Page 58 of Secrets That Bind Us

He shakes his head as he takes a seat on the pew in front of me. “Did you know Richard Huntington and I were rivals in our teens?”

I feel my eyes narrow and my jaw clench.

“I had nothing to offer your mother when I asked your grandfather for her hand. Nothing. Only the shirt off my back. But Richard… well, he knew that farm like the back and the palm of his hand, having worked for your grandfather.” He looks away wistfully.

“I left Adelaide, for a little while, to study. Did missionary work abroad. I did everything I could to forget your mother. But nothing worked. When I came back to town with a ring worthy of her… well… she was already married. And Richard was an alright husband… at the time. Or so I thought. I had to watch her come into this very church on his arm and treat her as one of my flock. For almost twenty years.”

He blinks rapidly. “The night she came to me; she was seeking refuge from a storm.

The worst storm this town had seen in maybe two decades.

The entire town was a mess. Trees and debris all over the roads.

We were trapped in here for two days with nothing but Sunday school snacks to nibble on.

But it was the best two days of my life. Our love resulted in you.

“Verity, I loved your mother as fiercely as I could from afar. And when she showed signs of her pregnancy, I did my best to begin the process of getting her out. I knew I would be shamed and judged, but it didn’t matter to me.

I knew the kind of man Richard was, saw the darkness in him one too many times as youngsters.

My priority was your mother. I loved you before I ever met you.

I loved you when you were in her womb, Verity.

And for that I will never be ashamed. No force on earth could ever make me regret loving your mother… or you.”

He inhales deeply. “You were two the first time we had gathered enough money for her not to just leave, but to purchase our own home in Georgia. He found out. And held you hostage in the basement. For three days. The second time she tried to run, you were eight. It was the first time he knocked her out cold. He threatened me with your life. So I waited in the shadows. Loved you both from afar. Because it was safer that way. Then we tried one last time when you were twelve.”

He doesn’t have to tell me what happened then, because I saw it with my own eyes.

The way Richard Huntington dragged my mother by the hair, and shoved a gun in my face, threatening me with her life.

“But why didn’t you tell me? The entire town already knew I-” I shut my fucking mouth.

I did the same goddamn thing to my own daughter.

History is just repeating itself– but it seems that’s how small towns work. I shake my head but the guilt remains.

“Don’t you think I wanted to? I treasured every moment we had.

As bleak as that is, sweet girl. I think at some point I had hoped you’d come and confront me about the rumors yourself so I could tell you, yes.

That I am your father and that I love you with every beat of my heart as a father should.

I have watched every single one of your accomplishments from afar, and Verity– even when you thought you were failing, I knew He would never put you through an obstacle you could not overcome.

And if you failed, I prayed you would come home so you could see your mother happy for once in that house. ”

“Why didn’t you come find me?” I ask, voice breaking, but I have no tears for him.For the first time, I think they’re for me.

“So many times I found myself at one of your book signings, watching you, wanting to tell you, the words on the tip of my tongue… but what would it have done? I’d only make your world crash and tumble. I will admit I was a coward in that regard.”

My anger flares. “I was alone ! I was barely eighteen-years-old, alone in a city far larger and greater and scarier than this one with a baby in my belly!” I scream out, heat flooding my face in my outburst. “I married a man whose cruelty was not his fists, but his silence… until the end . I had a mother who chose not to speak to me, as if a child simply stops needing their mother at age eighteen. I had children who were too young to possibly understand what Mommy could be going through, and I was alone in a marriage. And I navigated it all alone because I could not call my mother. I had no father because he disappeared. No siblings. My best friend was thousands of miles away, and the man I married chose silence . Chose to punish me with silence, even though his actions were loud, and humiliating. And all I did; all I was able to do – was sit with the echoes of my past replaying in my mind like a goddamn broken record– excuse my French– trying to push forward with a baby latched onto my breast or high on my hip. When all I wanted, all I needed… was a pat on the shoulder to tell me I was going to be okay. And I didn’t get that.

“All of my life I got everyone else’s broken mirror reflections and pity .

” I shudder at the weight chipping and falling off my shoulders.

“So if you somehow think staying away and not making my world crash down around me was a better alternative– you were wrong, Reverend. I know how to nurse heartache. I’ve been nursing it for the last thirteen years . ” My voice breaks. But still. No tears.

The sorrow on his face mirrors my heart. “I’m sorry. I was just trying to abide by your mother’s wishes, that you come to me-”

“Keeping your promises to dead people is what hurts the living ones, Reverend .” I stand abruptly and take a step out onto the aisle, staring down at him.

He rises to his feet, and I almost shrink back at how tall he is. It isn’t imposing. It doesn’t make me feel strange. I just don’t like it. “Verity-”

“I need time.” I interrupt him quickly. “I know I’ve been here for months.

I know you were waiting on me but goddamnit.

A cup of coffee to welcome me home? Coming to bless the house?

You had so many openings. All of them could have been disguised as a way to somehow ease your way into saying, ‘ All the rumors were true. I’m your Daddy. ’ ” I scoff in a Southern drawl.

“You’re right.”

My hands come up quickly, drop, then I put them on my hips.

“I know I am!” God, that doesn’t make me feel better.

So I hang my head and sigh, letting a few heartbeats pass then slowly lift my head to look upon him.

“Zoey gets married on the property in six weeks. I wanted to do this now so there wasn’t any awkwardness during. ”

He stays quiet.

“My children deserve to know their grandfather. But you and I”-I gesture between us– “have so many reparations to do. Fortunately for you, children are easily adaptable, unfortunately for you, I am not.” I lick my lips before shifting my gaze again.

“I need to know right now– are there any more secrets my mother has kept hidden so I’m no longer blindsided? ”

He stares at me, amber eyes blinking. “Would you like to have coffee with me?”

“When?” I ask harshly.

“Next week?”

“That’s fine .” I snap like a petulant child, then walk away, not taking a breath until the door slams behind me, and I’m outside in the freezing late October rain, letting it cool me down. I take a few calming breaths, although I feel myself trembling from my fury.

Everyone in the SUV is silent when I climb in and slam the door shut. Dean doesn’t say a word. Just starts backing up and driving us home.

It’s only when we’re halfway to the front porch, I realize Reverend Bishop never answered my question.

Running my fingers through my hair, I huff out a large breath, still feeling the aftereffects, that tension in my body like bees vibrating inside of me.

Rolling my head and tipping it back, grabbing the base of my skull, I look up at the ceiling.

Blinking when I see a smidge of black. That…

shouldn't be there. Is it mold? It can't be.

This entire place was gutted. But it has been raining a lot.

Too much. Fuck, I'll have to get Will back out here to check for a leak.

“You okay?” Dean asks when he enters the kitchen, and the kids are putting their things up in their rooms.

I shake my head, bringing my gaze back down to meet his.

“No, actually. I'm not.” I snap, scratching at my forehead.

“God, I hate this fucking town. It's like…

I came back for you. I came back to flip this house, to get rid of it.

But I came back for you. For Savvy to know her dad.

And Noah. And it's like, I both traveled back in time and I'm caught in the messiest fucking loops, trying to claw my way out.

And the truth is, half of this shit isn't even my shit to deal with!

It's my mom's! It’s my grandma's! It's Zoey's!

Every fucking day it's just a shit twister, and I'm the fucking cow getting sucked in and thrown around!”

I take in a deep breath, my stomach boiling.

The buzzing inside me continues, burrowing now like insects under my skin.

I go to the sink and grab a tumbler so I can fill it with water.

Hands shaking, I set it on the counter and turn to look at Dean.

“Do you know how fucking embarrassing it was hearing the rumors when I was kid, leave this hellhole, just to come back and find out it was all true?!” The lights flicker above us.

“All of it? And he has the fucking audacity to tell me he wished I came to him at fucking fifteen-years-old to confront him?! I was a kid! He was a grown man of God! And now there’s fucking mold on the goddamn ceiling!

” I growl, pointing at the ceiling, only to see the fucking smudge has moved above my head.

“Verity-“

“WHAT?!” My rage is an ocean crashing ashore, and the glass tumbler on the counter flies off and crashes to the floor.