Page 45 of Scrap Metal & Love Reforged

“Okay…?” Skye asked, clearly confused. “And…?’

It wasn’t too late, but this was closer than I’d ever gotten to telling my sister I was gay. It seemed a shame to waste getting so close. It seemed cowardly.

“I liked him,” I said.

I couldn’t look at her. This would be impossible to do if I actuallylookedat my sister and saw the expression on her face.

“Reallyliked him. Maybe evenlovedhim.”

My sister breathed in sharply and audibly. I glanced down and found her twisting our grandmother’s ring again. “In love with him?” she asked quietly.

“Yeah, I… I’ve been attracted to guys for a while.”

“Oh, God.”

I tensed and finally dared look at her. She didn’t look upset, but it was difficult to say how shedidlook. Maybe a little confused, startled.

“Since high school,” I said, “And I just… I didn’t tell anyone except Jackson. Remember the night he died? He was taking me to a party. It was to meet a guy I had a crush on.”

Skye let out a slow puff of air. “You’ve known you were gay for that long and didn’t tell me?” she whispered.

My sister didn’t sound accusatory, just sort of… contemplative, as if she were trying to work out how this all fitted together, like it was some great puzzle that she couldn’t quite solve.

“Yeah. I wanted to, but I was just worried. About what might happen.” I sighed. “And I felt like I—I don’t know. Like if I’d told everyone, Lance wouldn’t have been killed.”

For a long moment, Skye was silent. She even stopped twisting the ring on her finger. It was as if time had stopped, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted it to start again.

“Please, say something,” I said. The silence was unbearable. “For God’s sake, youhaveto understand how much this is for me toadmit. You have to get how hard this is.”

But no, how could she? I knew she didn’t. I wanted her to understand, but that didn’t make it so. Skye had always been the one who was perfect, never making any unexpected turns. She’d never needed to hide what she really felt or what she was like, either.

“I get it. I’m just…surprised. But it’s fine, you know?”

“Fine.”

The word swept over me like a spring breeze.Fine. The weight of the world lifted off my shoulders, gone in an instant.Fine. I almost laughed with relief.

“So, you’re gay?” she asked. “Or bi?”

“Yeah. Pretty sure it’s gay. I’ve never been attracted to a woman.”

I waited to see if she’d argue or try to refute that. Ihaddated a couple of girls in high school before I’d realized I was gay, and I’d lied to her about having found a girl. I dug my fingers into the floral bedspread beneath me and tried to keep myself together. Eventually, Skye nodded slowly and let out a high-pitched, little laugh. “Well, I guess I shouldn’t have tried to match you with somany female friends over the years, huh? You could sell tickets to a night like that.”

“Probably not,” I replied. “You meant well.”

When I looked at my sister, her face was soft. “So that’s why it upset you so much. You were in love with him, and he lied to you. I can see why you’d leave. You wererightto leave,” she replied. “I would’ve kicked him to the curb, too. Except he probably owns the curb.”

Yeah, she’d have kicked him to the curb, but I knew, too, she’d have cried afterwards. And when she finally managed to stop her tears, she would’ve gone to the store, bought chocolates and flowers to make herself feel better, and spent the next few days barely leaving the sofa, swearing off men, and watching more Hallmark films.

There was no way I was going to do that. But damn, did I getwhyshe’d always respond that way? No matter how hard I tried to hate Seth, no matter how betrayed I felt, Istillwanted to be with him. It was so frustrating and stupid and illogical, that I just wanted to scream and maybe kick something.

“Yeah, thanks.”

Skye leaned her cheek against my shoulder, her hair tickling my neck. Whatever she used in her hair smelled floral, and it reminded me of the inside of a funeral home. Embalming fluid? But the gesture was appreciated. It had been a while since we really felt like siblings.

“Hey, though,” I said, “I don’t want to tell Mom and Dad yet. I will eventually. Just not now.”

Come to think of it, not having Seth in my life meant I could hold off tellinganyonefor a lot longer. There was a time when I probably would’ve been happy about that, when I would’ve considered that a blessing. But now, it really just hurt.