Page 10 of Smut Lovers

Chapter Five

I stormed out of my room a few moments later, making my way to the kitchen. I slammed a few cabinets, unsure of what my goal was.

Maybe it was just to take my frustrations out on kitchen cabinets.

“Whoa, do I dare even ask?” Jenny’s voice was tentative.

I spun to look at her. “You were right. You were fucking right. And you know, I really tried. I did. I told myself to stay away from him. And I did. For what? Two days? Fucking pathetic. I fell into his trap. But I still swore to myself that I wasn’t going to fall for him.

I wasn’t going to expect anything from him. ”

“What happened?” Jenny came over to me and grabbed one of my hands. “Tell me so I can tell him as I kill him.”

I let out a laugh. “It’s so stupid.”

“Obviously not if you’re this worked up.”

“I asked him why he was always coming here and why we never went to his place.”

Jenny tightened.

“What? Why is that such a bad thing to ask?”

“It shouldn’t be. But, hon, none of us have been to his place. He never talks about it. To anyone. And if he has told anyone, they aren’t speaking up. We all have just assumed that he’s dealing with something that he doesn’t want to bring into our group.”

“Yeah, that much was obvious. He told me I was the last person he wanted to share anything with.”

“Fuck him!” Jenny shook her head violently.

“Agreed.”

When Joel showed up that night, asking to talk to me, I almost forced him to leave. I pushed him away from me. I told him I didn’t want to talk. But he insisted.

“Joel, you and I both know that there doesn’t need to be a discussion. There’s nothing here.”

“Then why do I feel like shit when I’m not with you? Why do I miss you every moment?”

“Because I’m a distraction from whatever is going on in your life. That’s all.”

“Let’s talk in your room.”

“Why, so you can distract me with sex?”

“No, Aubrey, so you and I can have a private conversation. Contrary to what my dumbass said last night, there are some things that I want to share with you and only you.”

I sighed but led the way to my room.

Joel shut the door behind him and gently pulled at my waist until I was facing him. He wrapped his hands around my neck and grazed his thumbs along my jawbone.

“Joel, don’t.” I pressed my hands against his chest but didn’t push him away.

I had to hear him out.

“Can I please kiss you?” I heard the desperation in his voice.

I slowly nodded.

His lips tentatively met mine, as if waiting for me to react. It wasn’t long before I melted into him, deepening our kiss and holding on to him for far too long.

I pulled back and shook my head. “Speak.”

Joel took a deep breath and wrapped his arms around me for a moment, as if he needed me close to give him the courage to speak.

And when he did, my heart broke. But for him this time.

“Life at home is nothing but a shitshow. I have to live with my parents. I pay most of the bills because my dad gambles and my mom can’t work.

She’s been on disability since getting diagnosed with a serious case of multiple sclerosis.

I pay the mortgage, electricity, and as much of her health bills as I can.

I couldn’t live on my own if I wanted because my credit is completely shit from all the credit cards I’ve had to max out.

It’s bad, Aub. It’s more than I can even get myself to say. ”

“Have you told anyone this?”

“Liz knows.”

For a moment, I was puzzled. Until I remembered a tiny tidbit of information Jenny had shared with me back on the fourth of July.

Joel is Liz’s best friend. They’ve been friends since like middle school or something.

“I’m so sorry, Joel.” I wrapped my hand around his cheek and pressed my lips to his.

I littered kisses around his cheeks as he shared a bit more with me about his painful private life.

That night, we fell asleep in each other’s embrace. Without sex.

And that made it feel all too real.