Page 77 of Samuel

“Dad can I stay with Aunty Amy and Uncle Elijah one night?” he asked. “Uncle Elijah said I could watch his DVDs of Only Fools.”

My eyes immediately went to my brother and watched as he stopped walking and stared down at Frankie. Elijah blew out a shaky breath and smiled at him.

“Anytime you want to Frankie,” he replied and rubbed a loving hand over Frankie’s hair.

“You need to ask your mum first,” I added, wrapping my arms around him wishing for the time when I didn’t need to say that. When I could confidently tell him what he could or couldn’t do. When I could act like his dad without second guessing myself.

“I’ll ask her now,” Frankie cried enthusiastically.

I laughed and let him go, expecting him to immediately run to Maisie, but he planted a kiss on my cheek and squeezed me tightly. “See you later.”

He jumped down and ran into the house, shouting for his mum with each step.

“Woah,” Elijah said. “I never expected that, to be called Uncle Elijah straight away. He didn’t really call me anything at lunch.”

He stared after Frankie, his smile wide and gleaming.

“He’s certainly settled in well,” Dad said proudly. “You’ve done a good thing son.”

“What abandoning my son for eight years.”

Bella squirmed in Elijah’s arms. “Down Dadda, down.”

“Nope, toilet time.” As Elijah passed me he put a hand on my shoulder. “Don’t beat yourself up too much bro. You fixed it, that’s the main thing.”

As soon as the patio door closed behind Elijah and Bella, Dad leaned forward and laid his hand where Elijah’s had been.

“He’s right, you’ve fixed it now so stop thinking about what you should have done. The past can’t be changed, so don’t waste your energy on it.”

“I let him down, Dad. I let them both down. Fuck, I let all of you down.”

Dad ran a hand over his short cropped hair that was mostly the exact same colour as mine and Elijah’s, and his kind eyes glowed with emotion.

“I’m not going to lie and say you did the right thing,” he replied. “And I’ll admit, me and your mum were hurt that we’d missed out on our grandson, but you’ve got the time now to make it up to him. To him and Maisie, because I’m guessing by the way you look at her that she means something to you as well.”

As he studied me, I shifted in my seat wondering whether I should say the words and possibly build him up for more disappointment. He and Mum seemed to like her, but what if I cocked things up or she really didn’t want me in that way, I’d be letting them down again.

“Sam, son, it’s how you feel, not us,” he said.

I should never have been shocked by his ability to know what I was thinking, but I always was.

“I really care about her Dad, but I was such a prick when Frankie was born, I’m not sure I deserve her even considering having a relationship with me, never mind agreeing to one.”

“So you have asked her?”

I nodded. “I’ve told her that I want to, but she doesn’t trust me and I don’t blame her.”

“She knows deep down you’re a good man, son, she probably just doesn’t want to believe it at the moment.”

“What do I do?”

Dad smiled and sat back in his chair. “You show her and prove to her that you’re who you say you are. That you want to be there for Frankie and for her. You do know though, don’t you, that you won’t get more than one shot at this? You stuff up and that’ll be it.”

“I do.” I nodded. “Maisie said as much.”

“That’s because she’s a good mum,” he replied with a smile. “I couldn’t ask for anyone better for my grandson, or my son for that matter.”

“Except for Amy maybe.” I laughed because we all knew of everyone, she was my dad’s favourite.