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Click.
Clack.
Click.
Clack.
The perfectly trimmed pieces of hair cut just above my eyes swayed gently with the wind, tickling the skin on my forehead. The jet-black, donor-specified hair extensions were a weave connoisseur's dream.
They were luscious. They were bouncy. They were juicy. And, they held a curl for days at a time.
Dreamy .
As the twenty-four inches toyed with my ass cheeks one step at a time, I made a mental note to call my vendor and thank her for such a stunning batch of raw bundles. They were flawless.
Click.
Clack.
Strong winds attempted to take my silk dress with it, but my curves were stubborn with their meal. Nevertheless, the strap on my left shoulder fell. Triple D breasts kept the fabric from exposing my areola.
I lowered the round, compact Dior mirror from my face. Instantly, I fell in love with what I was seeing.
“Hmm.”
The decision to allow the strap to rest around my bicep came with ease. The flirty detail added to the sex that oozed from the silk number.
I lifted the mirror again, admiring the perfectly smooth makeup application I’d managed before having my tea this morning. It had settled quite nicely on my skin. There wasn’t a blemish in sight.
I never missed a step as I glossed my lined lips while the sole of my mules tapped the concrete.
Click.
Clack.
“Good morning, Ms. Childers.”
Click.
Clack.
I strutted up the steps of the private plane, finally closing the mirror and stuffing it inside my oversized bag. Where I was headed, I didn’t need to pack a million pieces. Everything had been taken care of. And, whatever more I required, I’d consume on my own time.
“Good morning, Ms. Childers.”
“Good morning,” I greeted the staff.
The familiar scent of the family’s private cabin welcomed me with open arms, reminding me of the man who’d made the purchase four years prior. It was our family’s fourth plane and it was the grandest of them all.
I strolled down the aisle and took my seat in the third nook, which I frequented the most. I swung my right leg over my left and pressed my back into the plush chair. Swiveling slightly, I grabbed a few contents from my bag. It was massive and required a seat of its own.
MacBook.
iPad.
AirPods.
Cellphone.
I gathered the necessities and zipped the bag. The flight was incredibly lengthy, and I wouldn’t be touching Clarke’s soil until nightfall. There was work to be done, sleep to be enjoyed, and plans to be made.
“We’re prepared for takeoff, Ms. Childers.”
Enthralled with the power of my devices, I neglected to lift my head. Instead, I nodded.
“Thank you.”
As the words left my mouth, my cell began to vibrate on my lap. The brown bear at the top of my screen delivered a blow to my chest that I wasn’t quite ready for. Suddenly, an unexpected presence overwhelmed the massive plane. Instantly, it shrunk in size, or at least, it felt like it had.
Blinking away my emotions, I cleared my throat as I slid my finger across the phone. My heart leaped in my chest as the silence tickled our ear canals. I readjusted myself in my seat and released a shaky breath.
My nostrils swelled twice their size. My eyes felt like they’d been drenched in gasoline and lit with a match. My chest inflated and deflated dramatically. A low, muffled whimper escaped my frame as the pain intensified.
“Crybaby,” Chemistry groaned, kissing the skin of his teeth.
The call ended, forcing my body in the opposite direction. Like a magnet to metal, I was drawn to him. I hadn’t noticed his presence until now, but the lack of oxygen in the cabin should’ve made it clear the second my phone rang.
Out of the window, he examined me through weary eyes. I’d prolonged my stay for another two days to spend more time with my family. However, there was much to be done back home and the three years we’d been in St. Catana should’ve been enough time spent with them. However, it wasn’t. With them, it was never too much. With him, it was never too much.
My protector.
My provider.
My peace .
With a hand on his forehead, he saluted, bidding me farewell and breaking my heart into five hundred and sixty-eight tiny pieces. Witnessing the back of his frame as his shirt blew with the wind sent me completely over the edge. Overcome with the grief of our separation and the detail about his lack of freedom in the US, I bolted from my seat.
“Open the door,” I demanded.
“Ma’am, we are ready for–”
“This plane doesn’t leave the ground until I say so,” I reminded the flight attendant with tears cascading down my cheeks and the fleeing of Chemistry heavy on my heart.
“So, open this door or I will open this motherfucker myself. And when we take off, you will not be on this bitch.”
I began to unravel before her pretty brown eyes. With a nod, she shuffled her feet and began turning the wheel of the cabin door. Her lack of strength and speed raised my body’s temperature. I stepped forward and began to assist. Within seconds, the Catanian airbrushed my skin, contouring my soul with the nutrients and strength it needed to see past the moment. Past the pain.
Chemistry felt so far away. Too far away. His stride had Richie ingrained in every step. I was shot with a second dagger to the chest. I missed my father deeply. The distance hadn’t been established but I was already missing my brother as much.
“Teddy–”
He halted. Right where he stood. He didn’t move another inch. Not until he gathered himself and turned to face me. Together, we eliminated the distance between us until our chests collided.
I threw my arms around him, relieved by his presence. His life. The very breath in his body.
This was my person.
It was our person.
Every one of us.
From Rhea down to the precious son he’d recently pulled from his wife’s womb with his bare hands. The weight of his position in our world must’ve been so much, but he handled it well. Gracefully. Beautifully. Skillfully. Firmly. Yet, with so much love, adoration, and care. The weight he carried for us all, I couldn’t imagine bearing, but he did so proudly.
My person .
Our person .
Each second my body remained pressed against his as he squeezed me in those long phalanges of his, a piece of my heart was mended.
“Better?” His voice cracked as he asked.
Nodding, I responded. Words were impossible, just as my love for Teddy was. Just as his love for me was.
He pulled back when he knew, for sure, I could stand on my own two feet.
Mentally.
Physically.
Emotionally .
“Chemistr– you’re c– are you crying?”
Every piece he’d mended broke, again.
“Nah, it’s raining, kid.” He chuckled.
The pain was in his laugh. In his eyes. In his posture. The defeat etched worry lines and wrinkles on his skin.
While he was at peace and utterly happy in St. Catana, the place he’d built for the very reason he was here, he wasn’t at peace with our departure. Neither was he at peace with us being so far away without instant access to him.
“Liar,” I whimpered.
“Cheer up, Roulette. I’m good. You good?”
“I’m still deciding. As a real nigga, I can’t believe how many times I’ve cried in the last three days. This is not player of me. I will never forgive myself. I’m too real for this shit, Teddy.”
He nodded, boosting my ego, “You are. You are, Roulette. So am I, but matters of the heart know no character. Players and real niggas all hurt the same.”
He wiped my tears with the knuckle of his index finger.
“So, if you don’t tell, then I won’t,” I suggested.
“Deal, baby.”
“Good.”
“Get on that plane, Roulette. And never forget who you are, even in my absence. Choose your company wisely. Your time is valuable. Make them pay and add taxes. Your presence is too precious.
“Maintain your boundaries. Harden them given the circumstances. I’m not there. Dismiss anything that doesn’t bring you peace. Protect your fucking heart, girl. It’s gold. Dead situations that no longer benefit you.
“Stay focused. Stay ready. Keep one in the chamber. Keep an extra clip. And, only use the switch. If someone plays with you, let that fucking Glock sing. I’ll clean up the mess.”
He paused, looking at me with a smile in his eyes that never reached his face. Pride swelled his chest. The hairs on my skin stood at attention.
“You make me so proud, baby girl. You are so goddamn rare. You have a gift. Understand that you don’t and never will compromise. Every move you make should be an investment in this–”
He pointed at my chest.
“And this–”
He pointed at my head.
“And this–”
He rubbed his thumb across the four fingers that were upright.
“Keep your head down. You have your work cut out for you upon arrival. I feel so much joy considering your new endeavors and what’s in store for you. Partly salty I won’t be there every step of the way. But, even in my sadness, I know you’ve got this.
“You’re a fucking force, baby. There’s nothing no one can sit before you and you not get it done. Your ability to remain progressive in spite of anything, in spite of all things… it reminds me of me… it reminds me of Richie .”
He took a blow to the chest, too, slowing his words. I watched him swallow the lump in his throat.
“You’ll be great, kid. I have no doubt in my mind about it. Look after your sisters. Even though they’re going to fight you on it. I’m not there, but I’m only a phone call away. Should you ever need me, I’ll be there. You know that though,” he said, kissing the skin of his teeth. “Guess I’m rambling at this point.”
“I’m listening,” I assured him. I could hear him go on all day. He wasn’t a man of many words, so this moment was treasured.
“Appreciate that, baby. But, I have nothing more. Get on that plane and go handle your business.”
“I love you, Teddy.”
“In this lifetime and in the next, Rou. I’m waiting at the entrance for you, baby.”
“Have a bottle and some pantiless dancers.” I laughed with a tilt of my head.
“Whatever you want and you know it. It’s y’all world. I’m just here to make it go round,” he told me, circling his index finger.
“Later.”
I finally began walking backward, retreating to the plane.
“Later.”
I returned to the plane and reserved the designated seat with the heat from my body and the heaviness of my heart. Because the idea of watching Teddy walk away was far too hurtful, I pulled the laptop onto the table just inches away from me, dug my AirPods into my ears, and began the long list of things to do before I landed.
Work consumed me for the first five hours of the flight. By the sixth hour, a meal was placed on the table along with a bottle of my family’s favorite wine. Chemistry’s hand in my farewell meal was apparent.
“Thank you, Teddy,” I whispered as I bowed my head to pray.
Dear God, thank you for the meal I’m set to receive. I pray that it is fulfilling and nourishing for my health. In Your darling Son’s name, Amen .
I lifted my head after the final word of my prayer crossed my mind. I forked the fully loaded potato, parting the creamy lobster sauce. It added another layer of goodness to the savory side.
Ummm .
Chateau Lafite washed the thick chunks of potatoes down with ease. I rested the glass next to the plate and proceeded with my meal. The medium steak cut with ease and precisely so.
It was partly due to its temperature of one hundred and fifty degrees and partly due to its size. I preferred my steak lean, thin, and easy to consume. Chewing for minutes at a time wasn’t and would never be on my list of things to do.
I peered out of the window on the left side of the plane as we started our journey across the ocean. Butterflies swarmed in my stomach. The open waters always tugged at my heartstrings. I mastered every skill our father and brother forced us to learn to elevate our survival skills.
Swimming remained difficult for me until I was twenty-two. Through therapy, I discovered my issue wasn’t with the skill itself. Mentally, I was restricting my growth and adaptation in the water. I didn’t trust it because I couldn’t control it.
I didn’t trust it because it was overwhelming. I didn’t trust it because I understood its power. I didn’t trust it because I didn’t trust . Nothing and absolutely no one who didn’t share the same blood as me. So, committing to and submitting to its nature proved difficult for me.
Water, however, was likely the only thing Teddy trusted more than the people who shared his blood. Their relationship was impeccable. In every other lifetime, he’d likely been a fish of some kind. We were all convinced.
I curved my spine slightly, finally relaxing against the seat. There was so much waiting for me in Clarke. There were so many possibilities. So many opportunities. I was ready to embark on the path I’d carved for myself. Upon arrival, the ball would begin rolling, instantly.
Throwing myself into work would suppress the ache in my chest. I hadn’t gotten very far, and the yearning had already begun. Not only for my family but for the island itself.
It was the most precious piece of land. It was the definition of paradise. The beauty, nature, and utter peace it granted were immeasurable. Everything was better in St. Catana, everything .
Click.
Clack.
Click.
Clack.
I pierced the concrete with each step I made. Fresh off the plane, I widened my nostrils. The earthy aroma made the hairs inside of my nose pull backward as I sniffed the open air. The rain had left its mark.
Clarke’s soil was healthy, again. The two-day shower had left it with the nutrients it needed to produce and sustain life beneath and above its crevice. Evidence of precipitation wasn’t visible, but I inhaled it with each breath.
With a tilt of my head, I allowed the distinctive feeling that only my city could offer to control my movements. My eyelids joined each other on each eye, darkening everything. The remaining senses heightened as my vision was eliminated from the equation.
Trees swayed in the distance. Gas from the awaiting vehicle polluted the air. The plane’s engine whistled lowly just feet away from me. A gentle breeze grazed my skin, reminding me I was no longer on the island. I was home.
Welcome. The wind greeted me. Welcome home, Madam .
Very happy to be here , I responded as a smile curled my lips upward.
I opened my eyes and pushed the gentler version of Roulette to the back of the room. There was no space for her where I was headed. There was no place for her in Clarke. There was no need for her because the people who had birthed her existence were both gone.
Teddy to his new home. Richie beneath the dirt.
Click.
“Now, show me to the money.”
Clack.
My pussy throbbed at the potential of my presence in the city. I’d lost so much during my absence. I was very close to starting from ground zero and the excitement of it all was arousing.
Well, after this one stop .
I slid into the GLE 53 AMG waiting for me. The driver seat was adjusted to my liking. The tank was full. And, the paper was still on the floor mats. Zero miles were on the dash.
Teddy .
He was waiting to get me out of the BMW I’d been cruising through the city in and this was the perfect opportunity. He spared no expense, and he made sure it was up to my standards upon entry. I melted into the seats, loving the height and the massiveness of the vehicle.
Well done, handsome .
I peeled out of the parking spot as I watched the mileage go up a single digit. In a full circle, I spun the truck, prepared to walk away from the beauty if it couldn’t match my need for speed. The burning rubber clouded the air around me, obstructing my view. But, I didn’t need to see. I needed to feel .
I closed my eyes and kept turning the wheel until it locked. Around and around, I went. My heart galloped, increasing its beats per minute. Adrenaline pulled my lips back to show almost every tooth in my mouth.
Freedom found me. Weariness evaded me. And, a smidget of happiness seeped in through my pores. The burden that had been weighing on us all over the last three years was finally lifted. Absolutely nothing could hold us back now. The feeling was enlivening.
I smashed the brake as I pulled my eyelids apart. The SUV halted at once. My chest rose and fell with each breath. A chuckle seeped from my lips. As the seconds passed, it grew louder and more consuming.
Fucking imbeciles .
I was silenced at once as thoughts of those who’d attempted to dismantle what we’d spent our lives building flooded my mind. We were Childers. We were unbreakable. We were unbeatable. We were unfazed as their lives ended and ours began again.
Fresh starts. See you bitches in hell.
I cut out of the parking lot as my phone vibrated in the console. The bear icon prompted me to answer.
“Yes, Chem?”
I pressed the speaker button as I made a quick note to connect the Bluetooth to my cell.
“Makai has a new set of tires waiting at a shop on Ponce. Stop by there tomorrow.”
“Why?” I chuckled.
“Because I know you, baby, and that set won’t last ’til morning.”
The line died, leaving me with a silly grin on my face. I pulled over at the edge of the lot and synced my cell with my new toy. Before putting my feet on the gas, I pressed play on the customized list of songs I’d created for this very moment.
Trina’s voice guided my movements. It wasn’t until I heard it that I pressured the gas and got out of dodge.
Miss Trina Z3 Beamer.
Open up my legs put your head in between ‘em
’Til I bust like lead from a heater
I silently sang along to one of my favorite songs.
Make sure you got bread for the diva
Leave a nigga pockets dry like the cleaners
Under the sparks of the night lights of the city, I bobbed my head and ground my ass into the seat. Track after track proved to be just as interesting as the next. There wasn’t a single skip in the lineup.
It wasn’t until I approached the neighborhood I was in pursuit of that I lowered the volume of my stereo. However, my foot never relieved the gas pedal of its applied pressure. The unscheduled, impromptu dick appointment required my attendance, and I was nearly running late.
Black gates connected at the center of the wide driveway, halting the wheels of my SUV. I lowered my window and pushed my freshly manicured set against the digits stored in my head for almost a decade. Access was granted immediately after the sixth number appeared on the screen.
I entered the gates of the home in Browning. The Summits was where the home rested, just a few minutes shy of the most prestigious neighborhood in all of Clarke. Mount Clarke was the pinnacle of our city and where my family slept well every night until we ventured out of our family home. Chemistry didn’t venture far. He remained in the folds of Mount Clarke while we all moved to The Summits.
The expansive driveway welcomed me with solar-powered lights that led to the doorway. I switched the gear to Park in preparation for my exit. My racing heart kept me rooted in the driver's seat.
It had been months since my last visit. But, this visit was much different than the others. It was the first of more frequent ones as the result of my return to the city, indefinitely .
I tossed all caution to the wind and exited my vehicle. The door sealed behind me, causing me to pause in stride. It was nearly soundless. I appreciated the discretion the feature offered.
Oh, good, Teddy.
I took the steps one by one, slowly ascending until I reached the front door. I shoved my key into the lock and twisted. Like hundreds of times before, it allowed my entrance to the six-bedroom home.
The dark decor and smell of freshly burned buds creased the corners of my lips and fluffed my cheeks. Home sweet home . Though I wasn’t the owner of the residence, it was just as much of mine as it was his. I had yet to get acquainted with my new dwelling, but for the night, this one would suffice.
“Chino!” I yelled.
I quickly realized the music that could be heard all the way downstairs was much more potent than my voice. It would easily drown out any attempt of mine to garner the attention of the love of my life. Instead of straining my vocal cords, I pushed forward.
I met the steps with less than half of the amount of fabric I’d entered Chino’s home with. My slip dangled on the railing of the stairs. When I reached the top, my panties collided ever so gently against the floor. In only my mules, I twisted the knob of his bedroom door.
My entry lifted the fine hairs all over my body. I batted my eyes, freeing them of any debris for a better view of what was ahead of me. I hadn’t been deceived. Chino drove his body into the backside of a very brown, very soft-skinned beauty.
Though I had yet to get a glimpse of her mattress-bound facial features, I was familiar with Chino and the standard of woman he preferred. Without a shadow of a doubt, she was gorgeous.
Her body said so.
Her skin said so.
Her aura said so.
Her scent said so.
Her moans said so.
Her partner said so.
Her incredible shade of brown said so.
The smell of her designer perfume said so .
Quietly, I gathered myself, watching from afar as he did things to her that he’d done to me countless times. My heart hammered against my chest. With each stroke of his, my temperature rose a notch. I tilted my head, attempting to suppress whatever was happening inside of me.
I failed miserably. One foot was in front of the other before I had a chance to solidify my next move. My approach led to an internal and external battle, instantaneously. I fought myself the entire way across the room until finally, I made it by Chino’s side. His proximity lulled me, making my next move abundantly clear.
I placed a hand on his shoulder, alerting him of my presence. The warmth in his eyes had vanished. Baffled, I pulled his face toward mine and pressed our lips up against each other.
Oh, I’ve missed you . I admitted, silently.
His head maneuvered, deepening our kiss. Without words, I understood his stance. He, too, missed every fucking inch of me.
Without missing a beat, he indulged in the sexually arousing wrestling match between our tongues. His hand fell from the waist of the brown beauty and met my center. Without hesitation, he penetrated me with his middle and index finger.
“Uh,” I moaned against his lips.
“I’m sorry, baby,” he apologized, barely above a whisper.
His apology felt useless. His actions didn’t come as a surprise. Neither were they upsetting. Though claimed, Chino was a semi-free agent. So was I. It was the way we preferred our relationship. It was the way we loved our relationship. It wasn’t the traditional route, but I hardly took that road.
I kept my dealings to a minimum. Flirting was almost always as far as I got with men other than Chino. However, we both enjoyed the company of women and we enjoyed their company often.
The openness of our relationship came with only a few rules.
Rule #1: Stay away from people I know, trust, and love .
Rule #2: Don’t fuck with anyone who could fuck with my money.
Rule #3: Absolutely no children .
I was a busy woman and couldn’t fathom entertaining a man every day of my existence. Allowing Chino to ruffle his feathers in other places allowed me the freedom of a single woman without being one. I was delighted when someone held his interest for a while. It made my job easier and kept my money plentiful.
Coming home to a meal I’d prepared for hours, a clean home that had taken me half the day, folded laundry, and a back rub would never be Chino’s reality with me. So, giving him a glimpse of domestic partnership with temporary partners served us well. Not all of my home-cooked meals came from the chef.
Some were from the women we’d taken a liking to. I was spoiled, not only by him, but the women who adored us as well. It was always clear where I stood in his life, where they stood, and how they were to contribute to his world before being exiled. The perks of our arrangement were endless as long as no rules were broken.
Even as a young girl, I despised the idea of monogamy, didn’t desire it, and was repulsed by the thought of it. I promised myself I’d reserve my freedom, the right to change my mind a hundred times, and my individuality.
Meeting Chino allowed me to keep that promise. He came into my life expecting to be met with the demands of the average relationship. He was met with my unorthodox desires which he adapted to fairly quickly.