Page 9 of Shadowman

After dinner, she insisted on driving me home, even though the restaurant was less than a ten-minute walk. I was nervous that it was just an excuse for her to come up, and naturally, it was.

When the goodnightkissstarted fogging up her car windows, I reluctantly invited her upstairs. My nerves were at the forefront of my mind, but I also hadn’t gotten laid in, like, a month, so I was trying not to overthink it.

Calm down,I kept telling myself.This is what you both want.

“Are we still taking things slow?” Alice asked, pushing me backward on my bed.

No, my dick said, loudly.Fast fast fast.

“Um…” was all I could get out before her mouth was mauling mine.

Clothes started coming off, and my worried thoughts were fading away. It wasfine. We were going to have sex, and I was sure it would be amazing. Surely, if I could manage it withouthurting the random Tinder hookups, then I could pull it off with Alice.

She’sperfect.

With my dick in her mouth, I was in an instant daze. This was happening. I was going to fuck her, and then… we would be a couple. We’d be in arealrelationship…

The first one I’ve ever had.

“But you’re incapable of giving love, Trevel,”the voice told me.“You only know how to be used.”

My chest constricted as I turned my face, slowly to the left, locking our eyes. My teeth ground together. “You’dloveto watch that again, wouldn’t you?”

Alice pulled her warm, wet mouth off of my cock. “Huh?”

Glancing down at her, I swallowed. “Nothing. That f-feels… good.”

She grinned, climbing back up my body. “Fuck me, stranger.”

“Trevel, Dr. Love will see you now!”

I startle at the sound of Dr. Love’s secretary, jumping up from my seat while trying to seem normal.

For someone who had it off with their girlfriend, you’re awfully twitchy.

Making my way to Dr. Love’s office, I’m still reeling. Alice and Ifinallyhad sex, and it was great. No one hurt anyone. We both survived. And much to my own surprise and delight, she opted not to stay the night without me even having to bring it up, sparing me that awkwardI hope I don’t scream and punch you in the face at nightconversation.

I’m excited to tell Dr. Love all of this. Not that it should matter how my shrink feels about me sleeping with someone. But to me, it does. I want to see if he’s chuffed for me. If he’s proud, or satisfied… Or jealous.

Right. That would never happen in a zillion years. It’s tapped to even think about it.

But I can’t help it. My interest in Dr. Love have blurred over the years, from my doctor, to my confidante, to my friend and protector…To a chap I have confusing sexual feelings for, apparently.

I’m nottryingto have them. They’re just there.

I’m well aware that he’s straighter than a straight line, and far too professional to ever evenentertainan attraction to a patient. But that doesn’t stop my deranged mind from hanging on every interaction, as if it’s desperate for one to blossom into somethingmore.

But what’s even more disturbing is that I just took things to the next level with my girlfriend, and yet I can’t stop obsessively thinking about my doctor.

Let’s just chalk it up to the constant flailing confusion of being bi/pan.

“Happy Monday,” I chatter to my hot doctor on my way inside his office, cringing because I sound like a twit.

Sidling over to the small couch, I take a seat.

“Hello, Trevel,” he says in his usual brogue. And for once, he’s not fiddling with his notebook. In fact, there’s no notebook at all. “How have you been?”

“Fine.” I shake my head. “I mean, good.Well.”