Page 41 of Scrap Metal & Love Reforged

I leaned forward, putting my elbows on my knees. My gaze was fixed on the darkened TV, wreathed by the city lights behind it. This would be harder to get out if I looked directly at him; I knew that instinctively. “I asked him to take me to a party. There was this guy I really liked, and he was hosting the party. My brother Lance was the only person whom I’d told I was gay, and he agreed to take me. He was always really supportive. So, I went to the party, and my brother drove home. He was going to pick me up later, but he died in a car accident on the way.”

I took a steadying breath and dug my nails into my palms, as if the sharp sting could dull the memory. For a long time, I said nothing. Seth waited in silence. I felt his eyes on me without even looking up.

“So,” I continued, “I spent a lot of time blaming myself. Jackson’s death was devastating for everyone, and I really felt like it was my fault. If I hadn’t wanted to go to that party, he wouldn’t have been out. He wouldn’t have died.”

“But you couldn’t have known that would happen,” Seth said gently. “You must realize that it reallywasn’tyour fault. Sometimes bad things happen to good people, and there’s nothing you can do. Your brother’s death was one of them.”

“I know that,” I said, forcing down the lump that rose in my throat, “But it’s still so hard. And I didn’t realize just how much my brother held us all together until he was gone.”

“I can’t even imagine how that must’ve felt.”

I forced a smile, although I wasn’t sure why. Maybe I wanted to reassure Seth that he was doing the right thing or giving me good counsel. “Yeah, that’s what most people say. Those I’ve spoken to about it.”

Admittedly, that wasn’t many people at all. I tried not to bring up Lance with my family, so, aside from my high school guidance counselor, I’d never really mentioned my brother to anyone. Not even to any people online. And there was something liberating in letting it all out now and in knowing Seth wouldn’t judge me for any of it.

I let out a breath of air with a loud rush. “So that’s what’s up with me.”

“That’s a lot,” Seth said. “It must be hard on you, shouldering all that.”

“Sometimes,” I replied. “It’s strange. I’ll go for weeks without thinking of him, and then, sometimes, he’s all I can think about. There’s just so much tied up with him.”

“I can imagine,” Seth said, “And for what it’s worth, if you ever need to talk about it, talk to me. I know there’s nothing I can do to make it better, but I listen with the best of them.”

“Thank you,” I muttered.

Seth nodded. “Anyway, it’s late,” he said. “I think I’m going to head on to bed, but if you need anything, let me know. I changed the sheets before you came, and I put a spare toothbrush in the bathroom. Feel free to raid the fridge.”

“Thanks,” I said.

Seth opened his mouth like he meant to say something further, but then closed it without a word. He smiled and stood. “Good night.”

“Good night.”

My heart thundered against my ribs, as he walked past. Being here with him felt like being thrust into another world, like we were tiptoeing into a romantic relationship, toeing the linewithout actually committing. And now more than ever, I felt as though we ought to commit, as though I ought to finally come out and tell Seth exactly how much I’d been thinking about him.

Argh! I just couldn’t bring myself to do it—not yet.

Chapter Sixteen

Seth

One thing I should have seen coming: Troy wasn't about to abandon his online friends just because he moved in with me. That was three weeks ago, and now, my pulse jumped any time he picked up his phone. I sat at my laptop,Discordpulled open. I could see the flashing dots, indicating Troy was typing, and when I looked over my screen, he was—in fact—seated in a chair across the room, phone in hand.

“So, I’ve moved in with this guy,”

I took a sip of my soda. I really should’ve told Troy everything already, but now, I felt like I’d gotten past some point of no return and couldn’t go back. And he’d just moved in with me. This was his home now. If I told him, he'd be furious. And he'd be right. Then, he’d either be upset and leave or he’d stay, and it would be so,soawkward for both of us.

“Oh?”I typed.

For now, I was stuck. It wasn’t as if Godofdiscord could suddenly fall off the face of the Earth after chatting with Troyonline for going on a year now. God, I reallywasliving up to that cursed username.

After a few seconds, “Yeah, and it’s pretty nice, actually. I appreciate that he doesn’t mind me bringing my junk assemblage stuff in and leaving it out everywhere.”

My eyes trailed to Troy’s current work-in-progress, which graced the corner of the room. The shining metal was bathed in the orange-red light of the sun setting over Bluehaven. It was pretty, really.

“And I think that maybe I’m being unfair to him,”Troy continued.

I winced and lowered my head behind the computer screen. Troy wasn’t being unfair. He’d been great. I was the one who kept lying to him and stringing him along.