Page 20 of Rear View

There was a shuffling on my mother’s end of the line. “Your father and I are just headed out the door. It’s date night,” she said, her voice light. “Do you mind if we call you tomorrow?”

I fought the tension in my tone when I replied, “Of course. Have fun!”

“We will,” she replied before they said in unison, “Love you.”

“Love you too!” The call ended.

The crunch of tires approached me from behind and I whipped toward it. My pulse kicked up as the mini golf-type cart security used rolled along the path, then stopped a few feet before me.

“Hello, Miss Nolan,” the officer said.

My spine seized so tight, pain shot down my arms and the air froze in my lungs. He knew my name. My gaze snapped to his name tag. Stan. I knew Stan. Kind of. In as much as you could know someone you’d physically met once. I offered a rigid smile only to avoid seeming dismissive.

He climbed from the machine and strode to the lamppost opposite me, then eyed a small placard on the side, jotting something from it down. “Just need the number here so I can get maintenance out to fix the correct one.” He tapped his notepad with the end of his pen. “Safety first.”

“Safety first,” I repeated shakily.

Headlights streamed over us when my bus drew up. Its brakes shrieked as it pulled to a stop, and I maneuvered myself before the door.

“You have a nice evening,” Stan called.

“You too,” I replied, my breath clouding the air as I scurried forward and climbed on.

The driver took off, the vehicle jerking as the wheels fought to catch on the icy road. Half of the worn, blue cushioned seats were taken, so I shuffled farther back and gripped one of the hanging rings to steady myself. My body shrank in on itself, small. Insignificant.

My phone pinged and my heart fluttered against my ribs. Hope had me holding my breath as I tapped the screen and opened it.

No text appeared, and for the umpteenth time in as many days, my shoulders slumped.

I selected my email and stopped dead. My hand shook when an unknown sender showed in my inbox.

I snapped my head up, then around. I scanned every person there…

for what, I had no clue. Someone sinister?

As if their face could give them away. But he was exactly that. Faceless. Anonymous. Anyone.

My palms were slick with sweat when I opened the message.

Unknown sender: You’ve been busy lately, Ryah Jane.

Always a reminder. Always watching. How did you stop a shadow? Or escape it? He was everywhere, and everyone.

The bus banged and jolted when it hit a pothole. My adrenaline spiked, kicking into overdrive, while my heart pounded in my ears.

Oh, God. Not now.

I fought to control my breathing. I darted my gaze around. My stop was close. Only three blocks. I started counting in my head, fighting not to rock and draw attention to myself.

A bing sounded when someone pulled the cable, re questing to get off. The driver veered us to the side, and the passenger hopped free.

Two blocks.

My vision started to narrow, blackening at the corners.

One block.

My hand trembled wildly as I pressed for my stop. I fought to keep my feet when I aimed for the front of the bus. The door swung open achingly slow. When there was just enough room, I exploded out and ran.

My building loomed in the distance, the only thing I could see.

Scrambling for my keys, I reached it, then tripped. I fell and hit my knee, wincing as I pulled myself up. It took three tries to enter the security code and lurch into the lobby, where I hobbled up each step until I made it to the second floor.

The ringing in my ears grew louder, making my breaths muffled. The numbness spread from my fingers to my hands, the tightness in my chest making it impossible to breathe.

Just get inside. Just get inside!

My keys rattled when I shoved them into the lock and snapped it open. Bursting through the door, I sealed myself in with a bang, turned the dead bolt and set the chain.

The place was dark, the kitchen light off. I must’ve forgotten it before I’d left. How had I forgotten?

I wouldn’t turn it on. Couldn’t. ’Cause what if he was outside, waiting to see which apartment lit up? Then he’d know where I lived. Chances were, he already did, but just in case…

Crashing back against the wall, I slid to the floor.

I dropped my head, plunging my fingers into my hair as I pulled.

Hugging my knees to my chest, I set my mouth against them to muffle my sound, then sat alone in the dark as I screamed.

Not enough to draw attention. Because no one was ever coming to save me.

I hated this. Being around Xavier had given me a taste of living again. I wanted it back. In the end, maybe him flaking was for the best. Better to learn who he really was before I gave in to him completely. His life was on the upswing, while mine… I was trapped. I wasn’t going anywhere.

Slamming a fist onto the floor, I screamed again.

Tears streamed down my face. I could barely leave my apartment without the panic consuming me.

My life was a mirror maze of fear while Xavier’s was unequivocally fear less .

I’d been an idiot to let myself hope. Either way, it wasn’t as if my life was my own.

I pulled my notebook and pen from my backpack and sagged until I fell to the side. My shoulder found the cold parquet floor, and I gave in to that fear.