Page 42 of Rear View

Ryah

What had I done?

My heart ached so deeply, it was endless. I’d panicked. Lost myself. The terror took over. I couldn’t think. And I’d unleashed it all on Xavier.

I leaned heavily against the arm of my couch, Miles at my side, trying to console me. Xavier’s race was on in the background, and he and Alec were in the middle of a time trial.

God, my chest hurt, because the sound of his voice on that call… It was as if he’d been thrown. As if he hadn’t known who I was, because he hadn’t. It was a side I’d kept hidden with some ridiculous notion of protecting him. In the end, he had needed protecting.

From me.

As soon as he’d hung up, the void on the line had echoed through my head and rang in my ears.

I’d doubled over and fallen to the floor, trying to catch my breath because I’d probably just destroyed the best thing that’d ever happened to me.

I needed to apologize and explain. But he was racing.

And I hated myself for sending him off like that. I swiped a tear from my cheek.

Miles nudged my elbow. “It’ll be alright, Ry.”

Barking a sob, I said, “I ruined everything.”

“Call him when he’s done. Talk to him.”

My lungs shuddered, and I hugged my knees to my chest, my eyes fixed on the TV. The cameras changed angles, pointing toward his car as he drifted through a corner.

I scrubbed my hands over my face, then along my aching scar. “You don’t understand, Miles. I completely freaked.”

“Then tell him. I don’t get why you’re holding back, anyway. The guy likes you, Ry. A lot.”

I’d held back for so, so many reasons.

Some I understood were ridiculous, but others…

I hung my head. “Because I don’t want him destroying his life for me. And right now, everything’s normal with him.”

“But it isn’t. You’re just pretending it is.” His voice leveled. “I know you’re scared, Ry, but the guy’s got a right to know what he’s signing up for.”

I hated that he was right. But then that Christian-tainted voice of doubt whispered in my mind.

What if Xavier didn’t want the trouble? What if my baggage made everything too real?

I couldn’t blame him, he’d worked hard to get where he was, but the idea of losing him had my heart hurting in ways that made it hard to breathe. “What if he walks away?”

Miles shook his head. “Then he doesn’t deserve you.” He leaned forward and lowered his elbows to his knees. “But the guy does deserve a choice.” He rotated his glass, swirling his water, the ice cubes clinking against it. “If the shoe was on the other foot, how would you feel?”

My throat hitched, and I clutched my chest.

Xavier took a sharp right, and the car skipped, then skidded. A cloud of smoke burst from the front wheel. He snapped the vehicle left, sliding broadside before it bounced over the gravel and aimed straight for the trees there.

Over the radio, Xavier cursed.

I froze.

Time slowed as the car slid to the edge of the road, then jumped from it.

It flipped once, twice, barrel rolling before Xavier’s door slammed into the tree and buckled.

That wooden trunk snapped in half with a deafening crack and collapsed over the vehicle, which kept rolling.

It flew through the air. Glass and metal shattered, then shrieked, then fell like rain.

My lungs seized, my world crashing down. Bile kissed the back of my throat. No!

“Holy shit,” Miles said, low.

The camera switched to inside the car. The roof was caved in, snow packed high. The thing had imploded on Alec and Xavier, who didn’t move.

Why wasn’t he moving? My eyes were wide when they found Miles. “Why isn’t he moving?”

My brother’s body was coiled. He swallowed hard, then shifted to put an arm around me.

The team radio blared static over the airways before Earl’s voice cut in. “Medics are inbound, boys. Hold on. Medics are inbound.”

The camera cut away.

I couldn’t breathe. I can’t breathe! Medics. Oh, God. He was hurt. Oh, God! No. No. Nonononono!

Tears blurred my vision, then poured free. My hands curled over my fracturing heart as I collapsed forward, landing on the floor in a heap before my soul cracked to pieces and I screamed.

* * *

My fingers shook as I dialed Xavier again. A sob racked my chest, my eyes so thick with tears, I could hardly see. It’d been six hours since the crash. Six hours of silence. Six hours of torture. Six hours of regret. He had to be okay. I couldn’t live with anything else.

Please, God, just answer!

Miles and I sat on Xavier’s step, watching the distant road for a familiar Jeep.

We’d sped to the raceway as soon as the accident happened, but he’d already been transported out.

From there, we’d gone to all three of Edgewater’s hospitals but each cited patient confidentiality and refused to tell us if he was there.

I’d screamed at the last nurse until Miles spotted security coming and dragged me out.

After that, I’d messaged Sheila, desperate for news, but like me, she was in the dark. So, I’d asked for Xavier’s address, praying he’d make his way home.

I tried his number again. Nothing.

“Why isn’t he answering?” I said, the words a plea.

Miles rubbed slow circles around my back. “He’ll be alright, Ry. Those cars are built for impact.” It was the twentieth time he’d said it, and each successive version got weaker and weaker.

I dropped my face into my hands as a sob broke free. My chest hurt. My heart hurt. Everything hurt .

He had to be okay. He has to be!

The hum of an approaching vehicle had my head snapping up. A painfully familiar Jeep came into view, its tires crunching on the snow-covered asphalt as it moved. My pulse kicked up speed, thrashing violently in my ears.

Behind the wheel sat Xavier.

Miles stood and closed in. I tried to follow but my legs refused to work.

Xavier pulled in slowly, then rolled to a stop.

He climbed from his vehicle, those arctic eyes on me.

He twisted the key chain I’d given him in his grasp before he shoved it in his pocket.

Several cuts and fresh bruises lined his forehead, cheek and neck.

Dark circles of sheer exhaustion shadowed beneath his eyes.

His hands flexed at his sides, tendons cording under the skin.

My brother stepped up to him. “That was quite the tumble, dude.”

Xavier’s stare held mine as he turned, only releasing it at the last second. He gave Miles a tight smile. “I’ve had worse.”

“You alright?”

He lifted a tense shoulder. “Fair to middlin’.”

Miles clapped him on the back and tipped his head my way, then spoke too low for me to hear. X gave a slow nod and found me again, answering in that same low tone.

My brother aimed for his car and leaned against its side, giving us privacy.

Xavier stalked toward me, his movements steady, but forced. There was a crease around his eyes and whether it’d been put there by the accident or me, I had no clue.

“Hi,” I breathed, because where the heck else did I start?

His voice was rough when he replied, “Hey.”

My gaze raked over him. “I tried to call.”

“I didn’t have my phone.”

I bit my lip and swallowed around the dryness in my throat. “I’m so sorry, Xavier.”

He looked away for several agonizing seconds, then back. “Tell me somethin’, yeah.” At my nod, he asked, “What was that earlier?”

The tears broke free, a damn that’d breached its banks. My chest heaved as I sobbed.

He crouched, one hand bracing him against the ground before he rolled his shoulders. “You ashamed of me or something?”

Oh, God. My hands flew to my mouth. How could he think that? Didn’t he not know who he was? What other people saw when they looked at him? What I saw? I was such an idiot. I’d been so caught in my own head, I hadn’t even considered how he might see things.

My feeble gaze found his when I uttered, “Never, Xavier.”

His brows lowered, that stare holding mine. “Then what’s going on, Ryah?”

I wrapped my arms around myself to lock my pieces together, took a steadying breath and finally, finally told him the truth. “I—” I cleared my throat, then did it again and again and again. “I have a stalker.”