Page 55 of Shadowman

Ren goes on with his apology, and I just sit across from them, staring. Listening to Ren confess this shit that the rest of us already knew, as if it’s some great revelation.

In a way, I guess it is. Because for him to actually admit this stuff and to behonest… It’s a big deal for our friend, the compulsive liar.

The way they’re gazing at onlyeach otherhas me growing uneasy, shifting in my seat.

I shouldn’t be here for this…

This is a private relationship conversation. Why am I listening to this?

“So…” Ren clears his throat when he’s done with his monologue. “You have the floor. If there’s anything you’d like to, um… contribute. To this, uh… dialogue.” He’s fumbling, and it’s kind of adorable.

He has no idea how to have open communication. Withanyone, really, but especially with someone he has feelings for.

I can relate.

Luthor’s lashes flutter. And then he glances at me, a brief, pleading look in his eyes, like he’s asking me for help. LikeI’ma part of this conversation too, and it’s confusing as shit.

Here I was, thinking I should quietly slink away and give them space. But now they’re both looking at me, as if I haveanyfucking say in what’s going on between them. It’s weird, and fully verifying of my ongoing, very reluctant involvement in their tumultuous relationship.

I can do nothing more than give Luthor some telepathic advice…

Just be honest.

Clearly, it’s ado as I say, not as I dotype thing.

“I guess I appreciate your apology,” Luthor says to him, reticently. “If it’s true…”

“It is.” Ren nods.

“I like that you’re finally acknowledging how batshit psycho you’d be if I did even a fraction of the stuff you do.” Luthor goes on, pointedly, slanting his head.

“I was never very good at math, baby.” Ren smirks, his hands slinking across the table, going for Luthor’s.

It’s one of his standard moves.Distract with physical contact to control the situation and avoid emotional intimacy.

But Luthor isn’t having it. He rolls his eyes, tugging his hands away. “Stop. I’m always the one who has to sit back and watch you doing fucked-up shit. I just wish you knew how that felt for once…”

I’m zoning out again until Luthor says, “Look at you and Kang, for example.”

My spine stiffens at mention of my name.

“You guys have sex, in the showers, right in front of me…”

Um… Am I supposed to weigh in?

Lips parting, I can feel heat rushing up my neck into my face.

“I’m pretending it’syou,” Ren whines in defense, and my jaw clenches.

Okay…

Luthor flips up his hand, dismissing Ren’s argument. “That’s irrelevant. It’snotme, okay? Everyone knows it isn’t. I mean, shit… What ifIhooked up with Kang in front of you?”

My eyes widen, head slanting at the trajectory of this conversation.

“You think me just saying,‘But baby, I’m thinking of you the whole time,’would really make you feel any less murdery about it??”

I’m still just gaping at them, frozen in awkwardness. But I have to register that Luthor has a point… One that basically derails Ren’s wholeproxyrationalization.