Page 22

CHAPTER 22 EVIE

Evie made her decision. She didn’t need to say it to Lis, who, for once, was up before her that morning. Lis was leaving campus a day earlier than her and probably had some packing to do, and that had never been Lis’s strong suit. When Evie finished showering, there was a toasted bagel waiting for her on the counter.

They both ate breakfast without chatting. On any given day, she would chock Lis’s silence to being a late riser. Today was different, though. Before Evie could fully step out of their apartment, she felt Lis’s arms around her, heard her gently wishing her a good break and—

“There will be ice cream in the freezer. Just so you know.”

A wave of gratitude swept through her, and Evie was reluctant to leave her best friend’s embrace.

They planned to meet at the Coffee House in Memorial Union. Once Evie arrived and spotted Jake waving her over, she paused. It was crowded, but the noise wasn’t yet deafening. It would be soon, once the rest of the student body woke up from last night’s partying. She wanted to turn around and leave. She never wanted to be that couple —the couple whose whispered fights in public became everyone’s entertainment. They were often painfully unaware they had an audience, or that strangers were actively choosing sides as their arguments ramped up.

She made it to the table. Jake rose to kiss her, but she flinched and took a step back. After a second’s pause, Jake sat back down.

“Can we take a walk outside?” she asked quietly, holding his gaze.

For the first time, Evie felt as if he was really looking at her. It was silly, but it was true. It’d been ages since they were alone together, without obstacles like exams and assignments and friends. He was studying Evie like it was the first time he’d ever laid eyes on her.

With furrowed eyebrows, he nodded.

Evie led the way to a bench facing a small pond. Boulders bookended the bench, and she often saw birds basking in the sunlight. She sat down, tightly clutching the coffee that Jake had purchased for her, while he remained standing.

It was a beautiful morning, she realized with a stab of pain.

Jake folded his arms. “Is something happening?”

“You feel what’s coming too. I know you do.”

He laughed, but he ran his hand through his hair. A nervous habit. “Can you just spit it out, Evie. Because I’m thinking of something that’s not good. But it can ’ t be what I’m thinking—”

“I want to break up.” The words left her in a rush. Her heart pounded in her ears. Early this morning, she’d thought of all the breakup phrases she heard throughout her life, from films and shows and books. Let’s part ways. Formal, businesslike. Let’s end this. The word end felt so solemn. Sometimes people said Let’s see other people , but she didn’t want to say that. No, it wasn’t like she wanted another relationship with anyone else—

Are you offering to come along or asking just because?

Why did Viet pop up in her mind? She shook her head.

“I’ve been thinking about it for a while. I realized we barely see each other, and when we do, it’s like we can’t sync up. Like our minds are stuck on other things.” She inhaled deeply. “I’m saying all of this now because I don’t want to drag things out over the break. And I thought the time apart might make all of this hurt less.”

“Are you actually hurt? Because you don’t look hurt.” Jake’s voice was loud, the opposite of hers; he didn’t care who heard them. “Meanwhile, here I am, feeling like I’ve been stabbed multiple times.” His confusion faded only to be replaced by annoyance. Anger. At her.

“I woke up thinking we were just getting coffee, and now you’re sitting here telling me you don’t want to be with me anymore? Evie, what the hell?” Jake grabbed her by the shoulders. “Are you still thinking about what I said the other night to Lis and that first-year? I didn’t mean anything by it. It was dumb of me, but I’m only human.”

Evie shifted away from his tight hold. “A lot of things happened the other night.”

Jake blinked in realization. “You found out where I was during that forensics event, didn’t you?” He laughed bitterly. “I saw you talking to Kerem. Knew he’d spill it. Yes, me and him were hungover and we went out for breakfast instead of going to your little competition.”

Evie paused. “Wait, what?” She looked up at Jake, confused. She did talk to Jake’s roommate, but he didn’t reveal any of that. His anger faded into brief embarrassment, having realized that he was the one who just now gave them away. “Wow. You could have just told me you couldn’t make it, but instead—” She closed her eyes. “You lied.”

“I showed up later, though! And we celebrated! It was a good night.”

“Only because the party was in your plans anyway. One you never even told me about.”

Jake pressed his lips together. “I don’t see why you’re making such a big deal out of this.”

Evie studied her hands, which were wrapped tight around her coffee. No one could read minds, so she should have said more about what she wanted. She saw Jake’s point. But as her boyfriend, shouldn’t he be naturally interested? Shouldn’t he ask about her day anyway? Shouldn’t he see how many times he’d brushed her off just because he had his own plans to take care of?

“It was something that mattered to me,” Evie said softly. She forced more strength into her voice. “The clinic, especially the clinic. I was happy that I got accepted. You were the first person I told. But when I did—” She swallowed hard. “I wanted to show you how happy I was.”

“So all of this happens and you wait until now to tell me this. What were you doing before—building a case against me? Making me seem like the bad person?”

She shouldn’t have let all this fester for so long, because from the outside, maybe she was the one being overly harsh—

Then, out of nowhere, Viet’s concerned look entered her mind, his words telling her she should put herself first.

“Evie, you don’t get it,” Jake said. “You don’t understand how busy it is for me. How there’s so much on my mind. I’m sorry that you feel that I wasn’t paying enough attention to you.” He’d adopted a sickeningly sweet tone. “ Oh, you were annoyed because I didn’t go all-out congratulating you? That I didn’t drop everything on my schedule for you?” He switched back to his normal voice. “You know I’m busy. You know I got shit to do. My parents are up my ass every day. So maybe I don’t have time to constantly make you feel good about yourself.”

Throughout their relationship, and in his interactions with her friends, she somehow missed the signs of its deterioration. It was in the way he never wanted to eat at her favorite restaurants and always ended up going to his. But there were so many other signs. They were in the way he’d complain about his family to her, wanting her to echo his thoughts, wanting to be comforted by her. It was in the way he almost resented Lis, Kale, and Tate’s closeness and their antics—“They’re something, all right.” He’d said that when they had the picnic together.

It wasn’t worth pointing out how he tried to use his father’s name to get through the program. Even if she could say it, their conversation didn’t need another bomb.

She wasn’t blind to his mistakes, was silent about his callousness. Jake had listened to her, but he never seemed to take her words seriously. As if he knew she would let things go his way. Those were all signs she should have seen.

“You played a main role, while I had a supporting role, and I let myself get used to it, and I don’t like that I didn’t see it until this year. I can’t see that changing even if we were to put everything behind us and keep on dating.”

“When did you become so needy?” That tone. She heard it at the party a couple nights ago—so full of judgment. “Are you seriously going to break up with me just because I didn’t pay attention to you a couple of times?”

“Stop it,” she said with as much strength as possible. “You’re making it seem like I wanted the world of you. But all I wanted was some… recognition. That something I did is great, that you’re proud. That I was worth celebrating.”

Jake didn’t say another word, but he remained there, so he’d at least heard her. He picked up a small rock, jabbed it at the boulder, made angry white etches. Evie welcomed the silence, the reprieve from being looked at as if she’d committed the worst of crimes. Her tears started leaking out; every time she wiped them away, more came back.

She’d ended things with her first serious boyfriend. It had to be done, but still. She wished the clarity she felt this morning—after skirting around reality—could return now.

Jake finally left his boulder but kept his back to her. He smoothed out his hair. Recalibrating. Putting on his appearance—the one that everyone saw, and Evie usually saw through. Now he was just closed off.

“So, we’re done ? Like done, done ?” His voice was hard again.

Evie squeezed her coffee cup. All she had wanted was for him to see her, to listen to her. But he wasn’t going to change or admit his faults.

“Yes,” she said.

“Okay, then. It was nice knowing you. And I hope I never see you again.”

She flinched at his brisk tone, his quick dismissal. He walked away while she stared after him, her words stuck in her throat.

Evie longed for relief. To breathe easily again. To ignore how horrible Jake made her feel during their last conversation.

She hoped things would get better.