes into me.

No! This isn’t how I wanted this to go.

The tears I’ve been fighting pour down my cheeks to a salty burn on my lips.

My heart feels like it’s being squeezed in my chest.

A knot forms in my stomach at the reality of her dismissal.

There’s a thud, and then a second as something bounces off of the back of her door.

“I’ll talk to her.” Mason’s warm palm touches my arm, but the bitter ache inside me makes me tug away from him.

I did this.

I’ve ruined everything.

“I have to go.” A sob lodges like a rock in my throat. My eyes burn as I run through the living room.

Caesar’s head pops up, but I don’t stop.

“Hey, off so fast?” Sawyer’s hands raise as I rush past him. “Is everything okay?” he calls after me.

I bite my lip and shake my head before jumping behind the wheel of my car.

It’s agony as I whip it in reverse, then pull out of the parking area.

Ford sits on his motorcycle near his trailer as I speed by, then pulls in behind.

Sophia was my only friend. She hates me.

The look on her face. I knew it was going to happen, and I did it anyway.

What the hell is wrong with me?

Ford turns off somewhere a few miles from the ranch.

It doesn’t matter.

I’ll never see him again.

Any of them.