Page 31

CHAPTER 31 EVIE

Stillness brought her surroundings into focus: the hum of the fridge, the wool throw blanket tickling her thighs, the closeness—the heat —of his body. Ever since the Coffee House incident—though maybe that word was too serious—she tried to dismiss the idea of Viet being interested in her like that. But sometimes her eyes searched for Viet, and she’d notice him looking right back at her. Which made her wonder.

Jake’s bold request of her occupied a smaller spot in her mind; she thought he would realize his ridiculous behavior and just leave it at that. Surely there were other plans to survive an awkward family dinner that didn’t involve an ex-girlfriend. Soon, tomorrow, she should just text him and say to leave her out of it.

Lis was curled up at the other end of the sofa, fixated on the Criminal Minds episode they were streaming. Evie stole a glance at Viet’s profile. As expected, he was laser-focused on the show. He’d come from his dorm after a shower, so his damp hair glistened under the common room’s light. A white T-shirt peeked out underneath his mustard-yellow hoodie—a perfect picture of cozy vibes.

She averted her eyes. Her cheeks warmed. Viet was mysterious in his own way, though he’d begun to open up to her about his worries. He’d cried in front of her. They talked about everything from silly to serious. They even “flirted,” but she ended up panicking and denying it. He might have a crush on her, but what if it was just that—a momentary crush?

She jolted when someone touched her hand. The lights were off now. The TV glowed, showing another Criminal Minds episode, and from that faint light, Evie noticed that a throw pillow sat where Lis had been, and to her right, still in the same spot, was Viet.

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you awake,” Viet whispered. “I said your name, but you didn’t answer.”

“Oh.” She laughed nervously. “I didn’t think I’d fall asleep so quickly.” Her neck was warm; the blanket covering her legs was now up to her chin. Did Viet tuck her in?

“No worries. I was asleep too.” He scratched the back of his neck. “When I woke up, Lis was gone….”

“Strange that she didn’t wake us up.”

He seemed to struggle with his next words: “Part of me thinks she did it on purpose.”

Evie froze; her earlier thoughts came flooding in. “What… what do you mean?”

“Hold on.” He got up to turn on the light and turn off the television. He sat back down and put some more space between them. “Evie, remember when we were getting coffee and I pretended to be your boyfriend? Right after, I asked if you were okay with guys coming up to you, but you said it wasn’t going to happen anytime soon. And then you mentioned Jake. Did he… say something to you before the break?”

She didn’t think he was paying that close attention. Whatever he wanted to say to her, it seemed important that he heard her speak first.

“I told him I felt we were drifting apart. And even when we were together, it was like his mind was on other things. Or he just dismisses me like I’m nothing.” She inhaled. “And toward the end of our talk, he said I was being needy.”

“Needy.”

She hugged a pillow to herself. “It bothered me in the moment, but I guess I locked it away in my mind until recently. The memory of those words has been coming out. All my life, I didn’t want to be needy; I didn’t want to cause trouble for my parents or for anyone around me. But what if I was being needy without knowing—”

Viet’s next words batted away her doubts. “Being needy is selfish. And that’s not you, Evie. Everything that you do, you don’t do it out of need. You didn’t step in during the qualifiers because you needed Lis’s gratitude; you did it because you were worried your best friend would lose a battle she was meant to win. You didn’t volunteer for the clinic because you need to be praised for being a good person. You do it because you care about others’ well-being.

“So, no, Evie. You are never needy. If anything, you should be needier. If I were your boyfriend, I’d tell you that every day. And I’d give you anything you truly needed.”

All air evaporated from the room. Evie and Viet stilled as the boy’s words hovered between them. His eyes were wide, incredulous at his impromptu confession. Her eyes must have looked similar; she didn’t expect any of this when they first planned a TV night.

“If you were… Viet, do you mean…?”

“Oh god.” Regret stole away the color from his face. “I—” Evie sensed his panic immediately; she wanted to calm him, but she also wanted him to speak.

She reached for his hand. “Viet, please tell me what you want to say. I’m here. I’m listening.”

“You know I’m not the best with words. It’s hard to talk about how I’m feeling.” He inhaled. “I like you. I think I’ve liked you for a while. At first I thought it was because we’re from the same place and we know the same people. Then I thought it was because I was glad that you let me be friends with you and the others. And you’ve also helped me whenever I’ve felt down. But it’s not just being grateful—even though I am that.

“I know I like you because I think about you more often than anyone else in my entire life. I like you because every time you come back, smiling from your time at the clinic, I just want to hug you, and I can’t help but feel so goddamn proud of you. I like running with you and just forgetting about everything. I like you because you’re strong and you care so much about others. Which makes me want to care for you twice as much so that you never put yourself second.”

Tears welled up in her eyes. She felt the weight of Jake’s dig being chipped away by each of Viet’s unabashedly kind compliments.

“That’s why—I mean, what I was getting at is—” He exhaled.

“Viet…” He stared down at his hands clasped tightly on his lap, so tightly that his fingers turned white. It took courage to do this—courage that he might not have had before.

“Thank you for telling me,” she said, and that’s when Viet looked up. “You still told me even though I know it’s hard to admit something so personal.” She was glad he was letting her speak at her own pace, trying to slot in the right words to answer him. “How long have you had feelings for me? Recently… or before… when I was still with Jake?”

“Before.” He nodded, looking down at his clasped hands. “Sorry if telling you all this makes you uncomfortable.”

Her heart twisted. “You didn’t, Viet. I’m not uncomfortable.” Never uncomfortable. She couldn’t think of one moment where being around him led to any discomfort. Even now, she wasn’t exactly uneasy. Her heart was racing, and she could barely look at him directly, but what she was feeling wasn’t discomfort. No, sitting at the pit of her stomach was fear of the future, like a hand holding the back of her shirt, keeping her in place. He was her friend, her good friend—someone who was always there , but her own feelings certainly went beyond that…. But what if things went wrong and they grew apart, like what happened with her and Jake? What if they became strangers? Could she manage to live with that? If she said no, Viet wouldn’t get mad at her uncertainty—he wasn’t like that. He always encouraged her to think about herself. She could say no, and that would be all right.

But her eyes landed on his hands.

They were trembling.

He was laying his heart out, and there was she, busy balancing hypotheticals in her head. Thinking instead of feeling. Her heart already knew Viet had carved a part inside her when she didn’t need it. When she didn’t even know. That was why she almost said yes when he asked her to leave the party early; why she couldn’t wait to check on him over the break; why their runs were her favorite part of her week… She would lose so much more if she said no. His kindness, his understated humor, his steady presence. His devotion that asked nothing of her. And now she wanted him to stay—in her world, in her thoughts, in her heart, because it felt right for him to be there.

“I like you too,” she whispered. Then, in a louder, stronger voice, she said once again, “I really, really like you.”

Viet groaned and covered his face with his hands.

“Viet?” Evie shifted closer to him to touch his shoulder.

“Sorry.” He removed his hands and smiled. “It’s just—you looked very cute just now.” He laughed. Embarrassed too, she buried her head into his firm shoulder, and would have stayed there if not for his hand gently tilting her head toward him.

As if he’d done this a dozen times, Viet met her lips with his. She relaxed against him, losing all feeling, except for the tingling that seemed to spread to her limbs. Behind her closed eyes was a dazzling blur of rings and stars; light that was joy. Ecstasy. It chased away her previous thoughts and anxieties, and all she wanted was to keep her hands in his hair and stay there.