Page 5 of Saving Tracey (Finding Hope #1)

Chapter Three

A s soon as I walked into my house after I got home from school, I could tell that something was wrong. I quietly shut the front door behind me, taking in the silence, hoping to God that the instinct in my stomach was wrong and that no one was home.

Then, I heard my mother's scream of pain.

I winced, my heart pounding erratically in my chest. I knew exactly what he was doing to her, and I knew just how much it hurt.

I tiptoed down the hall to my room and gently set my school bag on the floor, praying and hoping that he wouldn't realize I was at home yet. Sighing softly, I looked at the blood stains on my floor.

Some things you just couldn't get rid of, no matter how hard and long you scrubbed at them.

No matter how many times I scrubbed myself until my skin was blood red, I couldn't get rid of the feeling of his hands on me, just like I couldn't get the blood stains out of my carpet, no matter how long and hard I scrubbed at them.

I sat on my bed and dropped my head into my hands, listening to my mother sob and cry in the other room, begging him to stop hurting her.

I hated the life that I was forced to live.

I just wanted out of it, but I knew that my mother had a second sense for when I was trying to commit suicide, and she would only come to stop the process.

My heart pounded in my chest, nausea swirling in my stomach when I heard my parent's bedroom door open. I tensed up, holding my breath—terrified. My dad stepped into my room—naked. I quickly looked away from him, swallowing down the vomit that rose in the back of my throat.

His footsteps echoed off the walls as he walked toward me, shoving me backward on my bed. "No!" My voice hurt from screaming at him, my throat sore. Tears streaked down my cheeks.

His face contorted with rage at my defiance, and his fist connected with my rib cage with a bruising, punishing blow, making me release a pain-filled scream.

I watched with wary eyes as Kaleb sauntered up to me, a smile on his face. "Our deal is still on, right?"

"Sadly.” I rolled my eyes in annoyance.

He rolled his eyes at my response as well, but he didn't say anything more. I walked beside him toward the library, where he chose a table near the back, away from the librarian who seemed to have ears like a hawk. She hated any kind of noise.

It was one of the reasons I loved coming here.

We sat down, and it took everything in me to keep my pain from flashing across my face. My dad had definitely done a fucking number on me yesterday, and I was really feeling it today.

"How can you stand to always be alone?" I turned wide, shocked eyes to his face, not expecting his question. "I feel like I would go crazy if I didn't have friends."

Oh, he had no idea. It was always lonely, and it sucked.

"You get used to it," I shrugged, only to regret the movement afterward.

Fuck, my entire body hurt.

Kaleb smiled. "Well, I'll be your friend." I choked on my spit, staring at him incredulously, my eyes wide with shock. "You know me well enough, right?"

Hatred filled my eyes once the shock wore off. Honestly, after what I had just endured the night before, I would have loved nothing more than to have a friend that I could confide in, but I couldn't. Talking to Kaleb, even for school-related purposes, was dangerous enough.

If my dad found out about this . . . Fuck, I didn't even want to begin to think about that scenario.

"I don't want friends." I had to force myself to come off cold and angry.

He shrugged as if I hadn't just told him no.

"I've had a lot of time to think after our conversation yesterday, and I really think you need a friend to help that hostile attitude of yours.

" I narrowed my eyes at him, my anger rising.

"You need a new view on life. Who better to help you than me? " He gestured to himself.

I clenched my gloved fists in my lap. "I don't need help." My hackles were rising. "My views on life are perfectly fucking fine."

Kaleb released a low whistle, arching an eyebrow. "Man, you've got a temper. I really think you could use a friend. You'd feel better."

Did he not know when to call something quits?

And no, I wouldn’t feel better. Having a friend meant hiding thousands of secrets. That would only make me even more miserable than I already was, knowing that my 'friend' would trust in me completely, and yet, I would be lying out of my ass ninety-nine percent of the time.

That wasn't friendship.

I shook my head at him. "I really wouldn’t.” I rolled my neck around, fighting a grimace. “Aren't you supposed to be learning about me instead of trying to become my damn friend?"

Kaleb just shrugged. "I talked to my mom about you.

" My throat closed up in fear. This was the very last thing that I needed.

"She said that I would learn more about you and your ways by trying to be your friend than I would asking a thousand random questions, so here I am, trying to be your friend.

" He shrugged. “I have to admit that she was kind of right.”

I drew in a deep breath to calm the fear that had risen in me when he'd told me he had talked to his mom about me. I sighed through my nose in irritation. I knew this assignment meant nothing but trouble for me.

When I had agreed to this, I hadn't thought I would have to go through this torture.

Kaleb couldn't be my friend. For one, he was Kaleb Brinson, the star sports player, the star student, etc.

I was just, well . . . me.

Besides, my life didn't have any room for friends.

Hell, I couldn't allow it. I was beaten and raped almost every day of my life, and I couldn't allow that secret to get out.

One moment of security, and I was afraid everything may fly out of my mouth—all of my secrets, everything I had worked so hard to keep hidden.

If I was going into an early grave, I was going by my own choice—not by my father's.

"I don't need you or anyone else trying to be my friend. I'm perfectly fine by myself."

He shook his head at me, not agreeing. "No one is perfectly fine by themselves, Tracey." He was clearly getting agitated. "I know deep down you feel that loneliness. I bet deep down, somewhere inside of you, you wish you had someone that you could tell everything to—all of your secrets."

Oh, he had no idea, but that was a luxury I couldn't have for myself.

I wanted to have someone I could confide in, but I knew what that would result in.

I concluded two years ago that the only thing I needed to confide in was death, not a damn thing else.

Death didn't open his mouth, didn't feel the need to accidentally spill secrets.

You met Death, and everything was silent—peaceful.

I shook my head at him, desperate to get him to see my side of things. "No. I don't feel lonely." I really did. "I don't wish I had someone I could tell everything to." I really wish I had someone.

"You're such a stubborn person, Tracey, you know that?" Kaleb sighed. Finally, he was coming around to my way of thinking. "My friends would love to hang out with you."

I shot my gaze up to his, my eyes wide with fear, my throat closing up with panic. He couldn't possibly get all of his friends to bother me, could he? I couldn't risk that someone would notice anything. I was already risking too much by sitting here with him as it was.

Why did this stupid teacher have to assign this stupid project?!

"If your friends come anywhere near me, I will not help you complete this project." My voice was harsh, but I didn’t care. I clenched my fists in my lap, imagining the panic and fear contained in my small fists.

I meant every word. I couldn't allow anyone else to talk to me, to be able to scrutinize me and every mood I made, everything that I did, and every facial expression that crossed my features.

He put his hands up in the air in a defensive gesture. "Okay, okay, I get it." I breathed a slow sigh of relief. A smile slowly slipped onto his face, instantly putting me on guard. "You'll only be friends with me."

What?!

"I didn't agree to be your friend!” My voice was loud, and I was agitated. I didn’t give a fuck that I was still sitting in the library. "Do you not understand any of the words that have been coming out of my mouth?!"

He grinned. "You're a little spitfire thing, aren't you?" He completely avoided the fucking question.

I just wanted him to give up on the notion of ever being my friend! It could never happen!

"Look," I had to force my jaw to unclench so I could speak, "I agreed to answer your questions, not be your fucking friend."

He shook his head at me and waggled his finger side to side in front of my face.

I glared at him in annoyance, tempted to smack his hand away.

"No, you agreed to hang out with me. Not answer questions.

" I gritted my teeth, hating that he was right.

"Therefore, I can learn about you in any way that I see fit. "

I ran a hand through my straight brown hair, feeling more and more frustrated with every word that came out of his mouth. Did he have a comeback for everything that came out of my mouth? I rarely talked to people, so I was running out of things to say to him!

"I don't like you. I don't want anything to do with you, and I sure as hell don't want to be your blasted friend!"

He didn't even seem fazed by my words anymore like he had been the last couple of days.

"Do you really think that I didn't expect you to react like this?

" I threw my arms up in the air in exasperation, making him chuckle lightly.

He leaned closer to me across the table we were sitting at, and I jerked away, pressing my back into the back of the chair.

Please don't come any closer.

"Why can't you just leave me alone?" I swallowed hard as sweat broke out over my back in reaction to his close proximity. "You're frustrating."