Page 29

M y tiger is a whimpering, whining mess, has been for, fuck, I don't even know how long it's been now.

The only time he ever shuts up is at night, now that I've started going back to Garrett's room.

He's still not happy. He wants our mate wrapped around us like she used to be, and I can't say I don't agree, but that's not an option right now.

At least he lets me sleep now, though.

Serena is hard to ignore; she always has been. Despite the fact that she grew up a prey shifter with no elemental magic, she's always made an impact. From her fierce determination, to her heart that she wears on her sleeve, and the way she cares about the people close to her...

Fuck, I was doomed from the start because how could someone not fall in love with that? She's perfect not only for me, but for our pack.

Which is why it's such a damn struggle to stay away from her.

I've tried to go to her at least fifty different times now, both on purpose and drawn on instinct. But it doesn’t matter, I always chicken out.

It doesn't help that I'm also avoiding the rest of them.

At this point, I might as well take my ass back down to the dungeon.

I would have if I didn't think she would use that opportunity to corner me.

I can feel her sadness and yearning for me.

With a groan of frustration, I pull myself from the warm water of the bathhouse and up onto the deck.

This place is beautiful, but no less lonely.

I thought coming here would help me breathe, maybe make a plan or get my shit together, but it seems nothing can do that.

Maybe I wasn't meant to have a pack or a mate.

The mere thought makes my chest tight, and I know that's not true.

I fucked up. I let my brother get hurt, let my best friend be turned into a beast, and almost let my mate get killed, but none of that has anything to do with Serena.

No, she's still perfect for me, even if I don't deserve her.

It's the middle of the night. Everyone in the castle’s fast asleep, so I take a moment on the deck to breathe. Closing my eyes and allowing myself to think of her now that I don’t need to worry about anyone interrupting me.

This shared bond shit was already annoying before, but now it's downright insufferable.

Thoughts and memories flood my mind as if I've opened a box and allowed them to be free.

I can't pretend they don't hurt. What we were before, all of us, happy. But the one good thing about being alone is that I don't have to hide that pain.

A single tear escapes, tracking down my cheek. Thankfully, this is a bathhouse; everything's wet.

"If you miss her so much, you could always talk to her, you know."

I jump so hard that I almost fall back into the water, only saving myself by digging my nails into the wood.

"Fuck, Pike!" I hiss, turning to glare at him, and I instantly regret it.

I've just yelled at him, but somehow he sees past that, his eyes narrowing on my face, and I know what he sees, though I don't understand how. His eyes soften, his lips pulling down in a frown as he walks toward me despite still being fully clothed.

I look away, but it’s too late. The damage is done.

Pike sits on the ground next to me, kicking off his shoes, letting his feet dip into the water.

He doesn’t touch me, doesn’t so much as say another word.

Simply sitting with me as I stare at the wall, unwilling to turn back toward him and see the pity in his eyes.

Even without looking at him, I can feel him, and I don’t mean the spot where his thigh is pressed to mine.

I feel his beast, his eyes as he watches me, his curiosity.

Pike and I couldn't be more opposite. His constant need for touch, affection, and being the center of attention literally gives me hives. I’ve broken limbs for people touching me without my permission, and I’d rather disappear into the darkness than stand front and center.

At least I used to.

With the guys, it’s different.

With Serena, everything changed. I need to be around her, or not only me, but my beast suffers. Somewhere along the way, Pike became someone I craved too.

I never wanted to be with someone like this. That was why I agreed to this fling with Pike. He was someone I could stand to be around, someone whose touch didn’t make me want to crawl out of my skin.

I was too stupid to realize I was in love with Serena back then, and he was twisted up with Harlow. We both needed someone, and in the heat of the moment, it worked.

So many times I’ve told him it was the last time. For a long time, I believed it myself. Once, twice, a handful of times. He was just a body, there were no feelings… but that’s not true, at least not anymore.

I’ve known it for a while now; I just didn’t want to admit it. Now I can’t even make myself voice the lie aloud.

“What do you want, Pike?” I ask, unable to handle the weight of his presence, even if all he’s doing is sitting here with me.

I used to crave solitude, but now, after finding my mate, finding my pack—it’s not as enjoyable. Hell, I’d go so far as to call it miserable.

“Nothing, I just thought you could use some company.” I whip my head his way and find him looking out at the water, a soft smile on his lips as he gently kicks his feet, without a care in the world.

No, that’s a lie. I know Pike worries about a lot of things; he’s just good at hiding it all. He hides behind smiles and jokes the same way I hide behind scowls and threats of violence.

His pant legs are slowly soaking up water, the wet mark now all the way to his knees despite the water only reaching his ankles.

“She misses you, you know.” He says it so nonchalantly, as if he didn’t just dig the knife in deeper, but I only have myself to blame, really.

How do I explain to him that I fucked up, that it started as fear but quickly turned into cowardice?

How can I face her now? I’ve tried, and every time I fail.

She’s my mate. I’m supposed to be there for her. They are my pack, Sol is my twin.

I’ve failed all of them.

I don’t deserve their company or their forgiveness, but I know, despite that, they will give it anyway.

That’s just how they are.

Fuck, I want that. I want to go back up to that room and beg for her forgiveness on my hands and knees.

“We all do.” Still, he isn’t looking at me, and I let my eyes roam over the profile of his face.

Pike is beautiful. That’s why all the girls always flock to him, and while I know I’m not ugly, my personality mostly keeps people away.

Pike isn’t the type of guy I usually find attractive, though.

Usually, I like darker features on men, short hair, and a way less bubbly, energetic personality.

But he’s like a siren or something—one taste and I was a goner.

His lips are pulled down in a slight frown, and it looks so out of place on his face that I can’t stop myself. Reaching out, I rest my hand on top of his, where it sits on the dock, in what I hope is a comforting gesture.

The only person I’ve ever tried to comfort is Serena, and even that is rare.

Pike, Blair, and Sol are so much better at it that I usually just stand back and offer something fun afterward, like watching anime, playing a game, or even cooking something she likes…

my love language has never been physical, but theirs is.

Pike’s leg freezes mid-kick, his head turning toward me, but he isn’t looking at me. Instead, his eyes are cast down to where our hands rest together on the little wooden dock.

The frown on his lips turns up into a blinding smile. I try to remain unaffected by it, but I fail.

My cheeks heat and fuck, I wish a little blush were the worst of my problems right now.

Why the hell had I thought it was acceptable to sit here naked with him?

I adjust, pressing my free hand to my lap in hopes of hiding the fact that I now have a raging boner.

Pike’s eyes dart to the movement before he looks up at me. Our eyes lock, and he cocks a brow, making me roll my eyes. Of course, he wouldn’t miss that, of all the things.

I watch him, unable to look away as he licks his lips, and suddenly all I can do is picture them wrapped around my painfully hard cock.

Fuck.

Yeah, sitting naked with him was a bad idea on my part. I should have known better; hell, I do know better, I just wasn’t thinking straight. I didn’t expect him to show up here in the dead of night; that’s the whole reason I came when I did.

Pulling my legs from the water, I move to stand, done with my bath and this conversation.

I don’t make it far, though, as Pike’s fingers wrap around mine, keeping me hostage.

“Pike,” I growl, my already thin patience running out. I try to pull my hand free again, but he continues to hold me. I stand naked on the edge of the dock, with Pike at my feet, staring out at the water once again.

This is doing absolutely nothing for my… situation . If anything, it only makes it worse. All he would have to do is turn around, and his mouth is right there—

No.

What the hell is wrong with me?

I don’t deserve their forgiveness, but somehow I feel as though I deserve to have my dick sucked?

I rub my free hand down my face with a groan of frustration as I try to clear the thought from my mind.

My eyes fly open as I let my hand fall away, sucking in a breath through clenched teeth as I find Pike exactly where I’d just imagined him, on his knees in front of me.

His tongue presses to the underside of my cock as he runs it over each piercing.

He knows how sensitive they are, knows what I like best, and how to make me come hard enough that I swear I see stars.

We’ve had years to fuck around, literally, and he’s spent it finding ways to make me feel more than I ever wanted to, more than I even knew was possible.