Page 30 of Roommates' Alpha
I reached over and rested a hand on one of his, which earned me a soft smile.
“Once the funerals were over, it was time to make long-term plans for me. Mama and Dad never had a will, so their wishes weren’t clear. But—and this is according to my mama’s parents—Dad and Papa never steamrolled anybody. They made it clear they wanted me, but also wanted what was best. I’ve been told it took a couple months of discussion. Who had what resources? Who would be able to give me what growing up?”
He paused and stared at the ceiling. “After the discussions were over, it was decided that Dad and Papa would officially adopt me. At the end of it all, it was clear that they were in the best position to take me in. But the process meant they were going in eyes wide open. Grandmama and Grandad, plus aunts, uncles, and others on my mama’s side made sure they knew that the reality of raising a black child is vastly different than a white one.”
He turned his attention back to us. “They took that to heart and did their best to keep me connected to both parts of my heritage. I remember Papa sitting with my Grandmama in my grandparents’ house in Georgia, listening and learning how to take care of my hair when I wanted to change styles. They moved to a more diverse neighborhood so that I’d be around kids who looked like me in school. Every summer I’d go to spend several weeks with my cousins.”
He sniffled once. “One of the things I’m still most grateful for is the framed photo they kept on my nightstand as a kid. It was of my birth parents holding me as an infant. There was so much joy and love in their eyes. Dad and Papa always reminded me how much my mama and dad would have been proud of me.”
He paused, closed his eyes for a few seconds, and blew out a long breath. Then he opened his eyes again and continued. “They really did do their best. I’ve heard and read stories of other kids like me—raised by white parents—who weren’t prepared for the world as a black person. Dad and Papa… they taught me age-appropriate ways of knowing how some people would see me differently. And when they couldn’t explain something, they’d call Grandmama and Grandad, or one of my myriad aunts and uncles on that side, to give me the talk they didn’t know how.
“But as much as they tried to keep that connection, I was still immersed in white culture. I hear it in the way I talk, and recognize how I carry myself in certain situations is different than that of my black peers. I may be half-white, but all anybody sees when they look at me is a black man. So I don’t fit into that half of me, and since I wasn’t fully raised around black people, I don’t quite fit there either. By straddling that line and trying to keep me connected to both, I’m in neither, outside looking in.”
My fingers squeezed around his, and my heart fluttered when he squeezed back.
Xavier smiled. “It was a relief when I moved out here. The culture is completely different. Yeah, there are still a lot of white people around, and very few blacks. But I didn’t feel like I was walking that same line between two halves. Everything here is Hispanic and Native American. I’m still on the outside looking in, but I’m supposed to be there. I can appreciate it, without being expected to know the nuances.”
“I think I get it,” Crow said softly. “There is so much people expect me to know, but I don’t, because it was never part of my experience.”
Xavier nodded. “One advantage to not fitting in anywhere is that I got to see a lot of little things that people aren’t usually aware of. And I can draw on my upbringing to make people feel like they’re in on the joke, rather than the subject of it.”
He smiled. “Hearing people laugh, knowing they’re enjoying my performance… There’s nothing like it in the world. For a brief few minutes, they join me in reveling in the absurdity of the world.”
A pause, then he smiled again. “Dad and Papa always encouraged my jokes, even when I was a kid and the jokes were terrible. I think—even then—they saw that it was part of how I coped. They encouraged me to continue it when part of me thought about going to college and getting a sensible job. They knew I’d be happier chasing my passion. I don’t make as much money as I could have—I was good at math and science—but I look at people droning on in cubicle farms all day, and know I would have been miserable in that life.
“Laughter brings people together. It didn’t matter who I was, or where I didn’t fit in. Comedy invites people into my world and allows them to see it as I do. And while they’re there, they can forget their own problems. Who wouldn’t want to be able to give that to someone?”
He paused and looked around the table, then cleared his throat. “Umm… was that too much?”
“Not at all,” Terry said, kind tone to his voice. “You’ve got so many friends. Everybody knows you. I never knew you kept so much under wraps.”
Xavier blushed again—that faint darkening of his cheeks—and rubbed the back of his neck. “Most people like the social commentary parts of it. They’ll laugh at how black people and white people do things differently. But most don’t want the painful parts.”
I reached up and squeezed his shoulder. “Thank you for telling us.”
“You four are important to me,” he replied.
There was that flutter in my chest again.
He cleared his throat. “Anyway. Friday night, seven o’clock at the Giggle Bin. I want you all there. It would mean a lot.”
“I’ll be there,” I replied as Crow, Terry, and Micah said the same thing.
Xavier’s smile was back, and I still wanted to kiss it.
∞∞∞
Micah, Crow, Terry, and I crammed around a small round table at the Giggle Bin, beer and appetizers in front of us as we waited for Xavier to take the stage.
Something about it felt so right—the four of us there to support him on his big night.
I looked around and noticed the place was packed. But I also realized that I recognized many people from the October party, plus a couple of smaller gatherings Xavier had hosted.
“Seems like everyone showed up tonight,” Terry stated.
I nodded. “Looks like.”
“I’m not surprised,” Micah said. “Everybody loves Xavier, and he seems to know about half of Valle Granja. He’ll probably have sold-out shows for a couple of weeks.”