Page 76 of Resist

All of a sudden, I was nervous at the thought of our additional guests at tomorrow night’s show. But my nerves weren’t for Lucas they were for me. I wanted the show to be perfect.

“Smells lovely, Mrs Malone,” I said, needing to say something.

She swished her hand at me. “Oh, please, call me Sandra.”

Fred eventually left the lounge room to greet us but headed straight back there once the formalities were over. We didn’t see him again until dinnertime.

As we sat around the table, Lucas and I side-by-side and Tyler in his highchair between Lucas and Bec, I watched Lucas feed his nephew while making vroom vroom noises with his lips. It made my ladybits buzz but also froze me solid, a piece of my heart splintering away and shattering within. Lucas would want kids at some stage, of course he would. And by the way he was flying spoons of meat and pumpkin into Tyler’s mouth, it was obvious he’d make a great father.I don’t want any more kids.

I was past that stage of my life and had no intention to return, happy for my baby-making clock to steadily tick.

Realising that what we’d started between us couldn’t be long-term, that all it could ever be was a little fun, I wondered if it was worth the heartbreak and possible end to a working relationship.

I wasn’t sure.

I picked up my glass of water and took a gulp, choking.

Lucas’s hand shot to my back and he rubbed it, soothingly. “You alright?”

I nodded.

“So, Helena. What made you want to buy a male revue?”

“Sal!” Lucas’s hand halted. “That’s none of your business.”

I patted my mouth with my napkin and placed my hand on his leg, squeezing with reassurance. “It’s okay. That’s a perfectly fine question, and one I want to answer.”

He covered my hand with his and subtly moved it along his thigh.

I dug my nails in and smiled. “I bought it because I think it’s important for women to assert themselves into arenas they’ve been locked out of for years.”

Tilly held up her glass. “Cheers to that.”

“It’s been my experience,” I continued, “that men feel the need to dominate because that’s how they’ve been groomed, and that won’t change until we change it for them. Women are capable ofallthings.”

“I’ve always wanted to fly a plane,” Sandra said.

Fred laughed the kind of laugh you reserved for a politician who claimed they were telling the truth.

We all stared at him.

“What?” he said, forking a potato. “Have you seen her drive a car?”

Sandra’s face was hard set until the corners of her mouth lifted and both she and Fred laughed in harmony.

“Am I missing something?” Tilly asked, searching their faces for an explanation.

“I may have had an accident last week.”

“WHAT?” Lucas’s eyes went wide, his grip on my hand tightening. “Mum, what happened?”

“I didn’t want to run over Mrs Norris’s cat, so I swerved and ran over the letterbox instead.”

“And the garden bed and water tap,” Fred added.

“Yes, and those.”

Lucas relaxed his hand, as did I, which is when he moved mine to sit on his cock. I squeezed with frustration.