Page 30

THIRTY

A LANGUAGE ALL OUR OWN

Theo

My steps were heavy on the wooden stairs. Each foot felt like it weighed a hundred pounds as I walked closer toward the unknown.

Ryder had somehow forgiven me for sneaking around with Natalie behind his back, and I had full confidence we’d get back to how we were before.

It would just take a little time. And I’d wait for however long.

But I had no idea where Natalie’s head was. The kiss she gave me wasn’t very telling.

I could’ve asked Ryder how their conversation went, but it was something I wanted to hear from her. Her son being my best friend was only one of the many obstacles we’d have to overcome if we wanted anything…more.

Our age difference hadn’t been an issue, but it also wasn’t something we could ignore, and my mother would undoubtedly show up again. Although, after the day before, my motivation to rid my mom of my life completely had been renewed.

I paused at the top of the stairs and inhaled a deep, grounding breath. It didn’t work, but it was worth a try.

Her bedroom door was closed at the end of the hall, and I wondered if I should knock. I hadn’t knocked in months, her room essentially becoming our shared space.

I imagined her wearing a groove into her bedroom floor, pacing endlessly, and preparing what she’d say when I finally came in. Her lower lip caught between her teeth, and fidgeting with the hem of her T-shirt.

That was what I was considering when I started down the hallway and immediately stopped.

My bedroom door was ajar. From inside, hazy sunlight peeked from between the curtains around the window and reflected on the floor in the dim hallway. My eyes followed the stream of light upward until I saw her.

My heart faltered.

She was seated in the middle of my bed. One of my pillows in her lap, she stared straight ahead, perfectly posed in that ray of light.

The entire scene was eerily familiar. For a second, I reminisced about the first time I found her on my bed. I remembered the white dress, her flushed cheeks, her sweet yet confident demand for “more. ” I could only be so lucky to have her that way again. To hear those words from those perfect lips one more time.

My heart rate skyrocketed, and I couldn’t wait another second. She was there, waiting for me, and hope bloomed in my chest.

I pushed the door open, and she startled when it quietly hit the wall. Her eyes went wide for a moment before she realized it was me. And the surprise was replaced by a soft, welcoming smile.

Stepping farther into the room, I shoved my hands in my pockets. They tingled with the need to touch her and remind her of the many reasons why we were so good together. Although it went against every base instinct, I knew we had to talk first.

Patience, where she was concerned, was not my fucking virtue.

“This might be the sweetest, best déjà vu I’ve ever experienced.” Somehow my voice was steady, although my insides were in turmoil. And her responding smile did more to settle me than I realized it could.

“Just without the towel this time,” she said, subtly squeezing the pillow tighter to her chest. I stopped at the end of the bed.

Silence stretched between us. And the air swirling around us was heavy with all the words we wanted to say. But I didn’t feel the weight of them. I was too busy looking at her to pay them any attention. Because in her eyes and in the open, hopeful expression settling on her features, I knew how this would end. Those words were just noise.

“Did Ryder leave? I heard the door and thought maybe…” Her words were faint and cautious as she broke the silence.

I easily read between the lines: she’d thought I’d left.

“Yeah, he said he’ll be back in a few hours. He wanted to give us some time.”

“So, you talked?” She sat up straighter, moving the pillow out of her lap and recrossing her legs.

I nodded. “And so did you.”

Fuck , I didn’t know how to start the conversation. Similar to what I experienced when talking to Ryder, I couldn’t form the chaotic storm of thoughts and feelings into cohesive ideas. But with Natalie, it was worse. Those emotions were tenfold. They were big and daunting, as were the consequences if I didn’t get it just right.

“Theo,” Natalie said, drawing me from the mess in my head. She scooted to the side and patted the spot to her left.

I didn’t hesitate when I rounded the bed and sat down next to her. She turned to face me and placed her hands in her lap.

Yes, that was better, but it was also worse. Things made more sense when she was near. When I could feel her and smell her and touch her if I wanted to. All the thoughts in my head quieted except for one. The only one that mattered.

Well, that one thought and the million of others that demanded I pin her to the bed and claim her. Mark her until she was covered in me, and there was no way she’d ever be able to scrub me off.

I leaned back against the headboard and settled deeper, letting her calming presence wash over me. It filled all the cracks and smoothed the worn, ragged edges.

“What did your text say?” she asked, taking my hand in hers and dragging her nails down my palm. “He said that whatever you sent him helped him come to terms with…this.”

A shiver worked its way down my spine at her careful touch and cautious words. I contemplated if I should tell her everything, knowing I couldn’t predict her reaction, but I wouldn’t censor myself. It was all important, and she deserved to know.

“I told him everything.”

Her dark brows shot up her forehead, and she gaped at my admission.

But I continued quickly, “Well, within reason.”

She settled with a nod and continued tracing patterns on my palm.

“I told him about how I fought it. How we both fought it, but it was useless. We both knew it was useless after the first time. I told him how far gone I was since I first saw you in the kitchen. There was never any other ending. You were always going to be mine.”

I took a breath, readying myself for the next part and bracing for her reaction. Her blue eyes were too much to bear, and I instead studied the movements of her hand and the contradiction of her small, unmarred fingers to my large, tattooed ones.

“I told him that I’d leave. For good.”

She sucked in a sharp breath, and her fingers suddenly stopped. I could feel her preparing to pull away, but I gripped her hand. It was enough to keep her in place for the moment, and I hurried to finish before she could pry herself out of my hold.

“When I saw how much it hurt you when he walked away, I would’ve left if it meant you never experienced that again. I told him that if he couldn’t find it in himself to forgive you with me in the picture, then I’d stay away. I told him that I’d give anything to protect your happiness and joy because you let me experience it for at least a few months. You reminded me what life could feel like, what home is supposed to feel like. And that would’ve been enough, it had to be enough, if he wanted me gone.”

My voice broke on the last word, and Natalie shifted next to me. She swung her leg over my lap and straddled my thighs, settling on top of me. Her warm hands gripped my cheeks, and she forced me to look up at her. Her eyes, brimming with unshed tears, bounced between mine as her thumbs caressed my skin. She felt so good on top of me, even closer than before. She disintegrated all my walls with one look.

A tear finally fell, and I reached up, brushing it away.

“You know I love it when you cry for me, but not like this,” I said, trying to distill the heaviness with any sort of levity.

It did the trick, and she chuckled. But her laughter turned into a sigh that held all the uncertainty lingering between us.

My arms wrapped around her, one fitting around her waist and forcing her closer to me while the other traveled up her back, clasping around her nape. She willingly fell into me and circled her own arms around my neck. In return, I buried my nose against her neck and breathed in her intoxicating scent.

I never wanted to leave her. Ever since she walked into my life, I couldn’t imagine a scenario where she wasn’t in it, where she wasn’t the center of it.

I wanted to be closer. I wanted to feel her everywhere, and I wanted to start again.

Putting it all behind us, I wanted to shed the secretive, forbidden life we’d led for the past few months. And I wanted to love her out in the open.

It felt odd to think those words when I hadn’t said them out loud yet, but I could feel them. They were as physical and real as Natalie was on top of me.

We must have both had the same thought, because Natalie released me and ran her hands down my chest until her fingers settled over my belt. Her eyes were drowning in desire, lust flaring live and real within her blue irises. Reflexively, my hands grasped her hips, so supple and pliant under my palms. We could talk and talk and talk about the past and the future, but being together, moving as one, and deriving pleasure from the other, that was the language we both spoke fluently. The one that weeded out all the noise and filled in all the gaps where those words couldn’t.

Over her hips, her hands covered mine. She tangled our fingers and lifted until my arms were stretched out above my head. A wicked little smile crossed her lips, and she slowly let go.

“Hold onto the headboard. Don’t move until I say.” Her voice was lilted with a devious intent, and although I didn’t usually like to sit back and watch, I loved seeing her like that. The power dynamic shifted for the moment, and I went along with whatever she had planned.

I gripped the headboard like it was my lifeline and nodded. I would have done anything if it meant she kept going.

Knowing I was game, Natalie deftly undid my belt and unbuttoned my jeans. She curled her fingers under my waistband and pulled my jeans along with my briefs down, only far enough for my cock to spring free.

She palmed me and pumped once, letting her thumb circle the head and collect the pearl of precum that leaked from the slit. My hips jerked up into her waiting hand, and a deep groan vibrated through my chest and clawed up my throat.

She made a pleased little hmm sound in response. I needed to taste that sound. I leaned forward, eagerly seeking her mouth, but all I found was one of her slim fingers pressed against my lips.

A new groan, one of frustration, rumbled through me. She pressed harder with her finger when I surged forward again. The headboard creaked as it moved with me, and I momentarily considered letting go.

But I managed to maintain a little bit of control as she stood on the bed and stepped out of her flimsy sleep shorts. For the briefest moment, her pussy was directly in front of my face, level with my mouth that watered at the sight. Just the memory of her taste made me leak more arousal and throb with need. Her plump lower lips were taunting me, begging me to run my tongue along her slit and lick until she was panting for me to do dirty, indecent things to her body.

She slipped back down onto her knees and poised my cock at her entrance. Wrapping her other hand around my neck, she held my stare while she began to lower herself onto me. My attention bounced between her tumultuous look and where the flared edge of my crown breached her entrance.

She wasn’t nearly as wet as I liked her to be when I slid inside for the first time, but if I knew Natalie at all, I was sure my little slut was enjoying the pain. Her eagerness to get me inside her matched my own. We were feral for it, and nothing would stand in the way.

Inch by agonizing inch, she slowly slipped over me. Her warm cunt stretching to accommodate my size, I gritted my teeth to keep from pushing up into her.

Her pupils had dilated to twice their size, and each of her panted breaths tickled my skin by the time her skin was flush with mine.

“Fuck ,” I groaned, willing my eyes not to close so I could watch the pleasure play out over her face. Natalie did the same, sucking in a quick gasp and then moaning. It was a throaty and desperate sound that made my entire body ignite with pulsing need.

“I need to touch you,” I ground out before she even had the chance to move.

She choked out a breathy laugh. We moaned in unison as her cunt constricted around me. She was driving me mad, and the pleasure was making me delirious, because suddenly I was begging, “Please.”

With both hands running through my hair at the base of my neck, Natalie sat back and ground down over me. My tip prodded her cervix, and I growled.

My heart was chanting a foreign beat, a warrior’s call: claim, possess, consume. Natalie riding me with careless abandon, touching me everywhere, and taking her fill while driving me fucking wild.

“Say it again,” she instructed.

“ Please, let me touch you,” I said without hesitation. Although it was more of a growl than a plea, she didn’t care. I was going to break the fucking headboard with the way my hands grasped it.

Her hips began a taunting rhythm as she fucked herself over me, ignoring my pleas and prioritizing her pleasure. I wanted that, too. I wanted to help her get there the way only I knew how.

She stared down between us where my cock disappeared inside of her and picked up speed. With the new flush to her skin and panted breaths, with the way she clawed at my neck and grew louder with each movement of her hips, I knew she was falling headfirst into the abyss.

“Yes,” she hissed, and with that one word, I let go of the headboard, more than ready to be done with the game that tested the very foundation of my restraint and control.

The bed creaked when I released it, and then my hands were everywhere. I ripped off my shirt and then her own, palming her breasts. Rubbing her nipples with my thumbs until they were hard, little points, I wrapped my arms around her.

With a gasp, she sat forward until every part of her warm, naked body touched mine. My hands traveled up and down her back, grabbing at her hips and gently spanking her ass to feel the recoil and urge her to continue moving over me.

Even if I could touch her everywhere, all at once, it still wouldn’t be enough. She held me hostage with every jerk of her hips, every whispered word, every pleading look. And it was only in her that I found any sort of freedom.

Her smooth cheek pressed against my stubbled one, and she groaned in my ear as I pumped deep inside of her. With each thrust, I drew the prettiest sounds from her parted lips. I slowed slightly, making sure each stroke was intentional and thorough, grazing every inch of her swollen cunt.

It was intoxicating and liable to make me crazy the way her body responded to me. She grew more and more wet, slipping over my length with ease.

Suddenly, she sat back, her eyes wide and desperate-looking.

“I feel you…everywhere,” she breathed, punctuating the statement with a gasp.

She slammed her hips down, and I sealed my mouth to hers. And if I wasn’t already fully gone before, that kiss was my ultimate undoing. She willingly parted her lips, and my tongue dove inside her mouth, tasting all of her and devouring every sound she made. I held her in place with a hand around her throat and an arm wrapped tightly around her waist.

“Natalie,” I whispered against her mouth. I was so bombarded by emotions that for the first time with her, I was beyond words. All I could think was, “Natalie.”

It was good before, but it was even better now. I didn’t think it was possible, but every sensation was magnified by the intimacy of the moment. We were just fucking before, the feelings simmering between us hidden behind a thick haze of smoke to try to ward them off. But now, with those feelings out in the open, shining bright in her eyes and zapping into my skin with every brush of her fingers, it was better.

It was everything.

Sex had always been good. I’d always loved sex. But nothing would ever compare to this.

The mesmerizing woman in my lap rode me hard, meeting every one of my thrusts with a quick snap of her hips. And every second that passed, she burrowed herself deeper and deeper into me. Until I couldn’t breathe without feeling her.

“Stay.” Her breath tickled my wet, parted lips as she whispered against them. Her voice was so quiet I barely heard the word. “I know there’s so much more to talk about, but I want you, Theo. I want you to stay.”

She whispered it a second time, and my eyes slid open. I sucked in a sharp breath as her hips slowed and methodically rolled over my cock. She was intoxicating, and I felt both drunk and high on her. The heady smell of sex surrounding us and untapped desire pulsing through my veins, she bumped her nose with mine and ghosted her tongue over my lower lip.

“Stay.”

“Yes,” I said with conviction.

“Stay.” She kissed me, and I tightened my hold around her. She continued whispering the word, “ Stay, stay, stay,” like a plea against my lips, a prayer she was willing to be answered as we tumbled back into our ruthless pace.

And to her plea, I responded with a promise of my own.

“ Fuck , Natalie. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Yes,” she cried. Her cunt constricted around my length, and my guttural groans mingled with her resounding moans. We both plummeted into that blissful abyss I knew was just on the other side.

My forehead dropped to her chest, and her cheek rested on top of my head. She let out a satisfied “ mmm ” sound that vibrated through her chest. Her heart was pounding and matched the chaotic rhythm of my own.

Hands exploring exposed, sweat-slicked skin, neither of us dared to move for several minutes. I would’ve bet anything that her thoughts matched mine. The moment was too perfect to break. But there were things I needed to make sure she knew.

Settling back against the headboard, I looked at the woman who’d become my sun. Her eyes were just as hopeful and eager and open as they had been the first day I saw her. Not holding back, I let the smile tugging at my lips take over my face and the happiness bubbling in my chest well to the surface.

Only her. This feeling was exclusively Natalie.

Her own smile was bright, and when I cupped her cheeks, her hands covered mine.

“You,” I said through a shuttered breath, brushing my thumb over her bottom lip like I could feel her joy. “You are everything I didn’t know I wanted and everything I wished I could be good enough for.”

Her mouth slid open to argue, but I stopped her with a quick shake of my head.

“You make me feel good enough,” I said softly. “You make me want things I never imagined for myself, and like hell am I giving that up. I want to make you come so fucking hard you forget your name. I want to wake up beside you every morning and plan the future. Our future. I want to be the one to put that smile on your face.”

She sighed and kissed me. “You are not disposable, Theo,” she murmured against my lips, and I drew back. She placed one hand on my chest and the other against my cheek, brushing her thumb back and forth against the thick stubble. “You leaving wouldn’t make our lives easier or better. Life would be worse without you. I don’t want you to go…anywhere.”

Her voice broke over the last word, and I held her closer. I kissed away the quiver in her bottom lip and brushed my nose against hers. Her smile widened like I hoped it would, lighting up her entire face the way I loved.

“Baby girl, you are everything to me. You’ve given me somewhere I want to stay.”