Page 89 of Saving His Heart

“I’m fine,” I say bitterly.I’m not the one dying. Ignoring his pleading looks, I climb back into my spot beside Preston and close my eyes again.

I hear a phone ring and a whispered hello, followed by the sounds of someone leaving the room.

After a few minutes, I sense someone behind me, so I lift my head and find Lanie. Dexter is rounding the bed to sit on the other side.

“Ems, can I talk to you for a minute?” Lanie asks. Her pained expression has me sitting up.

“Sure, are you okay?”

“We, we need your opinion. Tate is begging Julia’s mom to bring him to see Preston. We’ve told him in a roundabout way what is going on, but we don’t know the right answer. How old should a kid be before you allow them to witness something like this? He really wants to talk to Preston. We just don’t know if it is the right thing to do.”

Shaking my head, I attempt to remove the cobwebs that have settled in my brain. I try to focus and remember what I have told patients in the past, but this isn’t a patient. This is family, so I speak from the heart.

“I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer, Lanie. You’re his mom. You guys know him best and what he can handle. I think you have to go with what your gut is telling you. When my stepmother passed away, we couldn’t afford a service, but I knew my sisters needed closure, so I created a service in our back yard. I knew they needed the chance to say good-bye to her. I wish I could give you a more definitive answer, but I think you have to go with your heart. What is it telling you?”

“That we have to let him say his good-byes,” Lanie says sadly. The pain of knowing your child will experience heartbreak and also knowing you can do nothing about it is written all over her face. “Do you mind if we bring him in?”

“Of course not, Lanie. Whatever you need to do.”

Had I known giving Lanie that advice would also cause the most heart wrenching moment in our lives, I may have tried a different approach.

Day 3

“Hi, Auntie Ems,” a chipper, unfamiliar voice wakes me with a start.

Opening my eyes, I see Tate standing in front of Dexter.

“Sorry, we didn’t mean to wake you,” Dex apologizes.

“Auntie Ems, can I climb up?”

“No, buddy, I don’t—”

“It’s okay, Dex,” I interrupt. “Sure, buddy. Come on up, just be careful of Preston’s IV over there.”

“Got it,” he says happily before Dex lifts him onto the bed. “I’m so excited to have another auntie. I’m going to have the best sleepovers with you and Uncle Preston.”

I look to Dexter, alarmed.Didn’t they tell him what’s happening?

“We’ve talked to him, but GG put some other thoughts in his head, and we’re having a hard time explaining reality,” he tells me while glaring in GG’s direction.

“Yeah, it’s okay, Auntie Ems. Uncle Preston isn’t going to die. He is just waiting for a knight’s heart. See?” he asks, handing me a playing card with a king of hearts.

“Did you give Preston one of these at the wedding?” I ask, remembering I found one in his wallet when I was looking for his insurance card.

“Yup.” The pure innocence of childhood is fucking killing me right now.

“I’ve got one for you, too. Here.”

Turning it over in my hands, I see the new card is the queen of hearts. “Buddy, this is a king and queen.”

“I know. The knight will give the queen a heart, and then the queen will fix the king. You’ll see. Hi, Uncle Preston. Here, I brought another one just in case. I’m going to stick it on your heart. You just have to wait for Auntie to save you. You’ll be okay, and then we will have an awesome sleepover! I can’t wait. But just me, okay? Could I please have my own sleepover without my brothers and sisters? There’s too many of them. Oh, and I love Auntie Ems. I want to be a doctor just like her someday so I can save people, too. She’s going to save you. I know it. GG showed me. It’s in the cards.”

We all sit in awe as Tate talks to Preston for a full half an hour. We marvel at his innocence and weep at the knowledge we know will break his little heart.

I hold the cards in my hand for hours after Tate leaves.I wish I could have saved you, Preston. I wish more than anything I could save you.

“Mrs. Westbrook,” someone barges into the room, yelling, “Dr. Terry needs you now. You have to hurry.”