Page 24 of Saving Tracey (Finding Hope #1)

Fuck me—I was in love with Tracey .

I walked up the stairs to my room and slid into the dark room quietly. She was still sleeping, clutching my pillow to her chest like it was her lifeline.

Fuck, she was doing crazy things to me.

TRACEY

My eyes flew open, sweat making my clothes stick to my skin disgustingly. I threw the sheets off of me and scrambled out of bed, desperately trying to keep myself from panicking as the flashback pushed against my mind.

The door to the adjoining bathroom opened, and Trevor stepped out, a towel around his waist, drying his hair with another. He looked up at me when he stepped into the room, automatically noticing my panicked expression. "You okay?"

I blew out a breath, turning away from him.

I nodded mutely. I was hyper-aware of him coming up behind me, so I was ready when he placed his hands on my hips, pulling me back against him.

My breath hitched in my throat when I felt his bare, muscular torso press against me, still warm from his shower, but dry.

"Baby, you can look at me, you know that right? " He kissed the top of my head.

I nodded in answer, thankful that the flashback went away for now. He turned me around slowly, so I was looking at his bare chest. I didn't want to look up into his face.

When a man is naked in front of you, Tracey, you are meant to pleasure him .

I cringed, moving to step back from Trevor. All I could hear was his voice, telling me what to do and how best to do it.

Fuck, I felt like being sick .

"Tracey—" I shook my head, cutting him off.

I continued to move away from him. "Don’t. Just don't. I'm going to take a shower."

I practically ran to the bathroom and slammed the door shut behind me, locking it. I knew a locked door wouldn't keep Trevor away from me if he wanted to be near me, but I just hoped it gave him the message that I didn't want to be bothered.

I stripped out of my clothes, finding disgust in the scars that covered my body as I looked at myself in the mirror. Tears slipped down my cheeks, remembering all of the horrific times that bastard had hurt me.

I needed relief from the emotional pain—something to escape this fucking nightmare.

I desperately scrambled around for something, anything, to relieve the itch to cut. There had to be something in this fucking bathroom that I could use.

"Tracey, what the hell are you doing in there?!”

I ignored him and continued searching. I was desperate. I wanted this all to fucking end. The goddamn memories, the pain, the scars. I wanted them all to just go away.

"You have one fucking second to answer me, Tracey, or I swear to God, I will bust this door in and find out myself.”

I wasn't even really hearing him anymore. I was so lost in what I was doing that everything seemed to fade out around me.

I finally found an old razor under his sink, and I desperately tried getting it out of the plastic surrounding it.

I screamed in fright when the door came crashing in, and Trevor stood in the entrance, his chest heaving up and down, anger morphing his features.

He snatched the razor out of my hand, slicing his palm open in the process. He slung it into the sink.

"What in the fucking hell do you think you're doing?" His eyes were locked on the razor in the sink, not giving a second glance to the fact that I was naked in front of him.

I stepped back from him, fear rising in my chest. I had never seen Trevor so angry around me, but he was really pissed this time.

And for once, he was actually pissed at me.

"You can't keep doing this every time you start feeling down, every time you start fucking remembering shit they did to you!

" Tears blurred my vision. "I know it's fucking hard; I know the pain that fucking deep, dark depressing hole has put you in, but you can't keep fucking giving up, Tracey!” He pushed his good hand through his hair.

“I am right here—right in front of you! You can't keep doing this!

I can't keep turning my back for two goddamn seconds just to turn back around to see you trying to slice your fucking veins open!

" He stepped toward me, bringing his hands up to my face.

I was too nervous and too afraid to give a damn about the blood on his hand.

His face swept down to mine, and he kissed me hard—passionately—his lips molding against mine, and I could feel the desperation in his kiss.

He moved his head back a little, his eyes holding mine.

"Tracey, I fucking love you.” My heart stopped in my chest at his words, and then it began beating insanely fast as my chest swelled with adoration for this incredible guy in front of me.

“If I lose you, I'll lose my damn mind. Please, baby, try.

You've got to try. If you feel down, I am here.

If you need a shoulder to cry on, I am here.

I am always going to be here, baby, because you're fucking everything to me. "

Tears were spilling down my cheeks by the end of his small speech. All of my life, I had been desperate for someone to tell me how they felt, tell me that they really loved me. I was so fucking desperate for someone to care.

Trevor, with all of his demons, all of his worries, all of his battle scars, was standing in front of me, confessing his love, confessing how he felt.

Trevor wanted me, and there was no doubt about it. His words rang with absolute honesty.

I collapsed against his bare chest, wrapping my arms around his waist tightly, bawling my eyes out.

He wrapped his arms around me securely, holding me tight to him.

He ran his fingertips up and down my bare back, his arms flexing around me.

"I'm here, baby. I'm not going anywhere.

We will fight this together. You will come out strong and fierce. You will overcome this, baby."

I looked up at him, and he wiped some of my tears off of my cheeks. "Promise?"

He nodded, leaning down to kiss me. "I promise."