Page 36 of Secrets That Bind Us

Dean

Present Day

It's another twenty minutes I’m alone in a house that feels like home but doesn’t.

So many days and hours I spent here with Marie during her last years, fixing what I could so she didn’t have to spend money.

Which, I realize now, was idiotic of me.

Now, knowing that Verity made sure her mother was more than well off financially.

Either way, I was lucky to have spent time with the woman that had been more of a mother to me than my own.

Even if she didn’t recognize me toward the end.

I make sure to call the department and my deputy to let them know I won’t be making it in for my shift in the morning.

The large Smart TV hanging over the mantle looks completely out of place, surrounded by shelves full of books, little knickknacks, and pictures.

I took my time looking at every single one, wearing a weird smile/frown on my face before sitting down and turning on the TV.

I click over to Netflix and put on some vampire show I know Verity watched our senior year. Sure enough, she’s on season three. I can hear the shower turn off, but an uneasiness comes over me. The hair on the back of my neck stands up, and that peculiar feeling of being watched settles in my bones.

Something isn’t right.

I quirk a brow and sit straight up; that on-edge feeling I got being on the field sends my internal alarms blaring.

I rise to my feet, go to the window in the dining area, and take a peek outside.

Nothing is out of the ordinary or out of place.

Not even the motion sensor light turns on.

I decide to close the blinds, but in the reflection of the window, I swear I see Marie’s face looking at me.

I look over my shoulder quickly, but nobody’s there.

I jump when I look back out and see Verity’s reflection standing there, watching me.

She’s wearing an oversized T-shirt and hopefully nothing underneath.

Her hands are on her hips, head tilted to the side, a curious look on her face. “Everything okay?”

I'm quick to pull the shutters closed. “Yeah,” I nod, shaking that feeling away. “Ha, you ever think this house is haunted?”

She shrugs as she sits on the chaise end of the couch. “This house is over a century old. I’m sure the remodel woke up a few ancestors."

“Verity, I’m not being funny.”

“I’m not either.”

I sit beside her, and she doesn’t flinch away from me. I call that a win. “You think it could be your mom?”

She shakes her head, looking pale in the soft glow of the TV show on the screen.

God, she’s breathtaking. “If anything, I think Mama just comes back every now and then to make sure we’re okay.

Sometimes I get a whiff of her perfume, or I find something I need…

Sometimes, when I really need my Mama, I swear I can feel her hugging me.

But I don’t think that’s the house. I think that’s just her.

Stuff like that has been happening even while we were back in New Haven. ”

She stays quiet for a moment and looks away.

“What is it?”

She clears her throat. “The night she died, I had this awful nightmare of her being trapped here in the dark, reaching out to me. When I woke up, I swear she was sitting on the edge of my bed, hair in rollers and in her pink bathrobe. You remember that one?”

I nod.

She died in it.

But Verity doesn’t need to know that.

“We were headed to Paris the day after. My book was being launched. I called out to her. And she turned and said, ‘Promise me you won’t go back.’” There’s a darkness that surrounds Verity while she recalls this story, and I don’t miss the way her arms break out in goosebumps.

“When I didn’t reply to her, she got up and she was on me, her face in mine, pinching my cheeks so hard it hurt, and she kept saying, ‘Stay away, sweet girl. Stay away.’ But it was so loud, so angry, and her touch was freezing.

I woke up screaming, even scared the kids.

But I was so scared myself,” she chuckles, “I made them sleep with me that night. In the morning I got the call from her hospice nurse.”

“Verity…”

“I stayed away as long as I could. I left the kids with Eli, came down, made the arrangements and left. But when Zoey and Evan said they wanted to have the wedding here, where they met as teens, what could I say? They’ve done everything for me.

They’ve been so supportive of everything, even when they weren’t happy.

Even when Zoey was angry with me. Even after I missed so many of their milestones, staying away like Mama asked me to. ”

“She asked you to stay away, while she was alive?” Even though it’s news to me, I understand Marie’s reasoning.

Verity nods.

“Why?”

Another shrug. “I don’t know. She was so scared that night. She wasn’t my mom. Not the loving, caring woman I knew. She was… deranged. Daddy had found out about me leaving, and something else happened. Something I can’t remember, no matter how many times I try to.”

“Well, I’m glad you came back.” I admit, knowing it's better she doesn't remember what happened. She'll never look at me the same. It's a secret I'll take to the grave if I have to.

She makes a soft noise in her throat like a hum, and I nervously put my arm around her shoulders like an awkward teenager. She snaps her head in my direction. “What are you doing?”

“Getting comfortable.”

“You can actually go home. Thank you for the Pedialyte and helping with my kids. You did a good job.”

This bothers me. I look up at the ceiling and search for patience, and fuck me, there isn’t any.

“ A good job? ” I pull away so I can really take her in.

She’s gotten a little paler, and she’s looking a bit green herself, but I press on.

“I’m not leaving. Even if the worst is over, you don’t need to be handling this by yourself. You need help.”

“I don’t need anything. I gave you a chance to prove yourself and you did, and I thank you, but I got it from here.”

“Christ, I forgot how fucking stubborn you can be. You don’t have to handle this by yourself anymore, Ver.

I’m here.” She shakes her head at me, still wet strands of her hair falling around her shoulders.

“You may not need me, but I’m here. I want to be here.

For you. For them. However you need me. I’ll clean out the puke buckets.

I’ll scrub the toilets. I’ll throw away rugs and rub a tummy.

I’m not so fucking senseless that I can’t make stew when they’re ready to eat so you can sleep. ”

“I don’t need you here.” She grounds out, but I know it’s a lie as soon as her eyes dart away when she says it.

“Christ, what did Micah fucking do to you?”

“He made me a head of household, married, single mother, Dean. I did it all alone. With a ring on my finger and a useless title.”

“I told you.” I hate the words as soon as they slip out of my mouth, and she does too because she cringes. “I told you, ‘Whatever you do, don’t marry him. You won’t be happy.’”

“Well, I did! Okay?! I was alone in a big city, pregnant and scared, and he was the only friend I had out there because Jake got a great opportunity in Japan, and trust me when I tell you, it was better than being alone. It was better than having three roommates and having to share one bathroom until I was given the bonus for my manuscript. And mind you, we didn’t marry until years later. ”

“And now he’s dead, and you’re back, and you have me . And I’m not going any-fuckin-where.” It’s cruel and callous but I don’t give a fuck.

She’s off the chaise in two seconds, hands on her full hips.

There’s my spitfire. “Jesus, Dean, this isn’t a movie!

This isn’t a single mom rom-com – this is my life!

Their lives! I don’t have you! I never had you.

” Her voice cracks, and my heart plummets.

Is that really how she felt? Before I can ask, she continues, becoming more animated.

Hell yeah. “I had pieces of you when I gave you all of me , no matter how hard I tried not to. Except now, it’s not just me anymore.

I have kids now. It changes everything!”

It really fucking doesn’t. Not to me.

“Yeah? Well, it was my life, too, Verity! She’s my kid, too!

And him. If you think Noah not being mine would make me love him any less or differently just ‘cause he doesn’t have my blood, you’ve gone and fucked shit up in your head or I just haven’t proven the type of man I really am.

He’s half you, Ver. And I’ll be damned, but when I look at him, I see you. I don’t see him .

“So let me fucking love you the way I should’ve been loving you – the way I’ve always loved you.

And let me love them like my own, because they are my own.

Because fuck Micah. Quit being so goddamn stubborn and fucking fighting this, Verity.

It was always you and me. Every second, every hour, every fucking day you fight this from happening is another day we waste not being together. Let it happen.”

She’s fuming, but she’s so fucking devastatingly beautiful, hair around her shoulders, glasses perched on the tip of her nose, brows hiked way up and a glare that softens just enough for me to continue. Just enough for me to try to call out to the girl that loved me, to bring her back to me.

“I ain’t afraid to beg, Verity. So please,” I swallow and take a step forward, grabbing her hand and tugging her to me, then put my hands on her shoulders.

“Let me love you right. I don’t want to tell you my intentions, I want to show you.

We already know this ends with you wearing my Nana’s ring on your finger and being my wife.

With us on a back porch in matching rocking chairs, watching our grandkids play, helping ‘em catching fireflies at sunset.