Page 64 of Sin & Fall
“Of course.”
Hand-in-hand, we head to the side of the bridge, and stop at the railing. Zack wraps his arm around my waist, and I lean against his shoulder. The wind is chilly from up here, and our lack of clothes doesn’t help, but tucked in next to Zack makes me feel warm enough.
“I should have told you sooner.” Zack’s voice is hoarse. He brings my hand to his lips, kissing it before inhaling. He’s shaking when he says, “This was always my final destination.”
He’s starting to scare me now.
“Final destination? What are you talking about? We got away with it, Zack. They’re all dead, and now we can get out of here together. The police aren’t going to find us. We’ll lay low for however long it takes.” I make sure he can hear the hope in my voice. Whatever darkness has taken hold of him won’t be around for long with me here. I’ll pull him back out of his grief every single time.
“Chloe.” The way he pulls away from me makes dread fill my heart. “I’m so sorry, darlin’. This was never meant to go this far. You were meant to stay as a bit of fun. That’s why I’ve been taking the pills. Without them, all I felt was numb. But they’ve worn off now, and that numbness hasn’t returned. Because of you. I fell for you, and I was too selfish to let you go when I should have. I told you that Kat took her own life, but I didn’t tell you how.”
My mouth goes dry as worry stirs in my stomach. I have a feeling I know how.
“When those men broke her body, they also completely shattered her mind. She was in so much pain, and I didn’t notice. I was too self-absorbed in my own life to see it. Kat jumped from here. Today is the third anniversary of her death, right from this spot.”
Zack stares down at the water below. The muscles in his jaw flex as he tries to hold in all of his pain.
“I’m so sorry, Zack, for everything you and Kat went through. But you can’t keep blaming yourself. You’ve done more than was ever expected of you. I know what it’s like to be her. It’s not easy for a person to admit to themselves what happened after going through something like that, let alone those close to them. The shame eats you up inside, and the last thing you want is for someone to view you the way you view yourself.”
I’ve had many quiet moments when I’ve wondered if I should see another day, but I always held out hope I’d have a future away from the convent.
Zack’s eyes are full of guilt. My words are going in, but they’re not having the right effect.
“I want you to take my car, and drive as far away as you can. There are some clothes and money stashed in the trunk. Use it to get yourself a new life.”
Without him.That’s what he really means. Is he going to turn himself in? Is that why he’s been so reckless? Because ultimately it didn’t matter if he got caught. No. There’s something else I’m missing.
“Baby, we’re getting out of this together. You didn’t murder those men for nothing. You didn’t avenge Kat to toss the rest of your life away. She wouldn’t want this for you.”
He pulls my forehead to his, and whispers, “I’m sorry. I let myself live this long so I could kill them. You shouldn’t have been dragged into it, but I’m so fucked up that I loved every second of forcing you to be mine. You didn’t deserve that.”
Live this long.He can’t mean…
“It’s alright. I understand now,” I say with so much desperation for him to please hear me this time. “You’ve been in so much pain, but now that those men are all gone you can find some happiness for yourself. That can be with me.”
“Chloe, if we stay together, I’ll only corrupt you more. Force you to do even more heinous shit. You don’t really want that.”
He’s right. If he wants me to do anything then I would. I’d blindly follow him to the ends of the Earth. But not because he’s forcing me. I was corrupted long before I met him. The convent, thecult, whatever it was, tried to rid me of it. Now I know why they never could, and it was Zack who made me see it.
It’s who I am.
I hung onto hope that there was a God who would guide me, and that the only way to repent for my sick mind was to get on my knees for those speaking in his name. Butthey were just fucked-up perverts using the hopes of an innocent young girl for their own sick desires.
What’s real is right in front of me.
Zack is so different from them. He’s far from a saint, and has done unspeakable things, but it was out of love. If anyone deserves forgiveness, it’s him.
And I’m going to be the one who gives him that.
“Don’t pretend that what we did together means nothing! You know I’m not afraid to kill. If that’s what it takes to stay with you, Zack, then I’ll kill every goddamn person we meet.”
He lets go of me completely, and an icy chill washes over my skin.
Tears fill his eyes, and my heart shatters.
“Zack, baby. You’re scaring me. Stop this, and get in the car.”
The wind whips my hair across my face, and he moves it gently out of the way. “In the end, all I wanted was to know that when I leave, you’ll be able to handle yourself alone. Can I be selfish and ask one last thing of you?”