Page 50 of Sin & Fall

“Once a week the priests choose who they want. It’s always one girl shared between them all. They said it was the most efficient way to get the Holy Spirit into us. Someof the girls were broken enough to believe that. A few others like me didn’t fall for it. But there’s not much one girl can do in a room with a dozen men other than accept what’s happening.”

Zack’s knuckles crack as he clenches them fiercely. I place my hand over his and run my thumb over the numbers tattooed on his knuckles.1 0 0 6. October sixth? That’s today’s date. I have a feeling that’s not a coincidence.

Seeing those numbers along with the Latin for death tattooed on his other hand makes an uneasy chill creep over my skin.

“And tonight you were chosen?”

Dropping his hand, I look around the car for anything to distract myself so I don’t break down. I pick up the small tin and flick it open. There are all sorts of different colored and sized pills inside. I tip a few onto my hand to get a closer look.

“What actually are these?”

“Chloe,” Zack warns. “Tell me what happened.” His commanding, protective tone makes me shiver in all the right ways.

“I avoided being chosen this time. One of the priests, Father Daniels, took a shine to me. He wanted me alone whenever he could. So I tried to make myself scarce a lot of the time. There were plenty of places to hide, like cupboards, and broom closets, but he and the other Fathers had plenty of time on their side to hunt me down. Tonight, I snuck outside to smoke and waited by the trees until the selection was over. But he found me.”

“Why not run?”

“You really believe I hadn’t already tried that?”

I tip the pills back into the container, leaving a pink one in the center of my palm. Zack doesn’t try to stop me as Ibring it to my mouth and place it on my tongue. I swallow it down, and it leaves an acidic aftertaste.

“You ever taken ecstasy before?” Is that concern or curiosity I hear in his tone?

“No, you’re my first.” I wink at him, but he doesn’t find it funny.

“What did Daniels do when he found you?” Zack doesn’t hide the anger in his voice.

I sigh in exasperation. “Nothing. This time. I told him no, and when he tried to force me, I hit him over the head with a rock until he died. No one will realize he’s gone until he doesn’t show up for morning sermon.” It’s surprisingly easy to admit I killed a man. There’s no lingering remorse. Just acceptance that I did what I had to do to survive. I suppose confessing to someone who’s already a killer helps.

There’s so much tension between us that the air is practically vibrating. I want to be able to crawl into Zack’s head and look at myself through his eyes. Does he still see some girl he wants to break or is there more to it now?

He starts to laugh in disbelief. “I knew I saw something in you. Do you want them all dead? I can make it happen.” He looks so sincere. It’s sweet that he wants to kill for me.

I rest my head back and let the music settle into my brain as the ecstasy travels to my bloodstream. “Truthfully, I don’t know. Half of me wants them all to suffer and the other half just wants to move on and forget. I’m free of it all now, so why make myself go back there?”

“You could do it. You’re strong enough, I’ve seen that tonight.”

I catch the way he saysyourather thanwe.

There’s something so melancholic about him. Like he thinks he doesn’t deserve to be breathing.

As long as we’re together, I can be his air. I’ll breathe lifeback into his lungs and show him that no matter what he’s been through, each new day is still worth it.

Chapter 18

Zack

“Do you see me differently now?” Chloe asks, a tremor of vulnerability making her voice wobble.

“Yes, and no.”

Hurt fills her eyes.

“Yes, because you’re so much more than I thought you were. You’ve been through so much yet you’re so fucking strong. I never imagined I’d meet someone so willing to fight. To get their hands dirty and bloody. But it also changes nothing. I knew you had something special in you, and I was determined to find it. When I saw that light, I wanted to snuff it out. How dare you see any good in a world so full of suffering? But, little sinner, I want to keep it burning. For me and me alone. When I’m gone, I’ll be at peace knowing that fire is still well and truly alive.”

Wide eyes stare at me, and the emotions they’re brimmed with are new yet familiar. I didn’t think I’d get to experience true love in this lifetime.

Chloe plucks another pill from the tin and places it onher tongue, then she cups the back of my head and kisses me. I fish the pill from her mouth, swallowing it along with her breath. She gives me life, but I fear it’s not enough to save me.