Page 22

FIFTEEN

Three weeks later…

Snoh’s voice fought the mental chaos I was dealing with. From the moment I stretched my limbs and stood from my bed, I understood exactly what type of day I’d be having. Everything was magnified. Every feeling. Every thought. Every emotion. Every irritation. Every disappointment. Every good thing. Every bad thing. Everything .

I considered ringing Rather, but decided against it. Retail therapy would be the source of relief for my struggle with the neurodevelopmental disorder that claimed my sanity some days. Staying busy kept my discomfort at bay, but I’d been doing less. Saying less. Working less. Breaking less. Fixing less.

Stillness was often the recipe for disaster for me. Unlike others, I didn’t find contentment in the beauty of it. The privilege of it. Nevertheless, I was up for the challenge. Because, I enjoyed the moments of serenity it provided.

I’ll be fine , I promised myself.

The aroma of bleach was jarring, but satisfying at once. While nontoxic products were my preference, I found comfort in the smell that roamed my home. It reminded me of the days my mother gave the housekeepers off because she was determined to clear her head with a good clean.

I swiped the towel off the center of the island, pushing it along the surface until I reached the end. I repeated the same movements until I’d cleaned the island a total of four times. I, then, made my way to the counters.

I tipped the bottle of bleach over and made small circles on the counter. I sat the bottle back inside the left side of the sink and rinsed my towel with steaming hot water in the right side. I squeezed the excess water, allowing the dirt to collect in the drain. Though the water was still translucent, there were traces of human activity.

Since Malaya had entered my door, she hadn’t left. Not until last night. It was her mother’s weekend with her, but it was postponed. Israel decided to take her to visit his parents instead.

Although I was invited to Berkeley and could’ve used the time away from it all, Berkeley wouldn’t be the escape I needed. I had establishments in the city. I would work myself to the bone before returning. Besides, as much as I enjoyed their presence, I needed to recharge my batteries. I couldn’t do that with them near me every waking and resting moment.

How the hell do women have live-in partners and husbands? When do they have time for themselves? Other than bathroom breaks? A portion of the showers they take? And, drives to the store or work?

Additional presence in your home was overwhelming on every level. Simultaneously, it was comforting. It was rather complicated, and I was still trying to figure out how I missed them both but didn’t want to see or hear from either of them for the next seven days.

Seven weeks don’t sound too bad, either . I admitted.

As the words left my mouth, my phone buzzed in the midnight blue, loose-fitted romper I wore. The flared, oversized number had been perfect for the day I insisted on having. The shops were in my plans, but once I noticed a spot on the counter, everything else went astray.

Before I knew it, the bleach was out and the kitchen was getting a deep cleaning. I started with the fridge, clearing it of any unwanted food. Organizing the cabinets was next up.

Once they were finished, I filled the fridge with new bottles of water and then I mopped the floors. Lastly, I decided to do the very first thing that was on my list. In fact, it was supposed to be the only thing. However, I’d gotten distracted.

I cleaned my hands underneath the warm water. The last thing I wanted to do was get bleach on my clothes. Changing would only infuriate me and remind me that I shouldn’t have stopped to clean on the way out of the door.

One second. I thought, drying my hands.

The romper was stunning and designed with precision. Not only was it haltered, but it had an abundance of pockets and zippers, leaving me searching for the pocket I’d pushed my phone into when the cleaning started. I discovered the rectangular device in the second set of pockets. I swiped my finger across and placed it on my ear.

“Yes?”

Gio – The Realtor . The contact prompted me to answer without hesitation.

“Ms. Childers.” He sighed into the line.

The heaviness in my heart tripled. It quickly became the anchor that cemented me to the ground. The gloomy morning I’d been having was slowly beginning to make sense.

“Yes?”

“I have some good news and some bad news. I’m not sure which one you want first.”

“Stop fucking around, Gio, and tell me what it is you need to tell me.”

“Fair enough. I will start with the bad news,” he breathed out before clearing his throat. “The sellers went with another buyer.”

“Another buyer? There was never another buyer interested. When did this happen?”

“Last night.”

“Last night? It’s a Saturday morning for crying out loud.”

“Exactly. They worked pretty quickly to get the deal finalized. They closed within hours of getting the offer.”

“How so?”

“It was cash.”

“I have been trying to give them cash for months. It all looks and spends the same. What was so different about theirs?”

“It was twice your offer.”

Silently, I nodded. Though my blood was boiling, I could hardly be upset with the sellers. This was business. The bigger the offer, the better the chance of acquiring the sale. However, I’d offered them more than six percent of their original selling price to secure my deal.

Apparently, it just wasn’t enough or they just didn’t want to sell to a woman with plans to build a sex house that would rape the pockets of their husbands and wives.

“For the good news, I found another loca–”

Click .

I ended the call. There was nothing left to be said. If I wasn’t getting that location, then Penthouse wouldn’t break ground. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not ever.

The ending of one call began another. I dialed the latest pair of digits Chem had shared with us. The phone hadn’t rang once before I heard his voice on the other end of the line. Every misaligned fiber in my body realigned. Comfort swept me up, swaddling me like a baby.

“Yes, Roulette.”

“Teddy–”

“What is it? What’s the matter, baby? Are you safe?”

Concern hiked his tone slightly. At any given minute he was ready to wage war against anyone and anything. The breath in Chino’s body was considered a blessing. Chem wanted him dead nearly five months ago.

I nodded. “Yes.”

The frustration was clear in my voice. I tried calming my nerves before speaking again.

“Then what’s the matter?”

“They sold the land. Them motherfuckers have had me in meeting after meeting for the last few months trying to convince them and the city that I deserved that fucking land. And, for what, just for them to sell it right from up under me? It’s frustrating.”

“I asked you to let me handle it.”

“I know, but it kept me busy, Teddy. Kept me occupied. Not much physically, but mentally. And, I wanted to work for it, Chem.”

“I understand. What do you want to do now, baby?”

“I want the land.”

“You want the land?”

“Yes. That’s why I’m calling. I can’t see Penthouse anywhere else in the city. I want that location. That land.”

“Then, you’ll have the land.”

“Good. I love you!”

He paused, finding room for his words. When he was ready, he graced the line with his voice again.

“You sound stressed. I don’t like it. Not even a little. Come over. Take a few days to yourself. Get some rest. And, let me handle the acquiring of the land.”

“I could use a break. I miss mom and the babies. But, that’s no vacation for me. I’d want to be surrounded by the people I love almost every hour of the day.”

“True. So, name a place, Rou, and I’ll have the plane fueled and ready.”

“I might take you up on that offer after getting that bit of bad news. I will call you and let you know what I decide.”

“I’ll be waiting.”

The call ended. He had nothing more to say. The work would be done and the land would be mine. It was just a matter of time. Immediate relief washed over me. Suddenly, I was no longer interested in cleaning the kitchen.

My fingers glided over my screen. There was only one other person in mind. I tapped Israel’s contact and waited for him to answer. When the voicemail rolled over, I realized just how long I’d been waiting. My brows crinkled, moving forward with confusion.

I didn’t bother calling a second time. Instead, I accessed the internet and began the search for my next destination.

Fiji?

Maldives?

Turks?

Tahiti?

Bora Bora?

St. Lucia?

Hvar?

Santorini?

My options expanded with each tap of my finger. While I wanted the beauty of an island to caress me like a stressed newborn fresh out of the womb, I wasn’t prepared for the extensive journey. Overwhelmed with the wealth of options, I laid my phone on the counter and grabbed the slightly soiled bleach towel.

I swiped it across the counter that had been waiting since I received the call from Gio.

Fiji sounds like the winner. I admitted. Its beauty is unmatched. But, Tahiti as well .

As I ventured to the next counter, my cell vibrated. I dried my hands slightly and leaned toward the island, swiping before I lost the caller on the other line. I tapped the speaker phone and waited to be greeted.

“Roulette,” the thick Colombian accent greeted me.

“Matías?” I replied, tossing the dry towel over the partially open cabinet before closing it.

“Yes, love. It is me.”

I lifted my cell to see his handsome face staring back at me.

“I don’t recognize the number,” I admitted.

“New number. I wanted to call and give it to you, but it seems as though I should be offering more than a few digits to reach me on, ey?”

“I’ll need you to be more specific.”

Hearing his voice soothed the bits and pieces Chem had left behind.

“The jet is ready, Roulette. Just say the word. From the sound of your voice, I hear that you can use a break.”

“It’s that obvious, huh?”

I pressed my back against the fridge, considering his offer.

“I’ve been hearing your sweet tone long enough to know when something is bothering you. Is there something bothering you, Mami?”

“Yes.”

“Can money fix it? Fix whatever is bothering you?”

“Yes.”

It didn’t matter that Chem had promised to acquire the land. If Matías was offering, I was accepting.

“A million more.”

“It’s done. All I ask is that I at least get to see that pretty face of yours before the upcoming week ends.”

Knowing that my schedule wouldn’t permit a mid-week trip, I considered Colombia instead of all the places I’d considered just seconds ago. It wasn’t Fiji but it was beautiful. Parts of it, anyway. And, that’s exactly where I’d be instead of locked away in Matías’ compound.

“I need some time alone, Matías. Some time to relax and reset.”

“Then time alone is what you’ll have. Come to my home. I won’t keep you long. I promise. By sunrise, you’ll be in the most beautiful villa in all of Colombia, surrounded by the gorgeous water with a yacht at your disposal.”

Matías’ American clientele was mostly foreigners from the States. Mastering our language was the secret to growing his empire. Even in his Colombian accent, he spoke the American language better than most Americans.

“So, is that a yes, Roulette?”

I nodded, agreeing to the plan he’d set in motion.

“Yes.”

“Good. I will see you soon. The address is coming to your cell in just a few seconds.”

I disconnected the call and rested my chin on the top of my phone.

“ Colombia it is then .”

Click.

Clack.

Click.

Clack .

I strutted up to the door of Matías’ home. The sun had kissed the earth’s core, leaving behind hues of purple and orange that were unmatched. I could soak under the sun’s setting for the entire time I was here and I wouldn’t complain.

God, that’s gorgeous .

With his arms stretched wide, Matías invited me into his home and embraced me. He was dressed in a silk shirt that clung to his abdominal muscles and biceps. The linen pants were unable to conceal the rod between his thighs. Freshly trimmed hair added to the list of reasons I found him attractive.

“How was your flight, Madam?” He asked as I planted my cheek against his chest.

Unlike most of the Colombian men I encountered, he was slim and long like a tree.

“It was good.”

“Have you eaten?”

“I have. On the flight.” I yawned. “My apologies.”

“No need to apologize, love.”

“Water? A drink? Is there anything I can get you?”

I shook my head. “I’m fine.”

“Then, a bed it is.” He chuckled. “You could use the rest.”

I didn’t protest. He extended his arm, requesting my hand. I interlaced it in his, immediately noticing the difference between his and Israel’s.

Roulette . I chastised, trying my hardest to toss thoughts of Israel out of my head. He hadn’t returned my call and neither had he contacted me all day.

Israel isn’t thinking about Roulette, so why is Roulette thinking about Israel? I asked.

Instead of picking my brain, I flushed the thoughts of him that were forming as I compared him to the man before me.

Click.

Clack.

Click.

Clack.

I climbed the stairs behind Matías. It wasn’t very long before we reached his bedroom. Mainly because our long legs conquered a large amount of square footage in a very small amount of time. As we entered his bedroom, he allowed me to take the lead.

Red roses covered the floor. The furniture. The bed. The window seal. A red silk nightie rested on top of the florals. A masseuse waited near the french doors that were slightly ajar. With a smile on her face, she stood on the balcony, anticipating my arrival.

I turned to admire the man behind me. He was swifter, already admiring me when I made the half-circle. His smile was darling. So were the dimples it formed. His hands were folded in front of him, concealing the bulge I knew was there.

His intentions were clear. He wanted me in his home, in his bed, but on my terms. If it was rest I needed, he’d see to it that I got exactly that. I appreciated his generosity.

“Thank you.”

“My pleasure, mi amor.”

He nodded toward the balcony. I didn’t take another step before I undressed. The romper slid off with ease. In the nude, I handed him my threads.

Click.

Clack.

Click.

Clack.

Still in heels, I crossed the lengthy bedroom floor and joined the beautiful Colombian-bred woman on the balcony. I could feel the daggers Matías burned in my back with his honey-colored eyes.

“Buenas noches, senora.”

“Buenas noches.”

I removed my heels after taking my place on the bed. They fell to the floor like Jenga blocks, clashing with the concrete.

“De espaldas, por favor.”

“Bueno.”

Following instructions, I laid against the white sheet with my pussy kissing the Tibu sky. My nipples peddled. The muggy breeze was soothing. Comforting. Calming. Caressing.

I looked over my shoulder, through the glass of Matías’ bedroom to find him peering out onto the balcony. His hand was no longer empty. At the mini bar in his bedroom, he was pouring himself a glass of brown, unlabeled whiskey.

He pursed his lips, mimicking a kiss. I grabbed it with my right hand and placed it right where it belonged, on my pussy.

Oil dripped from the bottle onto my chocolate skin. My nipples ached as they grew even harder. Warm hands began to move about my limbs. I closed my eyes, promising to leave Matías’ home first thing in the morning. He knew how to spoil a woman. And, if he kept at it, I wouldn’t make it to Rosario Islands. I wouldn’t make it past his bed.

Darkness coated every crevice of the bedroom. I wasn’t sure when I’d made it to bed, how I’d made it to bed, or when I’d lost consciousness. However, my bladder was screaming for me to wake or wet the sheets and the night breeze coming from the window wasn’t helping at all.

Matías lie beside me, sound asleep. His light snores were silenced for once. I stretched my limbs, preparing to slide from underneath the sheets. As much as I wanted to relieve my bladder, I wanted to stay in bed. The sleep was too good. The silence was too addictive.

My leg brushed against Matías, combing over the mounds of hair that decorated them. As our skin collided, my heart fell from my chest into the boxspring beneath the mattress. The hairs on my body stood at attention. Each and every one of them. Slowly, I pushed my arm underneath the pillow where I was sure Matías had placed my weapon. He knew I didn’t sleep without it.

“It’s not there, Princess.”

I squeezed my eyelids together at the sound of his voice. The disappointment in his tone. The pain in his words.

“Isra–”

“Tell me something,” he tittered, kissing the skin of his teeth.

Suddenly, I regretted my current state. My naked body against the bed was no longer suffering from the breeze from outside. Not even Matías’ cold corpse could cool me down. I was on fire. The only person who had the power to stop the flames from burning me alive was the person who’d set me ablaze.

“Did you think I was just blowing smoke up your ass when I told you not to associate yourself with any nigga that isn’t me?”

“Israel–”

“Yet, here you are, ass naked in another nigga’s bed, in another fucking country.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“It’s very fucking simple, Roulette.”

“What– why are you– what are you doing he–” I stuttered, feeling my heart break along with his.

I was a free agent, true enough, but there was something about Israel that made me want to do right by him. Even when I tried fighting the feeling, it always conquered me in the end. Tonight was more of the same. He commanded more from me.

And, though I had no plans to ever give myself to a man, wholly, he made me consider it. Fantasize about it. Dream about it. Wonder about it.

“The game you’ve been playing your entire life ended the moment I slid up in what I wholeheartedly believe is my shit.” He emphasized his possession, claiming my pussy as his own.

“I don’t give a fuck what the next nigga accepted or allowed. I’m not him, Princess. I’m not none of them motherfuckers. I’m Israel Kingston. And, there ain’t a motherfucker alive that will be able to say they touched you after I did. Niggas don’t deserve it. Niggas don’t deserve you. They don’t know the first fucking thing to do with a woman like you. I do.

“All your stubbornness. All your pride. All your rules. All your restrictions. All your shopping. All your ideas. All your chaos. All your nonsense. I was made to handle that shit. I was made to handle you.

“I’ve got some rules of my own, too, Roulette. They are very simple. I want my woman unfriendly, untouchable, unapproachable, un-talk-to-able, unfuck-with-able. And, until you understand that shit, I will be unreachable.”

He stood from the seat where his body had been housed for some time. Hovering over me, he peered down at my naked body in disgust. A splinter was sent through my chest. Emotions made my eyes tingle and my heart beat with despair.

Israel’s hand rounded my neck. He lifted my chin with the butt of his gun. I swallowed back the sentiments that were burning me alive internally.

“I’d clear this whole fucking country if I had to, risking my return home to Malaya. That’s how much you mean to me.”

I felt my body breaking down each time he spoke. The vulnerability he sparked in us both was beyond my wildest imagination. I was open. Wide open. So was he.

“I love you, Roulette,” he choked. “Can’t you not see that shit?”

His words freed the well. Tears ran down my eyes as I stared back up at him, nodding my head.

“Yes,” I whimpered.

“Then what the fuck is it going to take for you to sit the fuck down and accept the fact that you’re here to stay? What I gotta do to make you understand that? Hm? What will it take?”

He launched the hammer with each syllable, bashing my heart without remorse. My chest caved from defeat.

“Talk to me, Princes–”

“You never asked.”

“What?”

“You never asked, Israel. You never asked me to be more. You never asked me to accept your lifestyle. You never asked me to accept your child. You never asked me to accept your baggage. You never asked me to spend more time. You never asked me to be your woman.

“You saw an opportunity and took it. And, then, you saw another one and took it, eventually condemning me to your standards and morals because you had fallen for me. You ignored all of my boundaries. You forced me into situations with little knowledge and very little time to adjust.

“And, then you expected me to bow down and accept whatever it is you decided we should be just because you said so. I am not an object, Israel. I am a person. I am a woman. I have feelings. I have boundaries. I have desires.”

“What is it that you desire, Roulette?”

“Not to be pushed into a corner, Israel. Not to be expected to read between the lines. To be eased into situations instead of tossed out on a limb.”

“What is it that you desire, Roulette? Tell me what you truly want and you can have it. I don’t care if it takes all of me to give it to you. Tell me what you want!”

“Roulette, I adore the time we spend together. You make my life so much more exhilarating. I know my life isn’t the ideal life you’ve made up in that pretty head of yours, but it’s worth it. I come with a fifteen year old daughter and an ex who is addicted to heroin.

“I’m no perfect man and I don’t live a perfect life, but somehow, I think you could make it feel as close to perfection as it gets. I want you in my world. Not as a friend. Not as a fucking buddy. Not as a fleeting presence. I want you and all your craziness in my world permanently. Will you be? ”

I ended my statement with a face full of tears. Playing with dollhouses and creating families as a kid was never my thing. But, since Israel had come into my life, my days were full of dreams that included him and Malaya. I couldn’t see my future any differently. But, he never asked.

“If you want me to be yours, Israel, you have to ask me. The words have never left your mouth. I’ve waited and waited and waited. All I’ve ever heard is how I’m stuck with you. Falling into a relationship is not ideal for me.

“Not ideal for any woman if they’re honest enough. We want to see or hear or feel the words. We need concrete evidence so we’re not wondering when we celebrate anniversaries and other special occasions. We need to know these things. It’s in our nature.”

He remained silent, staring down at me. His eyes closed briefly and then reopened after a second. A sigh pushed from his lips. He used his free hand to dry my eyes.

“I hate seeing you cry. Stop that shit, Princess.”

I nodded as the river continued to flow. Using the back of my hand, I wiped away the tears he hadn’t caught.

“Had I asked, what would you have told me?”

“That I’m terribly afraid of one person having so much power over me. One snap of the finger and they can break everything I’ve worked to build. I would’ve told you that my last relationship failed miserably and I wished it hurt more but it didn’t. That leads me to believe I wasn’t made for love. And, love wasn’t made for me.”

“Well, you’re wrong. And, I won’t let that fear outweigh all the other reasons you would’ve said yes.”

He removed the shirt from his body and placed it over mine after loosening the first two buttons. He placed his jacket over his bare shoulders.

Israel lowered himself to the floor. On his knees he took my hands into his. He looked up at me, shaking his head as he inhaled deeply.

“You have every right to feel how you’re feeling. It wasn’t until this moment that I realized my selfishness and hunger for your presence affected you so negatively. I’m wrong, Roulette. And, I’ll never be too tough or too far gone to admit when I’m wrong. I didn’t ignore your boundaries, baby, I was just so blinded by the things that made you so right for my world that I overlooked them.

“I avoided them. And, I told myself that if you just experienced me, then they wouldn’t harm the connection I was trying to build with you. But, still, that was selfish of me. So, right now, I want you to understand how much I respect you and your boundaries and if it’s my words that you want to hear to make this shit official, then my words you’ll have.

“Because, in my head and in my heart, you’re already mine from your head to your soles. And, I’m yours, Princess. From my head to my soles. But, I want you to have something to mark in your calendar each year. Something to anticipate. Something to celebrate when it comes to our love and commitment to each other. So–

“Roulette, I adore the time we spend together. You make my life so much more exhilarating and interesting and fulfilling and content. I know my life isn’t the ideal life you’ve made up in that pretty head of yours, but it’s worth it. I promise. I come with a fifteen year old daughter and an ex who is addicted to heroin.

She has a heart of gold, but she’s stuck in a vicious cycle that is affecting the livelihood and mental health of our child. I think your presence would greatly influence the girl I’m trying to train up into a thriving adult in society. She’s sad and she’s lonely but she’s brilliant. You’d love her.

“I’m no perfect man and I don’t live a perfect life, but somehow, I think you could make it feel as close to the ideal of perfection as it gets. There isn’t a doubt in my mind. I want you in my world. Not as a friend. Not as a fucking buddy. Not as a fleeting presence. I want you and all your craziness, stubbornness, chaos, and liberation in my world permanently.

“Will you be? And, I’m not asking you, baby. I’m begging. Because, I don’t want to do this shit alone anymore. I want you, Princess. But, I need you, too. So does my daughter. So does our home. You are the missing piece to our puzzle. We’re just hoping we’re the pieces you didn’t know you were missing.”

My nostrils flared as I combatted my truest, deepest emotions. I cupped the sides of Israel’s face and brought him closer.

“Yes. I will be, because I don’t think I want to do this alone anymore either.”

Israel stood and brought me along with him. He wasted no time exiting Matías bedroom. My heart broke for the man laying on the bed, cold as a deli sandwich. My game wasn’t the only game he was a pawn in. He was on Israel’s chessboard as well and he’d just gotten eliminated.

“Don’t get it twisted, Princess. You’re on punishment.”

I remained silent. I was too fixated on the massacre before me. Body after body flooded the mansion. Suddenly, Matías’ death didn’t hurt so much. Israel had cleared out his entire army of men who were responsible for my safety and his while I was in his possession.

The thought of being touchable was repulsive. Chemistry would have a time turning Colombia inside out, but I’d be turning over in my grave knowing I put my safety in the hands of a group of motherfuckers who didn’t even see fire when it was in front of them.

We emerged from the mansion to find Raquim standing near a black truck. The AR in his hand was sexy, but I wasn’t very happy to see the person holding it.

“Good evening, Roulette.”

“Fuck you, Raquim.”

I slid into the back of the SUV and waited for Israel to do the same. He didn’t. I observed in complete disarray as he removed a small can of lighter fluid from underneath the seat. In a clear bottle, he shoved the pocket square from his suit.

“Isr–”

“You don’t get to talk, Princess. You get to sit. You get to listen. You get to learn not to fuck with me. And you get to watch me burn this motherfucker to the ground. Unless , you care to join me.”

No words surfaced. My eyes and heart grew twice their size instantly. Somehow, someway Israel was sexier, better, and grumpier than before and I was here for every bit of it.

With his right foot, he slammed the door of the truck, silencing me at once. Slowly, he removed a box of matches from his pocket and struck one against the carton. He lit the fiery cocktail and tossed it into the home of Mat?as.

Like a madman, he stood with his hands inside his pockets, patiently waiting for the flame to connect with a stitch of fabric. He didn’t have to wait very long. The shirt of his victim dangled from the stairs where the bottle had stopped rolling. It was immediately engulfed. Satisfied, Israel opened the door and slid in beside me. Within minutes, the wheels were burning against the ground and we were en route to an unknown destination.

It wasn’t long before I discovered where we were headed. And, it wasn’t long before we arrived. One by one, we made our way up the stairs and onto the plane.

The tension in the air could be sliced with a knife. Israel pointed to the seat designated for my nearly bare ass. His shirt was lengthy, but so was I. Deciding against protesting, I had a seat and accepted the blanket he handed me.

Quietly, I observed as he settled in. His facial muscles hadn’t rested yet. They were contorting his features and making him even more desirable than he already was. I throbbed between the legs, realizing how much I appreciated the vexed version of Israel.

Maybe I’m just a little toxic , I sniggered.

He cut his head in my direction. Unblinking, he stared at me, wondering what the fuck was funny. I waved my hand, letting him know my white flag was high in the sky. He’d just killed at least twenty-five men. I didn’t want any smoke. Not tonight. Not without my piece.