Page 51 of Scrap Metal & Love Reforged

An awkward silence spread between us. My eyes focused on Seth and how he kept flipping his phone over and over between his fingers. If he apologized, would I forgive him? Maybe. I didn’t like to think about that, though. It was bizarre how easy I could see myself accepting this one transgression, agreeing to work through this situation, and eventually, forgiving and forgetting. But I couldn’t do that. I had to be strong. For all I knew, this situation had taught him nothing.

After all, he hadn’t offered an apology, despite the growing crevasse of quiet between us. He could have said something at any time. I sighed. “I have to get back to work,” I said. “The oil won't change itself.”

“Yeah, I guess not,” Seth said. “It was good seeing you. I'm sorry you didn’t win, but I hope you take the next one.”

“Yeah, thanks, so do I.”

But I doubted I would. Maybe that was defeatist, but I had to be realistic. If there was one thing that my relationship with Seth had taught me, it was that I had a lot of bad luck. And maybe I wouldn’t have even gotten in this situation if I hadn’t dared, for the first time in so long, to believe that something might gorightfor once.

It took all my willpower to turn away from him and walk back into the garage. Despite where my thoughts had gone, I couldn’t help feeling ridiculous. I reallycoulddo with being a little more optimistic. If there was one thing I could thank Seth for, it was his outlook on life. He’d taught me that some things really were just beyond my control. Maybe if I kept working and trying, that would be enough.

Chapter Twenty

Troy

The thing about the garage was that it was either feast or famine. We were either drowning in work or bored out of our minds. I sat behind the counter, scuffing my shoe against the chair leg. Behind me, Janet was reading what looked like a trashy romance novel—judging by the heroine’s mostly exposed chest and her apparent inability to keep her tongue in her mouth. She loved that stuff and left the books lying everywhere about as tasteful as a pin-up calendar. I’d never understood the appeal; they were all so formulaic and predictable.

I’d told her that once, and she pointed out that cars and machines were predictable too. For the most part. I’d been forced to concede she had a point, and maybethatwas why she liked them so much. With those books, there was always a guarantee that things would work out.

“Hey, Janet,” I said.

She glanced up from her book. “Yeah?”

“Can I…ask you for a bit of advice?”

There was a time when I would’ve messaged Godofdiscord about this kind of thing, but that wasn’t possible anymore. I wondered, though, if part of the reason I’d been so willing to talk to Seth online was because there hadn’t been a face to the name. But Godofdiscord wasn’t really the Seth I’d come to know. And maybe I should’ve realized that. It was easy to hide all your flaws online.

“Sure,” Janet said. “What’s up?”

“So, I’m interested in someone. We were together for a while,” I said, “Things were good, you know?.”

I paused, considering my next words. I wasn’t ready to be out yet at work. Even though my sister had taken it well and agreed to keep my sexuality a secret from our parents, I knew not everyone would accept it so easily. And I wasn’t ready for my coworkers to know.

“And then,” I said carefully, “Things sort of fell apart.”

“That sucks,” Janet said bluntly.

“Yeah, it does.”

Janet lowered her book and wedged her finger between the pages, keeping her place. I knew, then, that I had her undivided attention.

“Anyway, what went wrong was that—well, this person did something dishonest. I don’t really want to get into too many details, but that’s what happened,” I said, “And I’m trying to decide if it’s worth continuing the relationship. Trying to rekindle it, you know?”

Janet whistled between her teeth. “Some mistakes can be forgiven and some can’t,” she said, sounding as profound as the heroines in those cheesy novels. “I guess it’s just a matter of you figuring out ifthismistake was bad enough that you can’t forgive it. I can’t really do that for you.”

That made perfect sense, but it told me nothing. “But that’s where I’m having trouble,” I said. “I don’tknowhow to tell if it’s something I can forgive.”

Janet shrugged. “When you saydishonest, do you mean somethingillegal?”

“No, no,” I replied. “Nothing like that. It was just…lying, I guess. Keeping secrets.”

I wondered if I made the whole situation sound stupid, wording it like that, calling what Seth had donelying. Technically, it was, but it was much more than that.

“Okay, so I wouldn’t like that,” Janet said, “But I guess it’s really just a balance of risk and reward. Does she seem sorry, at least?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t really asked, but I haven’t gotten an apology, either.”

Janet nodded. She pursed her lips, seemingly giving the situation a significant amount of thought. At least she was taking my situation seriously. “It sounds like you ought to talk about it together, then,” Janet replied. “Make your decision after that. If I’ve learned anything about romance, it’s that falling in love is easy, but staying in love and building a relationship is the real challenge. No one is perfect, though. I think you need to figure out if this problem is something that you can live with.”