Page 24

SEVENTEEN

Missing a man was never on my agenda, but it seemed as though the plans had changed. Every waking second, I was missing him. His voice. His smile. His laughter. His touch. His tongue. His dick.

My period had come and it had gone. It left me craving Israel’s presence even more than I already was. Two weeks away from him felt more like torture than punishment. My attempts to communicate were met with voicemails and read notifications. His absence was frustrating.

And so was Malaya’s. Though I’d heard her voice a hundred times over the last two weeks, it wasn’t the same as seeing her in person, girl time in the bathroom, or movie night in bed on the weekends.

“Rou– did you hear me, baby?”

“Yes, Mom. I heard you.”

She chuckled. “You just called me Mom. You must really be facing the blues.”

“Ugh. I am.”

Richie nor Rhea stressed us to call them by the names of the average parents. It wasn’t always the safest. In public spaces, they preferred being called by their given names, rather it was given to them by their parents or the streets.

Children were the only weakness of most empire builders. Richie wasn’t the exception. So, instead of sharing his joy of becoming a father eight times over, we were his biggest kept secrets until we were able to handle ourselves and anyone who felt like a threat.

“Are you coming?”

“Yes. Rome won’t let me live peacefully if I don’t, baby. I will be there.”

“And, you’ll stay with me, right?”

“If you want. I planned to spend time wi–”

“Me.”

“You’re just lonely right now, Rou. If that man lets you off the leash tomorrow, you won’t even answer the door when I come.”

I laughed, shaking my head. “Yes I will. Because, I wouldn’t want you waiting outside when you can be at Rome’s house resting your feet.”

“See what I’m saying.” She chuckled. “I’m a woman who has experienced love at the highest degree. I know a woman in love when I see one. And, baby, you’re exactly w–”

“I am… I think I am in love. Urgh. I didn’t think I’d ever let someone’s nappy-headed son get to me again.”

“There’s no need to think, baby. Not only are you in love with Israel, but you love his daughter as she is your own as well. I think it’s beautiful, Rou. She will keep you on your toes. You don’t have to worry about the silence with her around.”

“But, I do. She’s so chill. So calm. So laid back.”

“Didn’t she get into Huff Theater School of Dance?”

“Yes. She did. Rome is so excited.”

“Have you forgotten how demanding Rome’s schedule was when she first got into theater and dance?”

“I do.”

“So, again, you won’t have to worry about being bored. She’ll keep you busy enough.”

“I just hope her mother is there to support her as well. Not that Israel and I can’t, but because she needs her. Every girl needs their mother.”

“Every child needs their mother. It didn’t matter how much I showed up for Chem. Catherine was needed every step of the way. Even now he needs her. Just as much as he needs his father. It doesn’t matter how old they get. To a parent, their child will always be a child.”

“Yeah. Dad has been gone for almost three years and I still feel lost without his guidance some days. His death feels so fresh. So new.”

“Grief is so unpredictable.”

“Maybe I should just call and tell Israel I miss my Daddy. That’s the reason I act the way I act.”

There was a long, pregnant pause on the line before we both burst into a tearful chuckle. I swiped my eyes, feeling a weight lifted from my shoulders. Laughter was so good for the soul.

“You acted this way before he passed, Roulette. Don’t lie on my husband.”

“Oh, maybe you have a point.”

“But, I think calling him is a good idea. Maybe today is the day he’ll answer.”

“Maybe.”

“Whenever you talk to him, let him know that I want to meet him. And, regardless of him having you on punishment, I have absolutely nothing to do with that. I expect to see him at dinner after the show.”

“I will be sure to tell him.”

“Thank you. Now, I’m going to get off this phone. Psalms is cooking dinner and I want my food hot when I make it over to their home.”

“Goodnight, Rhea.”

“Goodnight, baby.”

I ended the call with my mother and initiated a new call. I pressed the speakerphone button and laid the phone on my vanity as I reapplied my lip balm. The lemon drop I finished as I applied a light beat and chatted with my mom had stripped away the moisture.

Over.

And over.

And over again .

The phone rang until I was prompted to leave a voicemail. Swallowing every ounce of pride I had within my being, I lifted the phone up to my lips and waited for the beat.

“I’m missing you, Big Fella.”

Replaying the message would remind me that I’d been reduced to asking a man for his attention. I wasn’t ready to face those facts yet. So I disconnected the call without another word.

“Ugh.”

Shame and defeat tasted bitter in my mouth. For the first time in my thirty-one years, I missed a man and I wanted him to know it.

“Shit is gross,” I gagged. “Ugh.”

I stood from my vanity in the platform pumps that projected my feelings effortlessly. In every lifetime, I was that girl. This one wasn’t the exception. I headed downstairs with my glass in my hand. I’d be needing another drink or three.

My silk gown and robe to match swayed with each move I made. The fabric felt breezy against my skin. The breathability of the set was insane. Though it was a gift from Rather, I’d be purchasing more.

I entered my kitchen as the automated lights illuminated my path. From the fridge, I grabbed the ingredients needed for another drink. I placed the mixer underneath the ice machine and pressed down.

It filled quickly with cubed ice. I placed it on the counter next to everything I’d extracted from the fridge. One by one, I poured them into the shaker.

“A little more won’t hurt,” I claimed, tipping the liquor again before placing it on the counter.

As I mixed the lemon drop, I considered the night ahead. Staying home wasn’t optional. I’d spent the better half of my day in my office at the club, but I had every intention of returning. The new structure was working better than I’d imagined.

The money was flowing effortlessly. The clientele was growing slowly. Exclusivity as a perk had everyone talking about their membership and everyone they mentioned it to wanting in. The referrals were endless.

We weren’t in a rush to give new members clearance. The waiting game increased their anticipation and helped them lace their pockets a little more. They’d need the extra funds to keep up with the demands of Roulette .

With the perfectly crafted lemon drop in my hand, I put away the ingredients and strutted into my living room. A call to the girls crossed my mind, but I wasn’t prepared to listen to them clown me about the state of my emotions.

A chuckle fell from my lips at the sound of Royce and Range going back and forth, piggybacking off each other. The fact that they made valid points every time was maddening.

Them bitches make me sick .

“Ugh.”

I was feeling so many things. But, it was vulnerability that peaked my despair. It was as if someone had cut me open with a kitchen knife. Harm wasn’t their intention. Observation was. They preferred me on full display. Mind. Heart. Body.

The chopping block was no fun. I’d put so many men on it for even the smallest inconveniences. Now, here I was. Twiddling my thumb, rubbing my own pussy, and praying a man woke up and decided that my punishment had lasted long enough. Sadly, I was halfway through it and the shackles hadn’t been loosened yet.

Ding.

Dong.

The sound of my doorbell started me. My phone vibrated simultaneously, letting me know there was someone outside of my home. The cameras had picked up on movement. I tapped the screen and accessed the feed to find the Porsche in front of the roundabout in front of my door.

I exited the application and lowered my back on the couch. I kicked my feet in the air as I squealed, lowly, making sure I couldn’t be heard down the hallway and through the front door.

Get it together, girl. Don’t fuck this up. Your pussy is depending on you .

When I was able to compose myself, I raised from the couch and headed to the door. One lock at a time, I twisted until I had completed the puzzle Chemistry considered an extra precaution.

“Roulette!” Malaya’s voice cooled the fire inside of me.

She depleted the distance between us so swiftly that I didn’t quite have time to prepare for the embrace. My drink spilled onto the floor as I accepted the young, vibrant teenager into my home.

“God, I’ve missed you!” She blurted.

My orbs connected with the dark ones on the other side of the lowered, tinted windows of the Porsche. The sun had fallen. The small glimpse of the man on the driver side simply wasn’t enough. I needed to see him. To hold him. To feel him. To fuck him. To remind him that he didn’t get to dismiss me as he had the last two weeks.

“I’ve missed you, too, babes.”

She pulled back at once. Tears stained her poreless cheeks. My brows crinkled with concern.

“Malay– baby, what’s the matter?”

Her change in demeanor was baffling. Heartbreaking. Sobering.

She was dressed for the runway. Her hair was flawless. Her nails were immaculate. And, she was still following the lash map I’d created for her eye shape. Yet, she was still a blubbering mess.

“Talk to me.”

“You won’t believe it, Roulette,” she coughed out, a smile covering her lips.

I sighed, realizing she was crying good tears and her sadness wasn’t sadness. It was misplaced happiness.

“Tell me so I can.”

“She did it.”

“She?”

“My mom. She did it.”

My cheeks rounded as well. My eyes bulged as I considered the one thing that would make Malaya this happy.

“She did?”

“Yes.” She nodded, crying at the same time. She bounced in place, excitement and pure relief consuming her completely.

“We haven’t heard from her in a week. I was worried. I was scared. I was concerned. I had my dad take me over to the house to see if she was okay. He came back to the car with a letter.”

“From her?”

She nodded. “Yes.”

She dug into her pocket and retrieved a handwritten note from her mother. I began to scan the page immediately.

To Malaya,

My entire world. I love you deeply and I am going to spend the rest of my life reminding you of how sorry I am for breaking parts of you that should’ve never needed fixing. It’s no secret that I am sick. Yet, my sickness is no excuse for how I’ve failed so terribly at motherhood over the last two years. I’d failed the very first day I started following a man’s moral compass and forgetting that mine has never steered me in the wrong direction.

I pray we aren’t beyond repair. That would break my heart a hundred times over. You’re the consistent light I need in my life. So, if you can, one day, please forgive me for the neglect, the pain, the stress, the despair, and the months I’ve stripped away from your childhood. I’m sorry, baby.

You’re an angel and you don’t deserve that. Not from me. Not from anyone. I’ve decided it’s time to get better. Not only for me, but for you. For your future. I’ve checked myself into a rehabilitation program I’ve been considering for some time now. I never had the guts to give it up. Not until I got a visit from your father’s girlfriend. Roulette.

You’ve told me so much about her and while I believe you, seeing her was so much different. It took another woman at my doorstep advocating for my daughter to see just how damaging this condition truly is. Not just to me but to you and to your father, too. He doesn’t deserve this either. I’ll be away for a while, but I have no doubt that Roulette will be everything you need in my absence, just as she has been.

When you see her, please tell her I am thinking of her. And, though I hardly know her, I love her. I love her for everything she is and will be to you and your father. You need her. He needs her. We need her. I must go now, but please never forget the good parts of me. They’re still here, Laya. And, I can’t wait to remind you. See you soon, baby girl.

Mommy

Israel

My love. You are a good man. A good father. A good person. I’m sorry for the turmoil I’ve caused. You’ve taken on our daughter full-time and I wouldn’t have it anyway. She doesn’t need to be with me. Not until I’m better. I’m only hurting her. Until I can truly say that I’m meant for her good, I will keep my distance. I need to get better.

The work starts with the physical aspect of this addiction, but the cause is the deeper concern. I’m working on my mind, my body, and my heart. They’re all in need of an alignment. Thank you for always being in my corner and trying to walk me off the ledge. I’m happy to report that I’m off.

My feet are planted on the ground and I’m ready to take the first step to recovery. The woman you have is a keeper. Invite me to the wedding. I’d love to be a part of the toast and tell them how I’ve never been read so well in my life. She’s fire. But, she’s ice. Thank you for sending her my way, and I don’t mean literally. Thank you. Take care of our sweet girl.

Yara

“Uh um.”

I cleared my throat.

“Sorry.”

My tears stained the paper.

“I messed up the– Sorry, Malaya.”

“There’s no need to be sorry,” she cried, wrapping her arms around me, again. “Thank you. Thank you. I don’t know what you said to her or if you slapped her like you did Haleigh’s mom, but it worked. Thank you. You saved my mother. Thank you.”

Like a newborn child, she wept. I rubbed my hand up and down her back. Slowly, she gathered herself. When she was able to stand on her own two feet and support her weight, she stood straight.

“You okay?”

“Yeah. I’m okay.”

“I didn’t mean to impose. That was all I wanted. I just needed to tell you thanks.”

“No need to thank me, babe. I’m just doing girl’s work.”

She was hesitant, still standing at my door with sad, crying eyes.

“What do you say we ask your father if you can stay? Girl’s night doesn’t sound like a bad idea. I could use the company.”

“Me too.” She sniffled. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“I’ve missed you back, babe,” I admitted for the second time out loud.

I wasn’t sure when I’d grown a softer shell, but I wasn’t sure if I loved or hated it yet.

“I’m going to go ask my dad.”

Tell him to come inside, too. Let me remind him of why he killed platoons about me .

“I’ll be waiting.”

She twisted on her pretty heels and headed toward the car she’d gotten out of. Inside, her father, my new and estranged man, was waiting for her return. They exchanged words through the lowered window.

“He said yes!” She cheered, pumping her arms in the air as she looked back at me.

He’d better had said yes or you were staying anyway .

“Come on. We have movies to watch and shit to talk.”

I waved her over, ready to get a start on our night. Rome had been busy with practice. Rather had been on vacation for weeks. Royce was busy handling business for Teddy. Range was getting settled in the city. Everyone was in their own worlds, and as much as I loved that for us all, I was craving human interaction. Malaya had come knocking right on time.

Israel waited until his baby girl was back in the house before he began to pull off slowly. He was in no hurry. He stared at me through the cracked window with stern features and mysterious eyes. I wasn’t sure what he was thinking, but I knew exactly what I was thinking.

Not this nigga trying to co-parent with me and I’m not even a fucking parent .

I couldn’t help but laugh as I began to close the door. My left middle finger lifted just before I slammed it. I didn’t miss the return of Israel’s as the door met its frame.

Good dick motherfucker .

“Come do it then,” I challenged, barely above a whisper as I made my way down the hallway. “Asshole.”

I was left wishing I’d made that call to my sisters. But, they’d be hearing from me, regardless. Venting would be the full first half of our call. The rest would be me asking for advice on how to get niggas to stand in your business and not on business. My pussy was craving him just as much as my head and heart were.

Malaya was already on her way back with the cleaning supplies. The lemon drop was sticking to the floor and the bottom of her shoes.

“You didn’t have to. I go–”

“No. I’ve got it. I shouldn’t have rushed you the way I did. I’m sorry.”

“Never be sorry for expressing yourself the way you did. It’s confirmation that your feelings are real and you feel safe enough to let me in on them so we can experience them together. Don’t apologize. It’s a gift.”

“Okay.”

I watched as she bent down, taking her precious time to clean the drink from the floor. As much as I wanted to intervene, I knew that she needed to keep her hands busy. Her mind was going a mile a minute.

“Do you think she’ll make it through the program?” She questioned, never stopping.

“Yes. I do.”

“Do you think she will stay clean?”

“I’ll make sure of it, Malaya. At least I will try my best.”

“Thank you.”

“But, I think she will. I think this is a step in the right direction for her. For you. And, it’s you who she will get clean for and stay clean for.”

“I hope so.”

“I know so, baby girl.”

I had faith in Yara, though I hardly knew anything about her other than what I’d been told.

“Leave that alone. I’ll finish it later. I have something to show you.”

“Okay.”

She lifted from the floor and took my hand. I led her down the hallway, up the stairs and into the second guest bedroom. Powdered pink covered the walls. It was only a few shades darker than the original white paint that coated the walls. It was subtle, but it was noticeable.

“Wait– this is for me?”

“Yes. It is.”

A new dresser and queen-sized bed with a canopy were the stars of the renovation. The vanity was runner up. I guided her into the massive closet that was filled with every piece a girl could ever want in her wardrobe. The island in the middle was filled to the brim with original and custom pieces of jewelry that she could pass down for generations.

“Shut up!”

“It’s all yours, Princess.”

“Can’t be. How– H–”

“Your father’s credit card doesn’t have a limit.”

She nodded. “You’re right. It doesn’t.”

I shook my head. “Nope.”

We exited the closet. While I kept walking, she stopped in front of the bed. Her hand went on her hip as she looked over at me with that sparkle in her eyes again.

“Ma’am, I don’t know why you got me a bed when I have yours.” She chuckled, bringing light to such a dim situation.

“Honey, I have a man now and I can’t have you in my bed every night. Where is he supposed to sleep?”

“At his house, girl.”

“This is as much his home as it is mine,” I assured her.

“Then it’s as much mine, too, huh?”

“You might have a point there.”

“This is cute, though. I like it. Maybe I will sleep here sometimes. You know, when your man is over and stuff.”

I chuckled, admiring the birth of her confidence.

“Um hm.”

I began to close the door behind me. She protested the second she noticed.

“We’re not starting tonight. So, don’t get any ideas.”

“I don’t have any ideas, girl. I’m just closing the door so you can get undressed. Have you showered?”

“Yes. Before we went over to mom’s house.”

“Alright, because I don’t want your germs on my bed.”

“No germs, girl. Just good skin and good hair.”

“I heard that.”

I watched as Malaya slept peacefully underneath my sheets. My fingertips roamed the sleeve of her pajamas. I was relieved that she’d settled down. Although she didn’t last through the first movie, her need for rest didn’t bother me at all. She was feeling so many things at once. Her body and heart both needed the silence.

Oh shit .

I remembered the drink I’d spilled in the hallway. It was too far into summer to allow it to sit on the floor for too long. The ants would sense it and make their way inside from my lawn. Slowly, I slid from underneath the sleeping beauty. My shoulder felt better instantly.

I tiptoed out of the room and into the hallway. Carefully, I sealed the door and frame. I reached the kitchen in record time. However, the cleaning supplies I’d left on the counter were no longer there. With furrowed brows, I exited and made my way toward the door.

Did she bring them bac–

Mid-thought, I lost all sense of self-control. My nostrils flared from the pulling of my heartstrings. Overwhelmed with emotions, I placed a hand over my chest, wondering if this was real or if I was dreaming. Wondering if he was real or if I was dreaming.

Hunched over the once sticky spot on the floor was Israel. He was up on his feet after noticing he wasn’t alone anymore. How he’d gotten into my home was another question for another day.

“What took you so long?” Was the only question I needed an answer to.

He didn’t respond. Not verbally, anyway. His hands caressed parts of me that missed him something awful. His lips pressed against mine, and his palm pressured my throat, pushing me backward until I collided with the wall.

The wind underneath my ass confirmed my suspicions. And, his dick pressing against my entryway put my wonders to rest.

“Uhhhhhhhh.”

Israel parted me like the Red Sea. Silently, he stroked my pussy as if it was the very last mission he had to complete before his time on earth ended. His lips fell onto mine. Then, down my neck. On each shoulder, and on my chest. My right nipple kissed the air before it greeted his tongue.

The left was next. He devoured them. He devoured me. Making sweet promises with each stroke. Promises he intended to keep. Promises of love. Of care. Of protection. Of providing. Of goodness. Of patience. Of liberation. Of forever.

“I love you,” I confessed, grabbing his face and bringing it to mine. “I love you, Israel.”

The truth felt so much better in his hands than it did in my heart. He deserved to know how I felt. And, I made a personal promise to tell him every chance I got. “I love you.”

He pushed his lips against my face. With his head bowed and his heart on his sleeves, he drove into me without regret.

“You drive me mad, Princess.”

I nodded. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” he groaned, “Keep driving me mad. If you can accept me and all my bullshit… I can do the same for you. Besides, that shit does something to me. You do something to me.”

I closed my eyes, accepting each stroke for what it was. A masterpiece . I felt my orgasm building in the pit of my stomach.

“I’m about to cum,” I warned.

“Then, cum, Princess.”

I loosened right on his log, coating it with my cream. He wasn’t far behind. His body stiffened as he poured into me.

Even after he’d released, he remained still. His head on my chest, my body hoisted in the air. My back against the wall.

“I don’t like when you don’t talk to me.”

“Neither do I.”

“Then, why haven’t you?”

“Because you hurt me right here,” he explained, placing my hand on his chest. “Even if that wasn’t your intention.”

“It wasn’t.”

“I know. That’s why I’m here.”

“Stay.”

“Malaya needs you, Princess. I can wait.”

“And, I need you, Israel. I can’t wait.”

He sighed, lowering me onto the floor.

“Say yes.”

He shook his head. “How could I ever say no.”

He slipped my breasts back into my slip.

“Thank you.”

He reached into his back pocket and retrieved a neatly folded piece of paper.

“This belongs to you.”

He handed me the paper. Curiosity led me to unfolding it in record time. I squinted to better see in the dimly lit hallway. It didn’t take long for me to realize I was holding a deed. Not to a home but to land that I was the rightful owner of. The address captured and held my attention for what felt like an eternity. When the reality sunk in, I placed the piece of paper on the console a few inches away.

“It was you!”

“It was me, Princess. And, it will always be me.”

“You bought it right from up under my nose.”

“Because they were taking too fucking long and stressing my baby out. I did what needed to be done.”

“I called my brother,” I admitted. “I wanted him to get me that land.”

“Called your brother for what, Princess, when your man is more than capable of making your wildest dreams your reality? As long as I’m here, you’ll never have to call him again unless it’s to tell him that you love him.”

I believed every word that came from his mouth, yet I was at a loss for any of my own.

“Come on. Let’s shower and go to bed. I’m exhausted.”

“Thank you!” I stood on the tips of my toes and kissed his cheek. “Thank you.”

“My pleasure, Princess. Always.”

Hesitantly, I pulled my bottom lip into my mouth.

“What’s the matter?”

“There’s a slight problem?”

“What’s that?”

“She’s in my bed.”

Chuckling, he shook his head. “I already knew that shit. Come on. Maybe having us both here tonight is exactly what she needs.”