Page 34 of Sinners’ Appetite

I walk through Dean’s front door, hoping that he’s still fast asleep, but when I smell coffee, I know he’s not.

Heading into the kitchen, I look all around, expecting to see him, but the kitchen is empty.

I read the message he sent me this morning, and I don’t have it in me to discuss anything with him.

I open the fridge door and grab the container of strawberries, and when I turn back around, Dean is standing by the island with his eyes held on me.

“Morning…” I say, hoping that he’ll just keep his mouth shut.

“What the fuck was with you last night?” he asks.

“Look, Nikki doesn’t know anything about how I actually know you, and I’d like to keep it that way. At least until I’m ready to explain everything to her.”

“It’s not like we have feelings for each other, Malachi. It was one night. We were grieving.”

“That doesn’t fucking matter! We both felt something, you know it and I fucking know it!”

“Fuck. You’re overthinking this. Just fucking tell her—before I do.”

I slam the package of strawberries down onto the island in front of me. “I swear, if you fucking tell her anything, you’ll never see me again.”

Dean lets out a heavy sigh. “She deserves to know. At least tell her about Amber.”

“I don’t see why any of that matters. It’s all over and done with…”

“Is it? I think if it was, you wouldn’t be so worried about Nikki finding out.”

“So, what? I’m supposed to just tell her that a drunk driver killed my fiancée, so I tortured and killed him, then fucked her brother while I mourned her death?”

Dean shakes his head with a disdain look in his eyes. “It was that simple, hey?”

“Look, I don’t think she’s ready to hear about that part of my history. Especially after everything she’s been through lately.”

“I think it’ll upset her more if you wait to tell her.”

I let out a sarcastic half-laugh. “Like I said…if you fucking say a word about any of it, I’ll—”

Dean pushes himself away from the counter and walks up to me with a fierce look in his eyes. He pins me against the fridge door and brushes his lips against mine. “You’ll what? Disappear? That’s nothing new, Malachi.”

I shove him away from me, grab the strawberries and push past him, heading straight through the front door.

In an attempt to catch my breath, I stop when I’m around the side of house and lean against the cabin.

How in the actual fuck did I think this would be a good idea?

Maybe it’s because I thought those days were well behind me. I thought I had moved on from what happened between Dean and I.

Maybe I was fucking wrong.

I run my hands over my face and take a deep breath before heading back down to our cabin. When I open the door, I don’t see Nikki anywhere. That’s when I look out the window and see Nikki, Sammi and Jeremy down on the beach.

I can’t get rid of the nauseous feeling in my stomach. I need something—anything to distract me.

Heading back out the door, I decide to join them, mentally preparing myself to push through the agonizing adrenaline rushing through my veins.

As soon as Nikki sees me, she flashes me a smile. “Hey, baby. I was just about to come find you,” she says.

Fuck, it’s a good thing she didn’t.

“Oh? Did you miss me already?” I tease.

She opens her mouth to say something, but then stops herself.

I take a seat next to her on the sand, reaching over to place my hand on her thigh, but when I do, she abruptly stands up and shoots me a glare.

“I’m going swimming.” She reaches down to grab Sammi’s hand, pulling her along behind her.

I watch as she pulls her shirt up over her head and runs into the lake. Sammi follows closely, running her hands through the water as she walks in deeper.

“Should we join them?” Jeremy asks.

“I’m good. I think I’m going to go take a shower,” I reply, standing back up to head off toward our cabin.

Once I get inside, instead of taking a shower, I hop onto the bed and close my eyes.

This wasn’t what I had in mind. I should have fucking known better.

Dean is right. The longer I wait to tell Nikki about Amber and the whole situation surrounding her, the greater my chances are for her being upset.

I can’t risk losing her.

It would fucking kill me.

“Malachi?”

I open my eyes and smile when I see Nikki standing over me.

“Oh—I must have fell asleep…sorry, baby girl.” I sit up, stretching my arms out as I let out a groan.

“Dean made lunch for all of us,” she says, still a hint of annoyance in her tone.

“I’m not very hungry, but I’ll—” I start to say, until she cuts in.

“What the fuck is your problem? Why are you being like this?” she spits out angrily.

I sigh, bowing my head. “I’m just exhausted, that’s all, baby.”

“Bullshit,” she hisses.

“Nikki—please.”

“You haven’t touched me since last night. You’ve been so fucking distant ever since we played that game, and I think I know why.”

I keep my head held down as she continues. “I think something happened between you and Dean. Something that you both promised to never talk about again…”

Fuck.

“Nothing happened…” I murmur.

“Whatever it was, Malachi—you can talk to me.”

I lift my head and look her dead in the eyes. “Not this. You won’t understand.”

She walks over and sits down on the bed beside me, running her fingertips along the inside of my forearm. “Try me.”

“Fuck, Nikki. Just drop it, please.”

“Either you tell me, or—I can ask Dean myself.”

A rush of panic flows through me and I reach down to grab her hand. “I’d rather you didn’t. It’s in the past. It should stay that way.”

“It’s not in the past if you’re still bothered by it, Malachi.”

I don’t even know how to explain any of this to her. It’s not that I don’t think she deserves to know.

I just can’t find the words to start with.

“Tell me…” she insists.

“Fuck it.” I groan, trying to gather every bit of courage I have to explain everything as best as I can. “I had a fiancée.”

“Okay?”

“Just listen, Nikki,” I whisper. “She was Dean’s sister. A year into our engagement, a drunk driver veered into her lane when she was on her way home from work and—she was killed on impact. The driver walked away with a few scrapes and bruises.”

I look up to see a single tear roll down her cheek. “I’m so sorry, Malachi. That’s heartbreaking.”

“I found out who it was and I followed them around for a few days. He had a wife, and two kids.”

“What did you do?”

“One night, he went straight to the bar after work, so I sat in the parking lot, waiting for him to stagger back outside. When I knew the coast was clear, I whacked him in the back of the head with a metal bat and dragged him into the back seat of my car.”

“Then what?” she asks, more tears slowly running down her face.

“I brought him back to my house and chained him to a metal support beam. I tortured him, Nikki. For over a week. I didn’t mean to take it that far, I swear.”

Tears start forming in the corner of my eyes, so I take a deep breath and continue.

“The last round of torture finally killed him. That’s when I called Dean.

He was the only person I could think of that would help me dispose of his body.

Dean drove all the way to Ohio and helped me get rid of everything. ”

“Jesus, Malachi,” she breathes out.

“I’m not a monster, Nikki. I tried to stop myself, but I couldn’t. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw her mangled body lying on that damn table.”

“You’re not a monster. You did the right thing, baby. He didn’t deserve to live.”

“I decided it would be best if I went to stay with Dean for a while, you know—to clear my thoughts and get back on track. It seemed to help, for the most part.”

“Then what happened?”

“The thoughts consumed me. I drank heavily for a week straight, until Dean stopped me. He took every drop of alcohol I had left and poured it down the drain in front of me. It made me fucking furious. I hated him for it.”

She reaches over and starts to run her thumb along the back of my hand. I take another deep breath, exhaling slowly before continuing to explain. “I lost it, Nikki. I hate to think about what I would have done to him if he hadn’t…”

“Go on, baby. It’s okay,” she says, her tone easing my discomposure.

“Kissed me…” I whisper.

“Okay—now I have to hear the rest of this.” She smiles through the tears.

I really wasn’t expecting her to take it this well.