Page 74 of Shadowman

I don’t even like to let nostalgia seep in, because we all know that’s a slippery slope. But we also know I’m not as good at simplyforgettingthings as I like to pretend I am. My memories are all I have left.Literally.Ihaveto rely on the past, because the state of my present is growing increasingly bleak.

Luthor and Ren are a couple now—as much as Luthor will allow, anyway. Which basically means they spend every waking minute making me want to barf with their incessant cuteness, but Luthor still refuses to call Ren hisboyfriend. He’s probably just doing it to get a rise out of Ren.

That’s what I would do.

Shaking my head, I close my eyes tight before my thoughts make me puke as much as the live rom-com being played out in front of me. When I reopen them, I spot Rook, Joy and Velle across the room, also visibly teasing and flirting.

Something happened between Velle and the Warden. None of us knows exactly what, but the power trio over there left the island together for a few days, and when they came back, they were athrouple.

The prison is technically still on lockdown, but Velle is steering the ship. No one’s seen Manuel Blanco in a while… I know that should be a relief, but it’s not. Sometimes it’s better to see the danger than to worry about it hiding around every corner.

Still, nobody else is worrying about it. I swear to God, this place feels more like a couples resort than a fucking prison right now, and not just forcurrentinmates and employees…

We started talking to Dash on the phone from wherever he is. It must be somewhere far and secluded, based on how comfortable everyone is with him calling Joy weekly. But the kicker is that he somehow met up with a former AP guard, Kemper, and now they’re in some super adorable, squishy, gross relationship too, yucking it up in fugitive heaven.

I wish I was kidding. They’ve got a house and a dog, and they spend their days fucking, cuddling, and beingfree. While we’re still stuck here, living vicariously.

I love Dash, I do. IswearI’m happy for him, but I can’t help the way hearing him chuckle and sigh on the phone with my other stupidly in love friends every week makes me want to jam concrete in my ears.Or curl up in bed with my headphones on, blaring A Static Lullaby.

To top it all off, someoneelsehas been venturing out of hiding lately, proving once and for all that his actions have no consequences…

Felix fucking Darcey.

You know, the prick who killed my cellmate and set Dash free.

Thankfully, he doesn’t interact with us much, and mostly reigns over the East Wing with his Doctor Daddy.No joke.The allegedly world-renowned psychiatrist, who was brought here simply tostudyThe Carver, wound up fucking him.

What sort of bullshit is that??

This entire building is made of heart eyes. Almost overnight, they all went from an abstinence-fueled rage to standing outside each other’s windows with a boombox.

Hancock and Jasper are vibing in a pretty obvious way, Peters has a bounce in his step… Even Percy Gage, Ren’s former obnoxious doofus of a fuckbuddy, has calmed the hell down and stopped harassing people. Word on the street is he started bottoming and now he’s a changed man.

Yea.I’m telling you, it’s a goddamnepidemic.

Everyone’shappy.

Everyone but me.

Which is why I’m doing the exact thing I never let myself do… Wishing I were anywhere but here.

I miss Manhattan. I miss other angry people cursing at each other over some bullshit. I miss the aggressive horns honking and cabbies shouting at bicyclists.

I also miss Google, because right now, I could really use a search-bar…

Can you die from anger?

What’s the world record for the longest scowl?

Is being a “hater” ever considered a medical condition?

It’s not that Iwantto feel this way. I can’t help it. While everyone around me is joyously floating on their cotton candy-flavored rainbow magic carpets, I’m stuck down here on Earth. Chained up in a place that sucks, with no one left to entertain me or distract me from how lonely I am.

My best friends are assholes. Openly chatting about how they like Darcey—the guy who killed our friend!Luthor actuallywaved at the kid the other day when he was up here… Fuckingwavedat him!Can you believe that shit?!

Ugh, it really steams my biscuits. Where’s the sense of loyalty?? If not for O’Malley, then forme!

I’m crunchier than a bag of Fritos, and I’m not trying to be. I hate coming off asjealous, but this just stings, like salt in a wound.