Page 3

C old white eyes haunt my nightmares just as much as they haunt me while I’m awake.

It’s part of the reason I’ve been fighting to stay awake so damn hard.

Well, that, and I want to be there for Sol.

I don't care if Rosalynn says he’s finally out of the woods now; I won’t believe it until I see him awake again with my own eyes.

I need them all to be okay, but despite wishing I could fix everything, I have no idea how to even begin to do that.

I can’t help Sol wake up.

I can’t turn Lyle back.

Hell, I probably couldn’t even find Lyle out in the woods right now. The kingdom is huge; the forests that surround it seemed never-ending when I was a child, but nothing says he’s even still here. Nothing is stopping him from going wherever he wants.

Unfortunately, no matter how I try, I can’t stay awake forever, and eventually, sleep wins.

It’s always the same thing. Lyle stands before me in his shifted form.

I can see the trees that tower behind him, and I know we're back in the forest, but I don’t dare look away, afraid he’ll disappear again that if I do.

It’s dark, and rain falls from the sky by the bucket load.

The cold chills me to my bones, and my teeth rattle in my skull, but that’s fine.

If it means keeping Lyle here with me, I can endure it.

The alternative would be worse, after all.

“Lyle.” I try to call for him, but my voice comes out soft and pathetic.

His ears twitch, letting me know he heard me, regardless of whether he acknowledged me, but I knew he would. Shifter hearing is kind of amazing, but other than that one twitch, it’s as if I don't exist.

As if he's looking through me.

As if he has no idea who I am.

The thought makes my eyes fill with tears that I don’t bother to try and choke back; it’s not as if he cares. No, my Lyle hated when I cried, but the beast standing before me couldn’t care less.

“Lyle, please.” My voice cracks with a sob that I can’t hold back as I finally take a step toward him, despite knowing I might push him to attack—or worse, to run away—and once again be lost to me.

Neither happens, though. Instead, I watch as his eyes change from that horrible white that makes him look like some kind of zombie animal before shifting back to the beautiful hazel color I know to be his. The same eyes I’ve found comfort in and been scolded by for years.

It only lasts a moment, but that’s all I need.

I snap awake, filled with the sensation of falling, only to realize that I am. At the last second, I catch myself on the edge of the hospital bed Sol lies in, righting myself on the chair.

Lyle’s still in there, somewhere.

I don’t know how to help him, but I’ll figure it out.

I won’t give up on him.

I can’t.

Something feels different than it did when I fell asleep, and I find myself taking stock of the room. We should be safe here, but I’m not sure I believe that anymore. Nowhere feels safe.

Pike still lies at my feet as a huge fur blanket. He hasn’t shifted back since Sol got hurt, and I can't bring myself to mind; his wolf has always comforted me. The door is still closed, the dinner tray remains untouched on the table next to the bed, and Sol still lies unmoving…

Except he's not completely unmoving.

“Sol?” My voice is nothing more than a breath, but his eyes, which have been closed since we brought him back to the castle, flutter before he turns his head toward me. I can’t stop the whimper that rips out of me as his beautiful green eyes find mine.

I’m moving before I can think better of it. Practically tripping over Pike, who lies at my feet, as I stumble onto the bed. The bed isn’t huge by any means, hardly enough room for him, but I manage to get my legs under me and sit beside him.

His eyes don't leave mine as he follows my movement. It’s not until I’m damn near on top of him that I realize I have no idea what to say.

My mind whirls because there's so much I could say, probably should say, but I can’t decide where to start. Opening my mouth, I let whatever feels right fall out of my mouth.

“I missed you.” It’s but true, but it feels a bit silly in the face of his possible death, and my cheeks heat. Apparently, almost losing someone makes me lose any game I might have thought I had. Though, thinking back on all my time with the guys so far, I’m not sure I ever had any to begin with.

“Serena?” Sol blinks hard, his eyes unfocusing before they focus again, and I see something in his eyes that I’ve never seen from him before.

Desire.

Sol is usually quiet, kind, and intelligent. That’s not to say he can’t be all those things, but I’ve never been on the receiving end of a look like that from him. Hell, until recently, I didn’t even know I wanted to be, but with the way his gaze makes me feel right now, there’s no denying it.

He pushes up on his elbow before his face twists in pain, and he falls back down onto the pillow.

“Fuck,” he groans through clenched teeth, his hand reaching to cover the still healing wound on his side. I reach out, covering his hand with my own as worry spikes through me, making my heart race.

“Don’t try to get up. You’re still recovering.” I try to sound firm, demanding, but my voice comes out soft and almost pleading.

“Hey,” Sol reaches out his hand, finding mine where it’s fisted in the bedsheet beside him. He untangles my fingers before wrapping his around my own, and something settles inside me.

Sol's alive. He might still be recovering, but he’s alive, and for a moment there, that was more than I dared dream. Not with the way things had been going.

“Serena, look at me.” It's not until he says something that I realize I'm not. My eyes are trained on the bed near his shoulder. It's easier somehow not to look directly at him, not to see the damage that he’s facing just from simply being close to me.

He tugs my hand, pulling me down to his chest, and I just barely catch myself before I slam into him, bracing my hands on the bed on either side of his head.

Leaving us eye to eye and damn near nose to nose.

His hand comes up to brush some of my hair behind my ear, hardly even ghosting over my skin, but somehow, it's enough to leave me reeling.

For what feels like the millionth time this week, tears run down my face, hot and fast, before I have a chance to stop them. It would be embarrassing if I thought he would judge me, but I know he won't.

"Hey, Serena, talk to me. Tell me what's wrong.

" He moves to try and sit up again, but I press a hand to his shoulder, keeping him down, and thankfully, he doesn't fight me.

He presses a hand to my cheek, his thumb gently brushing away the tears as they fall.

I know he's trying to comfort me, but that only makes me cry harder.

Fuck, I'm a mess.

"I thought..." I choke on the words, unable to get them out as the image of him lying on the ground, bleeding, dying, once again, fills my mind.

He doesn't rush me; instead, he watches me, silently offering me his support the way he always has.

"I thought you were going to die." I let my eyes fall closed as the pain of that confession washes over me. Losing Lyle is like losing a piece of myself; it's as if someone's ripped away a part of my soul. I have to believe he's only gone for now, not forever.

But death... there's nothing anyone can do about it. It's the one guarantee of the universe; no matter who or what you are, you will die, eventually.

I just can't stomach the idea of that being now for any of my guys. I'd rather take his place a thousand times over than have to live a life without him, without any of them.

"Serena." Sol's voice is stern but not unkind, pulling me from my emotional spiral.

He's quiet until I look up, once again meeting his eyes, which are so full of warmth they take my breath away.

Has Sol always looked at me like that?

Damn, am I really that blind?

"I'm not going anywhere, okay?" He says it, and I know he believes it. I can see it in his eyes.

But he doesn't know what it was like from our side, not just for me, but for all of us. To see him lying on the ground, unmoving, his shifter healing having failed him as he almost bled to death, while all we could do was rush him to someone else for help.

I never want to feel that helpless again.

"Hey." Sol taps my nose, making me go cross-eyed. "Stop that." A smile pulls at his lips, and fuck if it isn't the best thing I've seen in days.

“I can’t,” I shake my head, trying and failing to do what he said. The image of him bleeding on the ground refuses to leave me. The same way I can still see Lyle. “You didn’t see the way—”

He doesn’t let me finish, pushing up just enough to press his lips to mine. The second our lips meet, my mind goes blank, blissfully empty, and I’m lost to him. I couldn’t pull away if I tried, but I wouldn’t dare. No, I’d stay here forever if I could.

My eyes fly open when he lets out a soft groan, and just like that, I remember why we can’t do this, at least not right now. I press a hand to his shoulder, pushing him back down onto the pillow.

“I don’t need to see. I know it was scary for you, and I’m sorry, Carrots, but I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.”

I’m shaking my head before he’s even finished talking because he doesn’t know that; he can’t possibly say that.

“With Draven after me, you don’t know that. I’m putting you all in danger just by being around you—”

Again, he presses his lips to mine, silencing me. This time, I groan in annoyance, and he pulls back with a smile.

Asshole.

“I’m serious, Sol.”

“So am I, Serena. I almost died, and the only thing I could think about was you. I spent what I thought might be my last moments wondering what life might have been like if I hadn’t always been afraid of my feelings for you. Wondering if maybe you were meant to be my mate, too.”

His words hit me, and I can’t think of a single thing to say. I have no idea if we’re meant to be mated as well, but I can’t help but want to find out.

“I love you, Serena, and I would happily die for you if I had to, but I’d much rather live for you if given the choice.” He once again gently wipes away a tear from my cheek, but this time I’m not sad, not really.

No, this time, it’s his words that got me.

Who knew Sol could be so fucking touchy-feely?

He presses back up as if to kiss me again, and as much as I might want him to, I can’t let him keep straining. He needs to rest.

But that doesn’t mean I can’t go to him .

I lean down, pressing my lips against his, and feel his as they curl up in a smile. His hand moves to snake around my waist, pulling me down until we’re chest to chest.

We kiss until we’re breathless and then kiss a bit more.

If he wasn’t still recovering, I might push him to do more, but I don’t want to hurt him.

As if he can read my mind, his hand wanders up my back and tangles in my hair before he presses his tongue to my lips in a silent request for permission to enter.

I open, unable to stop myself despite knowing we shouldn’t do this now.

The fear that had been driving me forward all week has finally subsided, and in its place is a longing for him.

Everything inside of me is screaming not to waste this time together, because if this has shown me anything, it’s that we never know when someone we love will be ripped away.

It takes everything in me to pull back, but I manage. “We can’t right now, Sol. You need to rest.” My voice is breathy and deep, letting him know exactly the effect he has on me, but it’s not something I was trying to hide.

“So, let me rest. You can be in control.” Moving his hands to my hips, he pulls me onto his lap so that I’m straddling his waist.

“Sol.” I attempt to scold him, but it doesn’t quite meet the mark. I’d expect this kind of behavior from just about any of the other guys, but not Sol. Still, I can’t deny I want him, even knowing it’s a bad idea. I don’t move away like I should, and he, of course, takes notice.

“I don’t want to keep wasting time. I don’t want to look back and have more ‘what if’ moments in the future, Rena.

I want to make every second count, whether we have five years or five hundred together, because you're the most important person in my life.” My eyes well with more tears, and I shake my head, but he just keeps going, ignoring me and the emotional wreck I am right now.

“I love you, Serena, and there’s not a damn thing in this world or any other that can change that.

Not some asshole bad guy who wants to kill you, or sharing you with other guys, or even your scary dark shadow magic is going to scare me away.

You’re stuck with me, Carrots, just like you’ve been since the day we found you crying. ”

I don’t know what to say; I don’t have a hope in the world of getting anything out, let alone it having half the meaning. So, instead, I do the only thing I can think of to even attempt to show how I feel.

I lean in and kiss him. Pouring all my emotions into our kiss, all my fear, love and hope.

I’m beyond careful with my hands as I trail my fingers up his arms to rest on his shoulders. He might be covered in dressings now, but I remember.

I won’t ever forget.