Page 40 of Secrets That Bind Us

Dean

Present Day

Is it weird to say I’m… nervous?

I check my reflection in the full-length mirror hung on the back of my bedroom door.

I exhale as I check out my boots, my denim jeans that are a bit tighter than I used to wear in high school, and my black long-sleeve Henley.

It’s not too cold out, but enough a breeze might bring a chill.

And I’m riding tonight, so I know there will be.

But I’m not riding the Harley. The nostalgia keeps hitting me hard, memories of Verity keep springing up faster than I can prepare for them.

Running her fingers through my hair while I lay my head on her lap.

Chasing her through the field of sunflowers that tower over us like corn stalks.

It’s a maze in there, but she’s always my focal point– find the girl of my dreams. Every kiss, from soft, to chaste, to ravaging.

Getting her naked was always fun but having her in my arms in any manner was the end goal.

The first argument we have that isn’t about our future, is by the pond while Evan and Zoey look on.

It’s a dumb fight, but the end result is me shutting her up with a kiss.

Her, teaching me how to two-step under a full moon.

We get caught in a rainstorm and find shelter under an awning in town, where I crowd her and beg for a kiss while those big, doe eyes gaze up at me, water still dripping, and I swear, this is my favorite view of her until I see her again.

Every time I see her, is my new favorite memory.

She goes to all my legal races, cheering me on, and then one night…

after the last game where we don’t make it to playoffs, which means there won’t be any scouts watching for me at state, she surprises me.

I’m a little upset about the game, but I hold her hand anyway, not letting that fuck up my time with her.

Because now I know it’s limited. No scouts mean no college.

Even with as much as I’ve saved up stripping cars for my uncle – or racing legally – won’t be enough tuition for NYU.

I’m depleted. My energy is low, but I got my girl by my side wearing my letterman.

The night’s still young. Good things can still happen.

I walk her to Zoey’s jeep, then spin her around before opening the door for a quick kiss. Big eyes look up at me, cheeks pink from the cold breeze. I know she can feel what I’m feeling, but just like me, she’s not letting it ruin our time together. “See you tonight?”

“Leave your window open.” I tap my lips to hers, and she sighs happily against me. “I love you, Verity, soon-to-be Carson.”

“To Jupiter and back.” She replies.

After going home to shower and change, it takes me no time whatsoever to get to her place, climb the trellis, open her window, take off my socks, and slip into bed with her. She’s warm and so cute in her little jammies under the blanket when I tug her to me.

“About time,” she says sleepily, and I can hear the smile in her voice when she turns around in my arms, wrapping one of hers around my torso.

It’s ending a day like today like this that tells me I never want to end a day any other way.

Not in anyone else’s arms. I don’t ever want another girl laying on my chest like this.

In the dim glow of her laptop, a gift I got her for her birthday so she can type all her stories up, I take in her profile. I inhale slowly, trying to make my heart stop racing. “You’re so goddamn beautiful, Verity.”

“I got you something.” She says against my chest, every word vibrating.

Running my hand down to her hip, I give her a squeeze. I raise my brows then pin them together, “Is it a marriage license?”

She giggles softly. “No, but… pretty close to it.” She gets up only to reach over into her nightstand and pulls out an envelope. “Here.”

I sit up, and carefully open it, eyeing her suspiciously. It’s two tickets to New York– one leaves on the thirty-first of October; the other doesn’t have a date. My stomach drops, but my heart swells to maximum proportions. “Ver…” I croak out.

“Maybe I’m crazy, but I don’t want to do New York without you. The ticket doesn’t expire until next year. You can come after you graduate.” She explains, but I tug her to me and kiss her so hard she mumbles an ‘ow!’

I shake my head. “I’ll go with you when you leave.”

“Dean, you should graduate.”

“I don’t want to be stuck here without you. I’ll figure it out.”

She blows out a breath and straddles me, her arms on my shoulders, “Okay, but if you change your mind and want to graduate, that’s okay, too.”

We spend the night napping in-between fucks, and at one point, it’s so heated, I know we’re making love. Because that’s what we are. Every fuck turns into that– low hushed whispers, praise falling from each other’s lips in-between kisses, needing more and diving off that cliff together.

Shaking myself out of my memory, I give Bear a quick pat before I throw on my riding jacket, zipping it up to grab my helmet, which feels heavy in my hand.

A boulder. A weight I’m used to feeling on my shoulders.

I step in front of the covered Ninja that’s sitting beside my Harley, and I quickly tug off the tarp.

It took me years to rebuild her, my pride and joy. My winning piece.

When I first got her back, I couldn’t stand the sight of her– busted , like my leg. My future. My life.

I click the button on my keys, the garage door opening behind me, then throw my leg over the seat, kick the stand, shove my key into the ignition, and hear her roar to life, purring under me.

As soon as I’m out, the garage door closes behind me and soon I’m tearing through the street, ready to get back to Verity.

But as I race through town, bypassing the landmarks that have stood still through time, another memory hurtles back to me.

It’s the one I try my damnedest to forget but never can.

“Last race of the season.” Spyder singsongs, stepping around the bike I’m working on now. It ain’t my baby, but it’s someone else’s, so I’m taking care of it.

“Don’t care,” I sing back. I’m covered in grease, my fingers black from where I was trying to get a spark plug unstuck.

The damn thing was practically fused to the engine.

I’m trying to hurry so I can get back to Verity’s for dinner.

I promised her we’d catch a movie afterwards, and I like keeping the promises I make her.

“It’s fifty thousand dollars.”

I stiffen, the possibilities of what I can do with that kind of money are endless, especially now that I’m going to New York with Verity next week. We’d be comfortable for a little while. A nice cushion.

He takes my silence as a sign to continue. Spy shrugs his shoulders; helmet tucked under his arm. I look up at the fucker. Brown skin, brown eyes, brown hair, a little older than me but not by much. “Look, I’ve been winning every race. It’s getting boring. I need a challenge.”

I blow out my breath.

“I’ll give you fifteen K of my own money just for participating. You can keep it, and the prize money if you win.”

Sixty-five thousand dollars.

“Why would you do that?”

“I told you. I’m fucking bored. At first it was fine, lining my pockets like that. But now, it’s boring. And you know what this race means – Waco. That’s where I want to get. But if I win, I want to go because I earned it. Not because everyone else sucks.”

Fuck, I promised her I would keep it legal, but that’s so much money. Just the fifteen grand alone would help out. She wouldn’t have to work. She could just write while I look for work. Shit. I could even probably go to school if I work and put back what I spend. We'd be set.

I scratch at my jaw, knowing I’m getting more grease on it, but goddamn. Sixty-five K.

“Think about it,” Spy says, putting his helmet on and exits the shop.

I throw my tools on the ground, exhaling sharply.

I round the last bend of the hill, past the Abernathy farm, and then down her long driveway that’s concrete now– not gravel– and turn off the engine. It’s like a blast from the fucking past when I see her at the screen door, waiting to welcome me inside her mama’s house.

I climb off my bike and pull my keys out, shoving them in my jacket pocket. “Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?”

She grins, the door still between us. “You saw me the day before yesterday.”

“A day too long,” I admit.

Her chin juts to the Ninja behind me. “Is that…?”

I grin, taking off my helmet and setting it on the seat. “Yeah. Took me forever to get her back to where she was but… she’s solid.”

She hums in thought, grinning at me through the screen door as I make my way to her and up the porch steps.

“You gonna keep me waiting on you a little longer or is that your mama’s pot roast I smell?”

“You remember what it smelled like?”

I don’t tell her I stayed when she left and made something of herself.

I don’t tell her I helped Marie around the house once she was gone so she didn’t have to worry.

I don’t tell her I lived in this house while I went to college, thinking I was helping out Marie by doing so.

All in due time. Instead, all I say is, "I remember everything, gorgeous girl.”

Her smile drops a bit but not completely as she opens the screen door, and I make my way inside, not taking my eyes off the little pink sundress she’s wearing that flares at her hips but hugs her chest and torso just right.

I flick my eyes to the pendant on her necklace, and I swear my knees buckle.

Memories of her doodling sunflowers all over her paper during homeroom storm my mind.

I lean over at my desk. “What’s with the sunflowers?”

Her pencil stops, but she doesn’t look at me. “They’re… infinite.”

“Explain.”

She taps at the center of the flower. “The flower’s head is composed of a hundred tiny more,” she says softly. “It’s called a ‘floret.’”