Page 33 of Sin & Fall

I stay a few steps away to give him space to calm down. Whatever has got him so worked up has done a number on his already scattered mind. He didn’t look like this when he killed that man in the woods. Yes, he was deranged then, almost laughing as he slit the man’s throat. But now there’s just anger.

It’s as if something has fractured in him.

“Zack, we should leave as well,” I say softly, aiming to keep him calm while leaving one eye on the bartender. He’s been giving me the creeps since we walked in.

I did what Zack wanted and seduced the bikers. It was scarily easy.

When he shoutedhands offmy heart leaped with joy that he was protecting me. Only he wasn’t. To him I’m simply a pawn in his game.

Would risking my life with those strangers in the woods have been the better choice?I can’t be sure. In my heart, I knowZack’s right. Men will always take the opportunity to inflict the worst pains imaginable when they’re alone with a woman. I’m yet to meet a man who hasn’t.

I didn’t exactly choose to stay with Zack because I thought he wouldn’t do the same. A sick part of my charred soul calls to him. It urges me to join him in his sins, to let go of the fears holding me back, and just take for myself. With him I could kill anyone who looked at me the wrong way, and he’d cheer me on. He’d make me feel intense pain and pleasure all at once, and I’d enjoy it all without an ounce of shame.

But he doesn’t want me like that.

“Zack?” I coax him again. This time he snaps back to reality. He grabs my wrist, and I’m tugged around like a rag doll as he fetches his bag from a barstool and pulls me through the open bar partition to a door leading upstairs.

Casting a look over my shoulder, I see the bartender locking the main door shut behind the bikers before following us up.

I’ve got myself trapped again. This night is really not working out how I’d hoped.

As long as I make it out alive, that’s all that matters. They can use my body however they like. I’ve learned how to dissociate.

At the top of the stairs is another door that leads to an open-plan living room and kitchen. Zack doesn’t stop to look around and pulls me to the bedroom.

Fear tries to creep its way back in. It tingles up my spine like the cold winds that would blow through the convent halls and chill me to the bone no matter how many layers I wore. I block it out.

Finally, Zack lets my wrist go, and my pulse throbs from the sudden release.

He paces back and forth, his hands shaking as he runs them through his hair. His eyes bounce wildly around the room, settling on everything and nothing at the same time. Not once does he look at me.

“Hi, sweetheart.” The man from downstairs makes me jump as he’s suddenly behind me, smiling sickly sweetly at me. I’d know that look anywhere.

I let out a breath and try not to let my disappointment show.

Better to get this over with quickly so we can get out of here and move on to whatever twisted event Zack has planned next. I’m worried about him. It’s not like I really know who he is, but this doesn’t feel like him, and nothing good will happen to him if he’s left in this state.

I’m not sure he’s even noticed there’s anyone else in the room with him. This man might try to take advantage of Zack as well if I’m not careful.

“Zack? What do you want me to do next?”

Cold fingers touch my chin and tilt my face away from Zack. “I’m the one you should be asking that to, sweetheart. Don’t worry, I’m not going to be rough with you. We’ll start nice and slow.”

“Wh-what would you like from me?” I hate the way my voice sounds. So tiny and weak. Just like how I sounded when I was new to the world of my religion.

Glancing away from the stranger, to Zack, I lower gently to my knees. Is it wrong that I want him to be jealous? That I want him to kill this man rather than let him touch me?

That’s messed up. Even for me.

“Attagirl.” The man unbuckles his belt and lowers his zipper.

If only Father Daniels could see me now. He’d tell me that this is my own fault for having deviant thoughts, andthat the only way to purge them is to let the Lord enter me. The memories of those moments make me feel sick. They also make me buzz with suppressed rage.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Zack snaps at me out of nowhere.

“Isn’t this what you wanted?” I scowl.

The guy cups the back of my head and tries moving me toward his pencil dick, but I’m in the middle of a conversation and refuse to budge.