Page 28 of Shadowman

Eyes following the friend, I watch as he slumps down on the adjacent chair, dumping out a different-looking substance onto the coffee table. He begins fiddling with it, cutting it up into lines with what looks like his driver’s license.

Andres snaps his fingers in front of my face. “So whaddya think, loverboy? Want me to sort you out?”

He smirks, much more devilish than his sister, though it’s painfully apparent that they’re twins. Not identical, but still. The resemblance is there for sure, despite Alice’s femininity in her angles and Andres’s ruggedness. Honestly, he’s a bit scary. Aggressive and brash, with a darkness in his eyes, unlike his sister, who’s all light.

Andres is just such aman. I wish I didn’t find it as attractive as I do…

Either way, that doesn’t matter. I just want the drugs. That’s it.

Despite how good it feels to have Alice, someone beautiful, smart and kind, who loves me… I’m still broken. Overflowing with bad things she doesn’t know about. Things I don’t want to feel anymore.

I need to shut it up… All the noise.

I want to be numb again.

“Andres.” Alice says his name admonishingly. She seems like the older sibling, though they’re the exact same age. “It’s not a good time.”

“It’s always a good time to get high,” the friend says, sticking a rolled-up bill into his nose and leaning forward to snort a line of whatever he’s doing. Whipping his head back, he sniffs and wipes his nose before turning to Alice. “Want some?”

What’s he doing…? I might want some of that…

“I’m all set. Thanks,” she mutters, clearly annoyed.

“Come on, Sis,” Andres goads. “Live a little.”

She aims an irritated glare up at him before turning to me, still showing me that empathy and care she was giving me moments ago, before the dope fiends showed up. “Baby, I’m not sure it’s a good idea…” Her brows lift, like she wants me to understand the point she’s trying to get across.

Of course she’s right. Getting high is a crutch, and a dangerous one, at that. But I’m in a downward spiral that feels too good to ruin with rational thinking or consequences.

“It won’t help,” Alice says softly, only to me.

“I have to agree with the bird on this one,”Leo meddles.

My eyes flick to him before returning to my girlfriend. I pinch her chin between my fingers. “I think it will.” Placing a chaste kiss on her frown, I stand up. “Don’t worry, gorgeous. I’ll be fine. I always am.”

The last thing I see is her sad smile.My angel…

Unfortunately, the devil is much more tempting.

I follow Andres into the loo. I’m not really sure why… I assume it’s because we’re going to shoot it, and this is where he prefers to do that. But I’m behaving like such a raving junkie, I’m sure I’d follow him out onto a ledge at this point.

Inside, with the door closed, he turns to face me. But says nothing.

I lift a questioning brow. “Well?”

“Wellyourself,” he snaps, gently. “I’m assuming you have no money…” I swallow hard. “So… you know how this works.”

I sigh and roll my eyes. “Fine.But remember our deal…” I drop to my knees and start opening his pants. “She never finds out.”

“You’re such a good boyfriend to my sister,” he croons sarcastically, grinning down at me while I pull his dick out.

“Fuck off,” I grunt. And then I’m sucking.

But it’sfine. It doesn’t mean anything.

I love Alice; I know that. This is just something I do, usually as a form of currency. I suppose I can admit that italsohappens because I’m a terribly destructive person who can’t seem to resist hot, toxic fuckboy dick.

What can I say? I have adeeplyrooted need to self-sabotage.