Page 12 of Smut Lovers
Present Day
A fter that month, I added another rule to my list.
Never again would I let myself fall in love with someone like Joel ever again.
For two years, I didn’t have a problem with that.
I went on about my life. I picked up the pieces and went back to college.
I took summer courses the following summer—yes, partially to avoid any more potential collateral damage.
I got my degree and began the hunt for a job in the marketing industry.
I even found myself in a relationship with someone who didn’t toy with my heart. At least not in the same way. We weren’t serious. In fact, no one even knew we were together.
Especially Joel.
We’d talked a couple of times over the years.
I never let it become anything more than small talk—which we were still horrible at.
But he respected it. I knew we were both still in love with each other.
But it wasn’t the kind that would bring us back together.
It wasn’t the type that kept me from loving Nathan either.
All was going swimmingly until Jenny called me, saying that she was getting married to her girlfriend on the Fourth of July. And as her maid of honor, there was no way I was missing it.
Jenny and I were on the phone every other day, it felt like; getting everything situated for the wedding.
One of the times, she took a deep breath, and I waited for her to say what I already knew was coming.
“I do have to tell you; Joel will be there.”
I took a deep breath. “I know.”
“You do?”
“Yeah, Joel told me.”
“Wait, he told you? Have you two been talking?”
I heard Jenny’s voice tighten and knew she was angry.
“Hey, it’s okay, alright?”
“How is it okay, Aubrey? He destroyed you over and over.”
“Joel and I destroyed each other.”
“Don’t say that. That’s not true.”
“It is.”
“So, are you getting back with him? I mean, what about your boy toy there? Aren’t you two getting serious?”
I thought about Nathan and how we hadn’t seen each other in a handful of weeks already. “No, that’s over.”
“Which part?”
“As of right now, both.”
“So, you are thinking of getting back together with Joel?”
“I don’t know, Jenny.” I sighed and fell backwards on my bed.
Jenny sighed. “That’s not what I was hoping you’d say.”
I wasn’t ready to tell Jenny that it had actually been more than just a couple of times that Joel and I had talked.
The same day he told me that he was going to be in the wedding as well—the best man, to be precise—we started messaging more and more frequently.
It was still simple talk. We didn’t dare adventure into anything about us or any other relationships. We weren’t ready for that.
But it did feel good to talk to him. It helped me remember that there were good times between us. Plenty of good times stuffed into that one month.
And sure, I was more than reminiscing. I found myself craving him again.
Soon, the texts became phone calls. And our conversations began tiptoeing past what felt harmless and safe.
“Aubrey, can I ask you a question?”
I was laying on my bed, relaxing from an incredibly long day. My phone was on speaker and laying on my chest.
“Sure.”
“Are you seeing anyone?”
Joel’s words caused me to sit straight up. The phone tumbled and I frantically grabbed it.
“I’m sorry if it was too far. You don’t have to answer that.” Joel quickly followed up.
“No, no.”
“No, you aren’t answering or no…” He trailed off.
“No.” I answered softly this time. “I’m not seeing anyone. Not anymore.”
Joel sighed and I could feel his relief flooding through.
“Can I see you before the wedding?” His tone was tight, and I knew he was terrified just asking the question.
“Honestly?”
“Yes, please.”
“Yes.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
Again, Joel sighed and somehow, I could hear happiness through his voice.
“I was hoping you’d ask.” I whispered, scared to admit it. “I was hoping you would want to see me.”
“Aubrey. I know it’s been two years. And sure, it’s plenty of time to move on, as I’m sure you have.
But, I haven’t. I thought I did. I started seeing someone at one point.
But I couldn’t get you out of my head. And I couldn’t stop regretting all the bad ways I treated you.
And how I would give anything to make it up to you. ”
“Joel, we both did and said things we shouldn’t have. And yes, I tried to move on too. But…” I trailed off.
“I still love you, Aubrey.”
I let out a huff of happiness as the tears burned my eyes. “I can’t wait to see you.”
The moment our eyes met each other, everything came rushing back like it had all just happened.
The good and the bad. But I decided to focus only on the good. Because looking at him made me realize that I wanted nothing more than to be with him.
And now, two years after it all went down, Joel was standing in front of me, smiling at me just like he did that first day. Like we were two strangers in a room full of friends.
Except, when his hand touched my face, it felt like we were never apart. And when our lips met, I felt the fireworks all over again. Except this time, it was the grand finale from the start.