Page 21 of Secrets That Bind Us

“Go on, baby. Spread your pussy for me. Fuck, you’re so beautiful, Verity.

” And she is. Rosy cheeks, big doe eyes, brown hair around her shoulders, tits out, thighs spread, and her shaved pussy glistening for me.

Only me. “Touch yourself, baby. I want to watch you come for me. I’ll clean it all up with my tongue, I promise. ”

She gasps when her finger swirls over her little nub. I praise her, stroking my length, watching her play, learning where to touch and the rhythm she likes by doing so.

Unlike other girls, she isn’t putting on a show for me.

She’s quiet in her pleasure, but expressive.

God, I love it – love her. I want her always like this.

Only showing me what’s mine. She’s so pretty.

So perfect. Her honey eyes are on my dick.

With every little breathy sigh of hers, I groan, quickening when she does.

“Dean, I-“

I quirk a brow, “Just think about the way my tongue licks your pussy. Put a finger in… fuck yes, Verity. Swirl it around your clit and back in.” Because I know her body better than she does. “There you go, deeper, baby. Mmhmm.”

“Dean…” she whines.

I switch hands and I’m actually grateful for once that I’m left-handed. “You need me, baby?”

“ Yes .”

I push the center console up with my elbow, and lick my fingers, reaching over to play with her.

“Keep playing with your clit. Don’t stop.

” I plunge my finger into her wet heat, only going as far as that little tab of skin will let me.

I'll be breaking it soon. She hasn't fucked that Jared guy yet, ‘cause she knows she belongs to me.

“Oh my god.”

“Ain't no god here. Just me baby. Only say my name.”

Her hips buck as I fuck my fist, and I feel that hot wax feeling rolling down my spine and shooting up too soon. “Come for me, baby. Be a good fucking girl and come for me so I can come for you.”

Her groan is guttural when she comes with my name in her lips, thighs quivering, inner muscles pulsating around my finger. I cum all over my hand, my steering wheel, and my boxers.

And it’s days like this, learning from each other all over again, when I command her to break up with him.

But all she does is stay silent. I know I’m pushing her away, and I’m at a loss.

I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say that'll make her admit she still loves me.

I constantly feel like a caged animal, ready to pounce on the hand that feeds.

I’m terrified of losing her again. I’m terrified of fucking up.

Until Zoey’s birthday party, right before Thanksgiving break, that Zoey is hosting at her house.

It’s during the day and on a Saturday, since the Campbell’s are leaving town to visit family, and they all look like happy fucking turkeys together.

Zoey, Evan, Micah, Verity, Jockstrap, and a few other friends.

Where I’m not invited. Except I show up.

Because I live across the street, and I watched most of them drive up together.

I crash the party, and the tension is high.

I demand her to break up with him in front of everyone– so sick and tired of sneaking around, of having to pretend like we’re strangers when we’re anything but.

And when she tells me they aren’t together, that he prefers men, I stupidly tell him to prove it.

Jockstrap smirks, grabs me by the collar of my shirt, and fucking kisses me with a loud smack and partial tongue.

The room goes silent.

Stunned.

“Well, I wasn’t gonna suck his dick.” He smirks. As flabbergasted as I am, and angry at Verity, I decide I like Jake. So when the room laughs, I shake his hand. Well fucking played. I turn to look at Verity, but she’s gone, the screen door closing softly behind her.

She’s not dressed up today. She’s in a hoodie, beanie, jeans and little black fur boots. She looks so soft and cozy and warm and all the great things that are her. I follow her out, careful not to let the door slam, ‘cause I know Mrs. Campbell will have my ass.

“Be my girlfriend.” I demand. It’s all I can even think to say, because even in my anger, I forgive her.

I will always forgive her.And I’m not sure if that’s love or obsession or a mixture of both.

All I know is that I’m going fucking insane and I know I won’t feel right until she’s mine again.

Until I can hold her hand and watch the stars zoom by.

I won’t feel normal until she whispers, ‘I love you,’ in that Verity way, while she’s in my arms and every day that passes by that she doesn’t makes me feel like I’m slowly rotting on the inside, silently eating me alive.

She’s the only thing that takes away that feeling. She’s the dancing fireflies in my dark meadow. The dashing stars and planets in my night sky. My moon.

Verity sighs heavily, looking at the ground. “It’s not that simple, Dean.”

“But it is.” I argue.

Amber eyes peer up at me and I step closer to her. She crosses her arms like a barrier over her heart – to keep me away. Guarding herself from me. “Are you going to stop racing on Devil's Night?”

I don’t respond.

She nods.

“Verity, stop. This is ridiculous. You and I belong together. It’s always been you for me.”

And she rolls her eyes, heaving out a puff of fog.

“God, Dean, of course it’s me. You thought Jake and I were together, and it made you want me more– to prove to me that you’re the one for me.

Now that you’re done being a human enema, fucking everyone and their mother,”- I wince.

Fuck, she knows about Mrs. Myers. “ Of course you want to claim that it’s been us all along.

The stupid thing? I’m not even asking you to stop racing, I'm asking you to race legally . Despite what you said to me that night, I stood on the sidelines like a good little angel , and I watched you. You’re good .

You could make it professionally if you don’t make it to the NFL.

But then what? You’re going to be surrounded by gorgeous women all the time– more than you are now– and I’m still just me, Dean.

I still like to just… sit in my room and listen to music, or lay in bed watching old movies, or sit at boring coffee shops and read books. ”

I shake my head. “If only you could see what was in my heart.”

“You.” She whispers so softly I hardly hear it. “ You are in your heart. I know this because it’s been over a year, and you still haven’t apologized. You had me in your clutches the past three months, and that’s all you cared about. What if Jake and I were to have actually been together?”

“You can’t put that shit on just me, you lied to me.”

“You’re right. I did.” She says pensively with a few nods and drops her hands to her hips.

“I begged you to leave him. Every time.”

“And then what?”

“Why are you being like this?”

“ And then what , Dean? I’m going to New York. You’re going to race or go to some other college to play football. And then what?”

“We’ll make it work. I’ll find a college in New York. I’ll…” I stop talking when she scoffs and shakes her head at me dismissively.

“Long distance doesn’t always work. Sure, you’ll call…

at first. ‘Til one of your buddies finally drag you out. Then you’ll call less, claim to be busy.

Then one night, you’ll get drunk at a college party after being peer pressured.

Sleep with some girl you don’t even know.

And then you’ll have to tell me and break my heart all over again. ”

I shake my head rapidly. “You don’t know that.”

“Don’t I? I mean just look at what happened over the summer, Dean. I mended my broken heart by keeping to myself. You got over me by nailing anyone whose name ended in every available vowel.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. I didn’t get over you. There is no getting over you for me, Verity. They didn’t mean anything!”

She rolls her eyes and crosses her arms over her chest. “I’m tired, Dean.” Her honey eyes finally find mine and I see it. The pain I caused her.

“You want me to apologize? Fine . I’m sorry.

I’m so fucking sorry I hurt you, I shouldn’t have said what I said about you or your mom.

I love your mom, Ver.” And I want to continue, but my heart is cracking because I can see it in her eyes.

She’s done with me. But I have to try. She can’t be done with me.

“Her. You. The best thing that’s ever happened to me was sitting around your dining room table, feeling like I had a real family.

Your friends treating me kindly, being… real .

I’ll… I’ll stop racing. I’ll… I’ll do it legally.

I’ll find a college near you. I’ll-“ and there, on Zoey’s front porch, I fall to my knees before Verity, wrap my arms around her waist, put my head on her tummy and clutch her to me to hide my tears.

But my voice cracks anyway. “I can read books.”

I want her soul. I want her soul. I want her soul .

I n e e d it. I clutch tighter, grasping at the body she allowed me to worship.

Every kiss, every touch, every soft sigh bounces in my mind, b r e a k i n g me.

But I would shatter a million times for her.

I know it. I can feel it in every beat of my heart. The one she owns.

She sobs. “Oh, God, help me.” Her voice cracks, and the shattered pieces of her soul hook into mine like talons.

She caresses my head, and when I look up at her, she’s looking at the ceiling for strength, tears gathering at her jaw as they continue their steady pace down her throat.

But she still doesn’t look at me. “You’re going to have the best life, Dean. ”

“No.” I grit out between clenched teeth.

“Not without you, baby. Not without you by my side, reading to me, teaching me how you need to be loved. Not without you as my wife, wearing my nana’s ring.

A mother to my children. Savannah. Noah.

I have it all planned out. You’ll be a best-selling author, and I’ll be in the NFL, and our kids will know what a real family is.

And I won’t ever want anyone but you and them.

Our family. Damn the jersey chasers. Damn everyone that isn’t us, because it is us, Verity.

It’s you and me. Look at me, baby, please .

” I beg her good heart- her beautiful heart- to please listen to me.

And she does. Mascara running from her wet lashes down her rosy cheeks, brows furrowed. But it’s no use. I’ve somehow gone and fucked it up– pushed her away again.I can see it in her vacant eyes.

Dean Carson, forever the fuck up.

I wish that wasn’t true. I wish, I wish, I wish to God I was different. “Let me prove it. Please, baby.” I sniff, kissing her tummy. The place that will one day grow my babies. “Please?”

“Okay, Dean, okay.”

But I know it’s a lie. I let myself believe it. Because for her, I’ll be the man she needs me to be. Marriage, kids– that’s all for later. For now, all I can do is prove it.

Except when we get back to school, Verity isn’t anywhere to be seen.

I learn from the rumor mill that her dad beat them both, spent a few nights in jail, and was bailed. Even Mrs. B looks concerned.

Verity doesn’t answer my calls. Every now and then, she’ll reply to my texts. But other than that… it’s silence.

When she comes back, all she does is study harder than ever.

Escorted by Micah. Zoey. Evan. Evelyn. Mrs. Bryant.

The principal. Jake sometimes picks her up, and she goes straight home.

But she’s mostly around Micah. I don’t even see her in the cafeteria or the library.

There’s always a textbook in her hands– classes we aren’t taking.

Winter break comes and goes, and it’s still silent.

I enter my first legal race in the spring and only win two-hundred bucks.

But it feels good. Honest . I play baseball during the Spring season, and where she normally plays softball, she doesn’t this season.

I keep my head down, keeping my grades up to make sure that if I don’t get a football scholarship, I can still get partial grants. I’ll follow her anywhere.

I look up schools in New York and Jersey – even Massachusetts.

I pay attention.

She looks exhausted, gaunt. Miserable, but determined. I learn later she’s been eating her lunches with Mrs. B. Why? I have no clue. All I know is, she’s no longer in any junior classes except AP English.

It’s like she’s disappearing in front of my very eyes.

“And then what, Dean? I’m going to New York…”