Page 9 of Rancher’s Strength (Flying Diamond 5, #4)

Chapter Seven

LEXIE

B reakfast was a disaster. I didn’t make anything like Anita did.

Taking the kids from their home was hard, just as I had imagined it would be.

Ryder had to close and lock the door to his office because Sawyer kept going in there and playing with his computer, causing the cameras to turn off and the alarms to sound.

“Why don’t we go out to the lake?” Ryder said as he pushed his chair away from the table.

“Are Sawyer and I going to have to sleep in the same bed forever?” Ruby asked as she flicked her eggs around her plate, her head resting in her palm.

“No, you aren’t. We got in so late last night, and you needed a bed, and that was it. Change of plans, let’s go to the new house,” Ryder said as he took his plate to the sink.

“New house?” Sawyer asked, his eyes lighting up.

“Well, new to you, not to Auntie Lexie. It’s the house she grew up in.” He leaned against the counter, and both kids seemed to have renewed energy to finish their breakfasts.

“What’s it like, Auntie Lex?” Sawyer asked as he lifted his orange juice, but it slopped on the table because he was bouncing on his chair. “I’m sorry.” His little eyes filled with tears, and I was up off my chair in a split second.

“Lex,” Ryder said as he tossed me a towel over the kitchen island. His aim was way off, and the towel landed on Ruby’s head.

“Uncle Ryder,” she bemoaned, but then a giggle escaped. Sawyer started laughing too, and when Ryder’s deep, hearty laughter began, I couldn’t be left out. Reaching across the table, I plucked the towel off Ruby’s head and mopped up the spill.

“And that, kiddos, is why Uncle Ryder doesn’t compete in roping events at the rodeo.” Both of the kids almost fell off their chairs laughing, and Ryder moved towards me.

“Pretty sure I roped you once or twice back in the day.” God, this man made my heart flutter. I should really see a doctor about that; it might be life-threatening.

“Only because I let you,” I quipped and stuck my tongue out at him.

“We could try it again.”

“Oh, no, you don’t, not after that less-than-stellar throw. Your days of roping me are over.” Ryder continued to move toward me, and I picked Sawyer up from the chair and held him in front of me. “You have to protect me, Sawyer.”

“I’ll protect you, Auntie,” he said before he held out his hands as if he were guarding me.

“Uncle Ryder, you better stop, or you’re going to get it,” he said, and for the first time I noticed his slight lisp when he pronounced words with S.

Had Anita been working with anyone on it?

Would he be teased when he went to school here?

Was I completely overreacting because I'd never noticed it before in all the years I’d known him? Probably.

“And just what am I going to get?” He stopped advancing and waited.

“This.” Sawyer bolted out of my arms, hollering at Ryder, and ran smack into him, bouncing off.

Ryder might not have great aim, but his reflexes were spot on as he grabbed the little boy up before he hit the ground.

Ruby was laughing, and the boys were play fighting while I stood back watching them all.

This wasn’t supposed to be my life.

There weren’t kids in my future because I couldn’t have them.

There definitely wasn’t a man across the room from me who I needed to re-marry.

Life was supposed to be quiet, involving work at the law firm, occasional dating, and ultimately being a burden on Lydia as I got older.

Not this. Not an instant family, and certainly not the longing for it.

But for a brief moment just now, life was perfect.

When the giggles and play fighting stopped, it felt as if someone had let the air out of the room, and we remembered we weren’t supposed to be happy. The moment was over.

“Everyone get in the truck. Let’s go pick out your rooms.” Ryder could sense it. I knew it, and that’s why he wasn’t waiting to go to the farm.

The kids ran out the door, and I slipped on my shoes when Ryder’s hand slid across my back, and I tensed.

Our contact up until last night had been minimal.

I knew being with him hadn’t been right, and I didn’t want to make him think there was more going on here than just us needing to become parental figures.

“Sorry,” he grumbled as he stepped away from me.

“It’s fine,” I mumbled as I headed out the door. Quickly getting to the truck, I hopped in, wondering if it would have been better to walk. At least I wouldn’t have to ride over there right beside him.

Don’t be silly, Lexie. You spent hours in the vehicle with him yesterday, and everything was fine, I thought to myself.

Yeah, but that was before you decided you needed to cuddle on the couch with him last night, the other side of my brain retorted.

Why had I done that? I knew it was bad. I knew it would cause problems, but I did it anyway. God, I’m ridiculous.

“Lex, you’re thinking out loud. Stop worrying. I won’t do it again.” I didn’t even notice he’d gotten in the truck, much less that we were pulling out of the yard and heading to the farm.

My dad had always called it the farm because he didn’t have cows, just some farmland that he’d rented out to Kipp’s father years ago.

He would have loved to be a farmer, but his law practice had been busy, and then he’d bought that stupid bar, so any free time he had was suddenly gone.

Mom had called it a midlife crisis, but I think it was more like empty nest syndrome.

He bought it after my sister Lydia, and I became more independent and didn’t rely on him as much.

It turned into his baby and my arch-nemesis.

We’d have to work there serving food and singing on occasion.

Lydia and I had always sung together. At first, it was in church, and then at the bar.

Dad needed to fill in on nights he didn’t have a live band.

What polar opposite places to sing: a church and a bar.

Eventually, I stopped going to church, but Mom and Dad still went until his diagnosis with dementia.

He didn’t want to see anyone because he didn’t want people to pity him. So, Lydia took over the bar, and he became a recluse until Mom couldn’t look after him anymore and admitted him to a care facility.

The one she’d found was nice, and it was close, but I worried about how she’d be able to pay to keep him there long-term.

I hadn’t asked her about it because I’d kind of buried my head in the sand about everything and made sure I was busy with work.

That hadn’t been fair to my mom and Lydia, but it was the only way I could cope.

Turning into the laneway, we rumbled over the cattle gate Ryder had installed a few years ago, and suddenly, nerves overtook me. My stomach flipped, my hands shook, and I bit the corner of my lip. This was oddly reminiscent of the first time I’d brought Ryder home.

My parents were thrilled the first time they met him, and they were even more excited when he proposed.

They absolutely adored him, and I couldn’t blame them; Ryder was charming and sweet.

He was also everything I said I never wanted.

The last thing I needed was a cowboy, but find one I did.

And I might have been a little biased, but I thought he was the best one—he still was.

Our house came into view as we rounded the curve in the road. A large two-story white farmhouse appeared. It had a wraparound porch with green shutters, and the porch swing swayed slowly in the slight breeze.

It still looked like a dream. The apple orchard was a little distance from the house, and I longed to run through the blooming trees, just as I had when I was young and carefree.

Mom’s large garden plot was off to the side and appeared to have been tilled recently.

In fact, the house seemed to be a brighter white than the last time I had been here.

“Did you have the house painted?” I asked, turning to Ryder.

“Yeah, after your mom moved out, I had someone come in. They did a great job. It was looking a little rundown, and I wanted your mom to see it back in its splendor when she came back to get more of her things.”

“How much did she leave?” I asked, frowning at him.

“Enough that we’ll all have everything we need.” He laughed, and I shook my head. Mom had always had more than she needed, and I was pretty sure that when she moved to Everton, she only took the bare minimum.

“Come on kids, let’s see what we need to bring back with us, besides your things,” Ryder’s chipper voice cut through the silence in the truck, and the kids hopped out.

Walking up the porch steps, the kids ran ahead and went inside, while I stopped and stared at the swing.

Ryder and I had our first fight while sitting there; I didn’t even remember what it was about.

But we’d also started making memories on that swing.

We used to sneak off to the barn, and I glanced over my shoulder, smiling at the red barn still standing strong across the yard.

Someone had added two chairs and a table between them under the living room window.

I couldn’t help but wonder if the guys had been planning to have one of their ranch hands live here.

I probably should have felt bad about shifting their plans, but I didn’t.

This was my home, and I wanted to raise the kids here.

“You coming in?” his low voice asked from the door. I hadn’t even heard the screen door open—I’d been so lost in thought.

“Yeah.” I smiled and walked past him, careful not to touch him because I wasn’t sure I‘d be able to stay away once I let myself accept his touch in this house.

“Auntie Lex, there’s a room that’s all pink,” Ruby shouted as she was halfway down the stairs.

“Yep, that one was mine.” I smiled and headed for the stairs.

It was fun seeing this house through their eyes as they dragged us from room to room.

I’d been sure Ruby would want my room, but she chose the one overlooking the orchard.

It had a window seat, and I knew that little girl was home the moment I saw her there.

She’d found a book in my room, grabbed a pillow off the bed, and ended her exploring, curled up reading.

“Maybe she gets that from you,” Ryder said as he stopped a safe distance from me.

Now, I was sorry for the way I reacted to his touch earlier because, at this moment, I should have leaned on him, held his hand, or something.

Instead, I wandered into Ruby’s room and sat on the opposite end of the seat.

“Think this one will work for you, your imagination, and your dreams?”

“I think so.” She set down her book, and I noticed the title, Anne of Green Gables. It kind of felt fitting that that’s the book she’d found. “Have you read this one?” she asked quietly.

“I think I read it when I was about your age.” Truthfully, I might have been a bit older, but not by much.

It was the first book I truly remember that encouraged imagination and the possibilities that come with it.

Although somewhere along the way I’d forgotten how much I wanted to be like Anne, life became hard, and work got in the way.

Maybe Ruby and I could discover our inner Anne Shirley together.